When I Go Out I Want To Go Out On A Chariot Of Fire

It was about five in the morning and the darkness that had hang around like a shroud all night was beginning to lift with the hope and prospect of a new day. I couldn’t even tell myself what had brought about this. I glanced at the sun as it began to creep across the sky highlighting the horizon.

A bag lay open on my bed, clothes scattered roughly about it some had been put within the bag and taken back. Boxes of all sizes mostly shoeboxes I had accumulated over the years lay about the floor practically every procession of my I had regarded as important to my life and had not deposed of already was on the floor or piled on the bed.
“What am I doing?” I muttered to myself my tear-filled eyes were beginning to go icky and goop up like they did before I had first had to wear glasses. Too much crying.
Rubbing my face once more I scanned across the room still confused on what to do. I continued once again to throw stuff into bags. Though the boxes of picture and letter remained scattered of the floor occasionally catchy my eye as I shifted about them.

My head span as I finished off the apartment looking nothing more than that now, it no longer looked like a home just a nicely furnished house. Yet the brightly painted room still felt cold and lost with the images that had once plastered the room, and the memories that had hang with them.

Bob had said to me as he had left me at the door that if I wished to go like he wanted me to, “Tonight I’m leaving and it would be a lot better for you if you came to.”

Stupid Idiot, Twat. My head span. Ideas and words shifted about.
Had I really just promised myself that I would up and leave just because my brother said it was for the best or did that emptiness that I felt now and before never really ceased to be.
It obviously must be so, I thought to myself as I glanced over the packed belongings around me.

My heart skipped a beat as I realised what I had to do at least some point today. If I went to Pete I would only regret my leaving but yet I couldn’t up and leave.
I still hated that he had taken my humanity. I always said I wanted to be unique but this just takes the piss more than it did before.

I looked out of the window one last time as I heard the horn beep outside; Bob sat below his blue eyes gazing up to the window from the open window of his van.
“Are you ready?" he muttered as he helped my chuck the last of my possession in the back.

There’s no going back now.

“No I need to say goodbye to Pete, one last time.” I turned away from him as I muttered it hoping that tears wouldn’t spring into my eyes