The Hidden Truth

I stared up. I was staring at a huge building, well more like temple. In fact, I was actually staring at the Jedi temple. it was big, bigger than big. My experiences in the dorms, in my home and the houses of friends taught me to never to look up and expect to see more. Rooms were always small. Houses were rarely taller than trees. I felt so small, so little, so unimportant, so new.

I had been chosen to be here. I had been through so much to be here. I have been through so much pain, fear, anger, work to be here and yet that building suddenly made me want to go back to my simple home and life. There was no backing out now. I could only go forward.

A woman, a tall woman who held herself straight with no nonsense, the presence of the Jedi I always dreamed of. The sight of her made me straighten up, trying to get rid of any evidence that show my nervousness. I was nervous alright, if not ready to run back to the ship. My hands were sweaty, making it hard to hold onto my luggage. My legs felt a bit weak with my stomach have decided never to eat again. The heat of the tropical forest did not help my face look anywhere near calm. I hated this. I could not control myself. I was showing, unwilling, all my weakness and I had only taken a few steps. If the sight of just one Jedi could do all that, how could I survive a class of 20?

The woman bowed to her waist, straighten up and looked at me. I paused in all thoughts, in all emotions, not sure what to do. Yes, the Jedi way was to bow back, but I had never been raised to do so, and even at the risk of appearing rude, I was too uncomfortable to bow back. I could not uncling to my old manners and ideas of the world to fully accept the Jedi way. I wondered how much of these little cultural problems would they, the Jedi, ignore before I was told off.

The woman, to my relief, showed no sign of being offended, perhaps I was not the first to failed to bow back? She welcomed me and told me to follow her. We went into the temple, which brought on a rush of confusion and fear. Once I entered this place, it felt like I was now trapped here. There was no way of returning to a life I once knew. I would have to deal with the ever present and truly let go of the past....perhaps that is why I was sent here. Maybe this place would be my last stop for healing the damage of too many years of abuse did to me.

The Jedi, of course, were completely unaware of my past. They knew, on paper I had been at college. I lived with my parents. I was 21 years old. I had no idea what the age limit was, but I was willing to bet money I was one of the oldest apprentices there.

What the Jedi didn't know was my education in the Jedi way. I had been to sites, I was managing a site. I had 8 years of practice with the Force and over a year of serious, deep study in the way of the Jedi path. I hadn't told them because I wanted to start new. I wanted to see what my crazy training had skipped, what lessons had I not been exposed to, what exercises had I not tried. I wanted to start slow, to learn the right way, and to eventually show my secret and only then advance to my proper level. I knew this would test my will, my patience and my endurance to go through this plan. I knew I would have to hold back and restrain my skill at the Force. That would be hard to do. It meant I could not touch the Force or use it for any reason. I would have to refine my skill at feeling and controlling at little as the Force as I could. This would not be an easy task.

As I went through the doors of the temple, as these thoughts enter and left my brain, I knew I had already become someone else. Who that was, was left unclear, for the future was hard to read at the best. The Force rarely told you want you wanted to know, in a way you could understand, at the time you wanted to know.