The Hidden Truth

The ruined secret

I looked at him, fighting to keep a confused look on my face. I asked what was that.

“The way you danced”

I drew on my four years of theatre acts to act perplexed. I told him it was nothing special, anyone could have done that if they could tap to a beat. I was being extremely careful to edge away from mentioning anything that would imply my show of the Force.

“You avoided the blocks and you never looked down.”

It was not a question or in comment. I knew Master Mirmo was trying to corner me into admitting the truth. I was not about to give up this fight so easily. I shrugged and told him I didn’t know. I must have memorized where the blocks were. He was hardly convinced by the expression on his face.

“Turn around”

I turned around and looked at the wall before me. I could hear him push the blocks with his feet. He told me to turn around. I saw the blocks had been rearranged, changing the outline of the cleared space. He had also put a block in the middle of the space, which would force me to look out for it.

“Now dance and do not look down”

He played the same, fast song. I tapped my feet to the introduction of the song, expanding my awareness. I looked up at the wall and went into a certain mood I have to be in. I felt the Force enter me, for this was an automatic response I had spent years ingraining into me. Whenever in the past I could not see due to dim or not light, or not allowed to look, I opened myself up to the Force and searched the space for dangers. I began to move, to slightly jump on the floor. I hit something with my foot and looked down. I had honestly messed up and hit the block behind me. I was about to get anger with myself, but I stopped. I would lose my connection to the Force. It was ok to mess up. I was trying to fake my way out of this tight corner. While I didn’t want to use the Force, I couldn’t stand not to the use the Force when doing this. The dance turned into a struggle, an argument within myself. Strangely, I managed to avoid all the blocks.

“How did you know where the blocks were?”

Oh grrr! I wanted to growl and glare at him so badly. He would not let this pass. I said I didn’t know how, I just sort of knew.

“You felt them when you came close to one, didn’t you?”

I said nothing. I could no lie, nor tell the truth. I couldn’t think of a good way to get around his question. I looked away from him, at the ground. My silence spoke for me. I felt the Force, a powerful wave of pure energy that did not come me, but from him. The wave hit me hard, like a real wave from an ocean, across my chest and head. The Force was so strong, so startling, that I looked up, my eyes wide with shock with the realization of his power, my mouth slightly open with awe. The truth had been forced out of me.

“You have been trained in the ways of the Force by others, haven’t you?”

I nodded, returning my bashful glaze to the ground. My secret was gone, ruined, found out. This would only hurt my reputation. I would be kicked out for lying and holding back information. I hated the fact he was here. I hated him for finding this truth out. I just wanted to be left alone.

“Why did you keep this a secret?”

I looked up at him, full of emotion, full of meaning. I told him I wanted to. I wanted to start from the beginning. I wanted to see if I could learn something new. I did not tell him that I wanted to see what my sporadic training left out. That would give too much away about myself. Besides, he should have no interest in me, so the left out information didn’t matter.

“Keep dancing your dance, young Jedi. I will see you in class”

With that, he turned around and left the room, leaving me standing, baffled. I gathered my stuff and hurried out of the room, to my bedroom. I spent the evening writing in my diary, drawing imagines I had seen in my small adventures outside of the temple. I got lost in my drawing, letting my thoughts wonder wherever they wanted to go. The ball was in his corner. I had no idea what he would do. That bothered me to no end. I could no control this. I could no prepare for whatever he might do. I didn’t know what he was thinking or feeling. I was helpless and I didn’t like it. My father had taught me, drilled into me, to do everything I could to gain control, to be ready for the worse. The worse was being sent away from here. That was something I couldn’t deal with or handle emotionally. My short time here made me so aware of, well, everything. The classes were so different and yet interesting. The students could never stop to amaze me with their maturity. Here, at the temple, I wanted to learn so much. I have never felt like this before and didn’t want to end the feeling. Humans are meant to learn and grow. Here, I could do this. At home, all I was going through was dying. My soul was being ripped apart, sized down to nothingness. I really didn’t want to leave.