The Hidden Truth

Master Mirmo had not given up learning more of my secret past. He seemed to be stubbornly bent on the idea of my past training. He wanted to know what I could do, what did I know, and how I knew it. For the next three days, he spent more and more time during classes and even outside of classes, seeing what he could surprise out of me.

The next day was an interesting day. There were no different classes, yet it was different. When I walked into the meditation room, I was in for a surprise. The class was buzzing in the Force. They were very chatty. It was only then I remembered what was today’s lesson was. We were going to learn how to feel the Force for the time. Everyone seemed to have an idea of what the Force was going to feel like. Some students worried over if they could calm down their mind enough. Some thought they would be able to lift others with the Force as soon as they felt it. When they turned their questions on me about the Force, I shrugged and said we would see what happens. They were not very satisfied with that answer, so they went back to asking and answering the same thing again.

I was not very excited over this class because this would be another review. What made it worse is I had spent three years teaching Force sensitive teenagers on my planet how to feel and use the Force. At this point, I was rather sick of going through the same steps and explaining the same answers over and over. Feeling the Force was no big deal when compared to shielding, or forms of telekinesis. These students would be excited over the Force for about a few weeks before they were ready to curse out their lack of control when the classes got harder. Since I knew all of this by heart, and since only one person knew my secret, I had to pretend that I was somewhat interested to avoid awkward questions. My only worry was could I fake this? Could I fine tune my control so I only felt a tiny bit of the awesome, unlimited energy? I had spent so many years feeling as much of the Force as I could, that I was uncertainly if I could keep myself slipping back into old habits. Well, as I said to the student, I would have to see what happened.

The class, as usual, became quiet, but uncommonly attentive when Master Mirmo walked in. He noted this and smiled. Oh, he knew how excited everyone was. He knew how much we each privately where highly impatient for this day. He began with another talk about the Force and a story to go along with it. I didn’t need the Force to tell the class was chomping at the bite to be told how to feel the Force. He finally told us. It was much like the meditation we had been practicing for a week, but this time we were told to discover the Force within us. I mentally shook my head. This was hardly how I taught it and I had a pretty good success rate at getting people to feel the Force. Still, it was a different method, and perhaps he might know what he was talking about.

We went to our normal spot in the room, mine being the right back corner. I waited for the class to settle down and focus within themselves. I turned inwardly, closed my eyes, but did not do anything. I heard Master Mirmo give a word or two of advice to different students, usually the ones who had the hardest time relaxing. I heard his footsteps come closer and slightly tensed. I reached out, but held myself back on purpose. I made a mental shield between me and the energy around me. I could reach out and touch the shield, but I would not feel the Force. This way I could say I was trying, but I couldn’t go overboard.

“Let go Karen”

I silently cursed. I had let go! I was calm, at peace, but I did not dare touch the Force. He must have felt my calm. He must have guessed I was holding back. I didn’t answer him, in fear of showing anger in my voice. I heard him bend down beside me.

“The Force is within you. You know this. Let it exist. Let it flow.”

I made myself relax a hair more. I went from muscle to muscle in my body, willing them to relax and become limp. I still would not touch the Force.

“Drop your shield and you will feel the Force.”

Why was he spending so much time with me? Weren’t there other students who could not honestly feel the Force and needed him? I was not worth his time. I was just playing games, games of will. Why was he trying to fight my will? Could he not see I wasn’t going to feel the Force with him hunching over me? Furthermore how in the galaxies, did he know I had a shield? It was not a shield made by the Force, but with thought. I hadn’t much experience with shields, but I knew this wasn’t that easy to sense. He was unnerving me by the second.

It was with that last thought that I felt a strong presence in my mind. I instantly recognized the signature to be his. I felt him touch my mind in a certain place, near the base. Then, suddenly, I felt him destroy my shield within a second. He simply made it disappear like I never made it in the first place. It was shocking how strong he was and the control he had.

“Now feel the Force.”

I gave up. I could not win this battle. He made that much clear. I reached out and found the warm, tingling presence of the Force. I fully opened my mind, letting the energy of life and of mass, fill my mind and body. The Force was with me and I knew this to be no joke. I continued to feel the Force for several minutes before I opened my eyes and looked up to find him, still crouched down on his heels.

“Well done. Continue that for the rest of the remaining time.”

At least he was nice enough not to lecture me or scold me in front of the class. I knew he would keep an eye on me, making sure I did as told. I sighed and mentally settled back down. I stretched out my senses and once again found the ever so pleasant feeling. I did not reached the same level as before, but simmered in the Force for the class.

This was not the end. The next class I tried the same game, but he would not play. He demanded I do the exact same thing I had done the class before and then pushed me to feel as much of the Force as I could. I didn’t appreciate this. I do not take orders that I don’t want to obey well. There was no option, no backdoor, no way around it. Master Mirmo seemed to have mastered the ability to corner me and order me around before I had a chance to think. He managed to annoy me even more, by stopping me in the hallway that evening and making me feel the Force for him. I gave him a deep glare, but he would have none of it. During the third day, he challenged me into feeling all the Force in the room, as well as in the students. Some of the advance students gasped slightly as they became aware of my mental touch. When the class ended I was pounded with questions of what and how I did that. I would not tell them my secret, so I gave extremely vague questions. This did not help my popularity.

The only good outcome of these Force classes is I stopped dreaming. I had no more nightmares and if I dreamed, I could not recall them. I noticed my general mood had improved greatly and more people seemed to want to hang around me or let me still with them during meals. I grew more at easy around people. My acme covered skin had cleared up, I no longer felt dead tired, and the world just seemed brighter and more alive. I wasn’t aware of this feeling, but I stopped fighting the peace of the temple. I felt accepted and part of the family spirit. I stopped worrying if I would be kicked out. I stopped thinking of my father and my drawings seemed to improve with quality. My life, for once, was alright.