The Hidden Truth

As fast as the strong reaction of the injection came, it left with the same speed. I woke up in the healer’s room with an IV still in my arm, wires attached to me and hooked to a machine, but feeling fine. My master was sitting in a chair beside my bed. He looked to be asleep, but I wasn’t sure if he was in some sort deep meditation. I cautious reached into the flow of Force, connecting myself to his presence, and sort of mentally poked him to see if he was asleep or not. He opened his eyes to my surprise, critically looking over me to see if my health had improved. When he saw the shining, active spirit within my eyes and the glow of my skin, his face seemed to relax, telling me of the tale of a long night full of worry for him. There was a tinge of pain in me, as I realized he cared about me that much. No one ever stood the night up worrying over me, not even my parent. I greeted him with an overly cheerful tone to full let him know I was fine. He nodded, but remained quiet. I puzzled over his silence, wondering what it meant. No quick look at him could tell me anything, proving his shields were back up.

A healer came in with a tray of food. I wondered how she knew I was hungry, not to mention starving, since I had gone past twenty four hours without a bit of anything. I looked that the beeping machine and then at my master and knew the answer was the Force. In many ways, I was still pretty brand new to the Force and using it, despite my years of study. I could not think in terms of living with the Force. The Force was still something I accessed when I wanted or thought about it. A true, fully trained Jedi, breathed the Force, and didn’t even think about the simple skills I spent years ingraining into myself. I still had a lot to learn. The healer put the tray down and looked at my read outs. She said that she wanted me to stay the day here and rest for the day. I groaned, not bothering to hide it. I was not fan of lying on a bed, not being allowed to move around when I felt fine. The healer left, saying in an hour she would take out the IV.

I ate breakfast along with Mirmo. He smiled at my groan and told me I could spend the time refining my meditation skills. I looked at him for a long minute before taking another bite of some strange red fruit that was oddly sweet and tangy. I was not fond of lying still and trying to clear my mind. Doing it for more than thirty minutes was really pushing my tolerance. I was sure my master could and would look forward to dedicating an extended period of time like I had to this exercise. Just for that idea I decided not to meditate.

In the end, I spent twelve boring hours lying on the bed, not doing much. The healer had the Force and the Force had eyes to tell her if a restless me was getting out of bed for the fifth time. I was allowed to take a shower, eat meals, and a data pad to read, but other than that, she wanted me still and quiet. Those were not the usual activities of a hyper, healthy young woman. On the ninth time of getting caught out of bed, she proclaimed me as healthy, but warned me to watch out for lingering signs of reactions. I respectful nodded, remembering my master’s orders, and thanked the strict healer for her time and taking care of me so well. She grated out a response, but I knew she was utterly sick of me.

I went to my room, not to rest or play with computer, but to gather my music player and find an empty room. I turned up the music fairly loud and danced until I was lost in the music. I got to the point I no longer thought, my body became one with the beat, and the Force guided my moves. This was a state I belonged in. I was happy and complete here. The rest of the world, the universe could melt away with the drama, the pain, the fear of life. I was here, in the ever lasting now, with my music. Dancing is an art and I am an artist. Dancing is the silent, but much said, expression of the soul.

The day started off with Mirmo giving me a new class schedule. I looked to see some classes had been advanced to a harder level and others remained the same. I still had basic exercising, basic Jedi philosophy, I was placed in a Force class, and a lightsaber class! I saw that I still was stuck in basic meditation with him as my teacher. I looked up at my teacher, pondering why I was still in that class. I thought it was clear I could meditate and I should advance.

“And yet you still can not control your emotions.”

I looked at him, shocked. How did he know I was questioning about that class?

“Your emotions are very easy to read, my young apprenticed”

I bristled at the mention of being called young. Twenty one years old is not that young. Also, I didn’t act that new. Perhaps, while I loathe admitting it, he was right about my emotions. It had already been shown I was too emotional and didn’t know how to deal with my emotions to the point they took control of me. I still felt like I was slide pass getting punished for breaking down in front of him that one night. This must be his form of punishment.

“You will learn meditation is not as bad as you think it is. It doesn’t have to always be sitting still. You might come to realize meditation can help with those nightmares you still have”

I hide my surprise better. I had another nightmare last, one not so intense, but still scary and worrisome. I was disappointed with myself for not overcoming this fear. I thought the breakdown would stop all nightmares, but apparently I wasn’t immune to them, yet.

“The healing process takes time, Karen. A few days are far from enough. We will have many talks and inner looks before you are completely healed. You will have to face your face and come to terms. Don’t look so worried. I will be there to guide you. Remember, I have been through all of this. Now off to dining hall for breakfast with you. I will see you at class”

I nodded respectful. I didn’t want to look inside. I knew there was something horrible dark living within me. I was happier pretending it didn’t exist or at least that monster couldn’t affect me. I headed to breakfast and to a very interesting day.