The Hidden Truth

Using every skill, empathy, telepathy, scanning, linking, and what ever else the Force would provide, I came to the conclusion, my master was embarrassed. He seemed to feel a bit guilty for letting me stressing out until the stress affected my health. He hid his embarrassment, by replacing it with a stubbornness I had never observed before. Every night he made me clear my mind out before going to bed. He refused to let me get too worried about anything and demanded several times a day to know how I felt. This new regime did not go over well with me. I understood and even privately thanked him for wanting to look after me, but he was pushing the limit of what I would tolerate. When he announced a week after the new intense meditations that he wanted me to take down all shields, I stood my ground and refuse to obey.

“Karen, this is no an option. I want all shield removed”

I looked at him with hard, determined eyes, shaking my head. I asked him why he would request such an order.

“Because you are still resisting me”

Gee, I wonder why? I was not one to be very open with her emotions and when pried into, I tended to close up even more. The more Mirmo pushed, the more I would resist. Why couldn’t he understand that?

“This is for your own good. Now take down your shields”

I glared at him, wills silently, but powerfully clashing against each other. He would not make me do this. I had the right to keep my shields. If he could not respect that right, then he didn’t need to train me.

“You can take this to Master Skywalker if you want, but you will heard the same speech from him as you have from me”

I was so angry, so offended by his tone, that I turned heel and marched up to Luke’s office. I was steaming the whole way, full of certainty that I was in the right and my master was wrong. When the door opened, I experienced the world’s quickest emotional drain. My internal strength left, my pride fled, my certainty crumbled, and doubt took its place. In a flash I realized how childish whining about a simple order would make me look. I was being immature, unconsidered, and what is worse, self centered. Well, as I told myself, it was too late to back out now. Perhaps, good could come from this somehow.

“Hello Karen. How are you? What brings you to my door?”

With this new feeling, my voice seemed to wobble and my ability to form sensible sentences disappeared. I stuttered out I wanted to talk about something Mirmo wanted me to do that I disagreed with.

“Is that so? Well, take a sit and we will talk”

I entered his office which contained a wooden, elegantly carved desk, with a chair behind and in front of it. There was a book case full of various items, all related to the Jedi. I noticed a small stick, like a cane was on one self. I knew who once had that stick and mentally smiled. Even on this remote, hot jungle like planet, I could not escape him. I sat on the edge of the wooden chair. I didn’t want to be here anymore. I knew was in the wrong.

“So what did Master Mirmo asked you to do?”

Take down my shields. That answer refueled my anger towards my master. The emotion wasn’t a fiery, must get back at him, feeling, but a simmering this isn’t fair feeling. I raised my head, once again knowing I stood a fighting chance of overruling my master’s unreasonable order.

“Did he tell you why he wanted you to do this?”

I didn’t have a direct answer that my master explained to me, but I was bright enough to know why. I told Luke that he wanted to search through my emotions. I felt this was an evasion of my entitled privacy.

“I would hardly call it an evasion. I think he is doing to it help you. I recall that Mirmo took you as his apprentice in order to help you. He told me you were suffering from a childhood of parent abuse, from your father I seem to recall. The day of our pillow fight he told me of how you were physically suffering from the stress. You have been hiding yourself and your emotions from him and all Jedi. This is not healthy for anyone, especially a Jedi. To hide is to lie. A Jedi does not lie to anyone. A Jedi does not lie to herself either. When you hide your emotions from him, you trespass on his ability to trust you. If you can not be trusted, then he has to tighten your freedom of privacy. Perhaps, if you willfully do as he asks, you will heal and when you heal you will regain his trust. It is done in order to help you”

I blinked and then once again. This was not an answer I was expecting. The thought of Master Mirmo not trusting me hurt deeply. I wanted to say that I trusted him with all my heart, but I could not bring myself to that lie. If I trusted him, I would not be here. I would have not let myself get in this position. My mood fell. I could not trust a Jedi. I could not trust anyone. Trust was a hard thing to give. Time after time I gave trust and found people would use it, ruin it, and never give it back. I learned not to trust anyone, to always put a distance between them. It was only for my protection. Things had changed. I was with people who lived a life of honesty. I lived with people who truly wanted to help me and never cause me harm. Why could my heart not see that? Why couldn’t I open myself to Jedi. I looked up and saw Luke knew all of this.

“Please give him a chance”

I silently, humbly nodded.

“Is there anything else you want to talk about?”

I shook my head. I needed to go back to my room and think about this.

“Then I have one concern I would like to discuss”

I slightly tilted my head in confusion. What had I done wrong?

“No, you have not done anything wrong. I just want to know how you know Maser Yoda”