The Hidden Truth

Sometimes my dreams did weird things. At times, I could redream of a dream, or be aware that I was dreaming, change a dream that was going in the wrong direction, or even continue a dream. My dream that night was a continuation of the last nightmare.

Mirmo says nothing, making me feel worse. I hate my father. Even here, so far away, he has hunted me down, criticizing all that I love, all that makes me happy. I can not be him and can never satisfy him.

My father grows angry at his silence. My father continues to spit out words of loathing disgust towards my master, aimed at him and at the Jedi. My father takes a menacing step forwards to Mirmo. I feel my father’s anger like a boiling rage, threatening to overspill into violence. I coward in the dark corners of the room, as I silently beg my master to do something. Mirmo keeps his tranquil, polite glaze steady on the insane man before him. Out of loyalty and desperate dread, I step out of my fearful hunch, to give a warning to my master. My father, filled with madness, turns around and swings a powerful slap across my face. I am forced to the ground by the impact of the hit. My face stings with humiliation and shock. Mirmo finally takes a step forward. My father whips out a gun, not a blaster, and shoots my master in the chest. My master stares blankly at the hole, now dribbling deep red blood. I scream in angst and denial my master’s name.

I sat up, my blankets have been kicked half across the room and the pillows were scattered around in my bed. My throat is sore from the scream I gave that woke up me. Sweat drips down on my face, stinging my eyes. I can feel the hair on my neck straight up as I become aware of my shaking hands.

It was just a dream. That couldn’t happen. My father wouldn’t kill anyone. Or would he? He had been in the army. He had killed in the army. He had threatened to kill me before. I forced a racing heart to slow down and regulate my breathing enough that I could feel the Force. I extended my mind, picturing my peaceful dreaming master, to him, feeling the soft reinsuring presence. It was just a nightmare.

I looked at the time to find I might as well get up. I headed for the shower to clean up after that sweat bath and to wash away the vivid visions full of strong emotion out of my head. I focus on the spray and the welcoming heat to clear my mind out. This was not the day for nightmares or stress. Today was all about getting pass this lightsaber practical exam. Today was the worse day to loose my nerves. I needed all the focus I could get. My thoughts wondered back to Mirmo, trying to understand how he could fail to stop the bullet that was a sure death. Did he not believe me? He did underestimate the rath and power anger of my father? Did he so honestly believe that peaceful meditation wins all? I shook my head to shake the doubts out of my head. Again, I reminded myself today was not the day for such thoughts.

Stepping out of the shower, drying my long, brown hair, I wondered what I should do in my time before classes started. I could go talk to Mirmo, but perhaps it was best not to talk about this and not start up calmed down fears. I could go find Lyn and hang around her, but our relation had grown enough she would pick up my mood and ask questions I didn’t want her asking. It was best that she was in the dark about my reoccurring nightmares. As far was I was concerned, she didn’t need to trouble herself with my pity past. The burden was mine to bare, though my master stubbornly protested against this.
Then I thought of what to do. Go outside. Go where there is natural peace. Go where no one can bother you or would look for you. Go outside and heal.

I took a deep breath, as much as my lungs could take, of the morning dew, of crunching grass and leaves under my feet, of the smells of millions of animals, and of the perfume of wild exotic flowers. It was the smell of the living Force, a smell I could keep smelling for eternity. I opened myself up to the full span of the Force, losing my identity, mind, and personality to the conscious of the Force. For a moment, I forgot about I was standing, slightly sweating in the heat of the rising tropic sun, and was only aware of the universal at large. But, this was only for a few seconds and my attention dropped back to the ants that had decided to climb up my legs and onto my hands. I shook them off and began walking.

I did not far because I did not want to lose sight of the temple, not knowing how to get back if I did. There was no need to go far anyhow. The various plants were of so many colors and different shades, I was sure I could find a new color no artist had ever used. There were glimpses of wild life, mostly small, darting birds and rodents, to catch the swish of a tail or heard the rustle of leaves when the birds took off. The jungle was alive with the sound of music coming from the birds whistling, creaking, and barking out their song of mating or demanding food. One could heard the distance howls and answering cries of packs hunting breakfast. I looked up to see darkening grey cloud pre told the promise of a rainy day. The clouds where low, covering a great amount of land and slow, like an evil presence slinking sneakily to siege control and ruin all hope of light. I shivered, being reminded of my dream.

I headed back to the temple, not so much for the rain, but because my stomach demanded with rude growls that I feed it. I found my master waiting outside of the dining hall. His questioning face told me he knew of my little stroll and knew there was a reason why I could take it so early in the morning. I was not about to retell of my disturbing dream, so instead I smiled, brightening up my presence, and cheerfully greeted him, asking how he was. His eyes narrowed as he greeted me back and said he was well. He followed me into the room, starting to fill with hungry Jedi. I knew I had only briely avoided being questioned, knowing I could not escape him the whole day, but glad he decided not to drill me now. As I ate, I begin to prepare myself for the up coming test, one I would glad just to get over.