The Hidden Truth

I'm sick with apprehension

A few days later, in the late evening when the whole temple had quieted down for sleep, I was still up, on the computer.

“Should not you be in bed?”

I hadn’t heard the door open because I was listening to one of songs by Blink 182. I turned my attention to him, but when he opened his mouth to speak, I held up my hand to keep him silent as I listened to the song.

This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)

I'm so lost
I'm barely here
I wish I could explain myself
But words escape me
It's too late
To save me
You're too late
You're too late

You're cold with disappointment
While I'm drowning in the next room
The last contagious victim of this plague between us
I'm sick with apprehension
I'm crippled from exhaustion
And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

This is the first (thing I remember)
Now it's the last (thing left on my mind)
Afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)
An empty heart (replaced with paranoia)
Where do we go (life's temporary)
After we're gone (like new years resolutions)
Why is this hard (do you recognize me)
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing)

Master Mirmo tilted his head and studied me more carefully. I sniffed once and rubbed my nose. I wasn’t crying, but my nose was running.

“Still clinging to your past?”

I nodded and then sniffed again, wishing I could get up to get my tissue box, but I was too tired to do so.

“The faster you let you, the faster you will heal. Listening to these songs may seem a good thing for it describes you perfectly, but the song only encourages you to hang onto memories that harm you.”

I asked him why then did he make me show him my memories.

“That is a good question. Up until then, I still did not have a good idea as to what had happened to you or why you were “sick with apprehension” and “crippled from exhaustion” as that song goes, I believe. Now that I know, I know you do not need to wear them like your clothes. Leave them in the past and only visit them on occasion”

I sighed and quietly sniffed again. There was a moment of silence, each person keeping and thinking to themselves. A tinkling feeling was working in my nose. The feeling kept up until I gave a loud, strong sneeze that forced me into the back of my desk chair.

“Bless you. Are you getting sick? How are you feeling?”

I sniffed again, rubbing my dripping nose on my shirt sleeve, before telling him I was fine. I just had a bit of a runny nose. One sneeze didn’t mean I was sick.

“But it is a warning sign of a cold coming. You are going to bed and getting some rest for your body. No arguments”

I gave him a slight glare, but went to bed. I would be fine. Tomorrow I would be bouncy and then attack him with a squirt gun for getting overly worried over nothing.

Unfortunately for me I was wrong when I woke up very early in the morning. My throat was a dry, sensitive desert that hurt each time I took a breath. I felt that there was some sort of endlessly firing going on back there that water would not put out or help. I groaned, painfully, as I got up from the bed to go to the refresher. My body ached and my movements showed the lack of energy the germs in me were eagerly sucking up. I barely got a tissue in time to catch the ooze coming from my nose. I blew hard, then again and still found myself sniffing. When I was done with relieving myself, I slowly dragged my sick body back to bed to sleep. Mirmo was not going to let me go anywhere except for the healer’s office, so I might as well sleep in. There was a loud knock at the door a few hours later. I tried to talk and found no sound would come out. I gave a rough cough and tried again. I manage to whisper to the door for it to open.

“How are you feeling?”

I told him I was fine. At least, that is what I wanted to say.

“I am sorry. I think I heard ‘I need to go to the healer’s office’”

I glared at him and in cracked whispered, for that is all I could produce, I said that I just needed to sleep.

“I am having trouble making out what you’re saying from the frog in your throat. I think you said you need to stay in bed with a healer looking after you”

I was about to shoot him another glare, but a violent cough took my attention away from him. Oh, this wasn’t fair. Even my parents wouldn’t have taken me to a doctor over a simple cold. In fact, I was sent to school several times running low fevers. I was touched by his caring, but he was going too far with this.

“Now, get up and come with me”

No. I was going to win this.

“Karen Nightingstar, this is an order. You are sick. You need medical attention. You need to go to a healer”

I didn’t care this was an order. I wasn’t going to get up. Just because I was sick and feeling horrible, didn’t mean he could boss me around like a child. I was twenty. By now, I should know my body and know what I needed. Our wills meet each other and clashed. I refused to back down. He refused to let me refuse an order.

“If you will not get up, then I shall bring a healer here”

Fine by me. Anyone could see this was a cold that would go away in a few days with a lot of sleep and food. If this would make him happy, then so be it. I was not going to get up.

“I will be back in a little bit. You are not to get up to get on the computer”

Gee, who did he think he was? He wasn’t my father. He was my master, but we weren’t that different in age. He was my teacher, but I was still an independent grown up and demanded to be treated like one. He wanted me to let go of my past and one way of doing that was not to remind me of my parents.

The healer came in, along with Mirmo. She had me sit up, describe how I felt, touched me with her hands and the Force and stood up.

“She is running a light fever, but there is nothing in her lungs. It looks like she had an ordinary cold. I would say sleep, lots of liquids, hot food, and a day off from classes should take care of this bug”

With that, I was given a pill to take my fever down and to help dry up my nose. The healer left Mirmo, who looked a bit disappointed that she had not agreed with how serious my condition was. He sighed and looked a bit uneasy. I croaked out a question of what was wrong with him.

“I am coming to terms with myself that I overrated with you. You know yourself best and I should have realized that. Sometimes with all your active personality, you can make yourself seem younger than you really are. I am sorry that I tried to demand something that was not reasonable. Will you forgiven me?”

I was taken back by this question. I was never apologized for being right at my home, unless I forced it out of my parents. My master looked so uncomfortable with what he had done, my heart softened and the rebellious state I had been in disappeared. I took a minute to let out a barking cough and then said I would, under one condition.

“And what is that?”

I wanted him to tell me a story. I wanted to know more about his past.