Sequel: Reaching Through Darkness ›
The Hidden Truth
Love
“I would like you all to get into the assigned pairs. Roan with Karen. Nield with Irini. Jem with Carl. Dack with Kit. Max with Salla.”
My heart picked up its pace at the name of Roan. We were in lightsaber class again and being paired off to practice simple fighting moves against each other. My spirits leaped in pure joy as I looked fondly over to Roan, sitting somewhat near me. I eagerly turned around to see if he felt as I did. His face was neutral. He did not seem excited or displeased by the fact we would be fighting together. Well, that didn’t matter. This was the moment I had been waiting for to make my move on him. Oh, this was the best day of my life. This was a day come true.
We stood up, went to a part of the room that was empty and raised our sticks to waist high. This was exciting. This was cool. He looked at me and then bowed. I copied his movement and impatiently waited for the teacher to give us the go.
“You may start.”
Yes. I studied Roan, looking for a way to start this fight. I raised my sword and deal an aim to his left shoulder. His eyes slightly widen in surprise. He took a step back and awkwardly moved his stick to block me. The move was so badly done I didn’t have the heart to connect the blow to his shoulder, but let the sword barely miss his shirt by centimeters. He blushed a tiny bit and a stab of guilt hit me. I shouldn’t make him look like a fool, yet I didn’t want to hurt him. I retreated another step, and looked at him again, pretending to decide where to strike next, but really I was giving him time to attack me.
The boy recovered and advanced two steps, one forward and one to his right. Roan raised his stick and seemed to want to hit my elbow. I did a half turn to my left and swiftly brought the sword over to stop his. I started to push his sword towards his chest and then stopped. I caught a look on his face. It was full of self pity and helplessness. For all Roan was good at and was known by, he could not fight to save his life. My heart cried bitterly for him. I pulled back and dropped the sword to between my lower waist, between my legs, waiting and thinking. Roan gathered himself once again and swung his sword at me, over his left shoulder, if to cut off my neck. I took a step back and leaned to my left, easily dodging the move. He saw this move and quickly had his stick follow my movement. I slowed down just a bit and felt the light sting of the stick hitting my head. I smiled at Roan for a reward of finally hitting me. Yet, Roan did not smile, but retreated with a look of horror. I looked at him, confused. Shouldn’t he be happy and pleased with himself?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you ok?”
Stunned, I nodded. Roan had hardly caused me any pain and that was supposed to be a death blow. He didn’t need to apologize.
“Karen, your master would like a word with you.”
I jumped as the lightsaber teacher said this. All the fighting had stopped to look at me and my master in near the entrance to the room. I quietly walked over to my silent, glazing master, who did not look too pleased with me. He pointed with his head out the door, indicating he did not want the whole class hearing this. I gulped, knowing I was in for a lecture of some sort. I guilty walked out the door, took a few steps into the hallway and gave Mirmo one look before staring down at the ground.
“What were you doing in there?”
Flitching, I said quietly I was fighting.
“Oh really. It more liked you were flirting”
I said nothing. I wanted to defend myself, to argue this point, but anything I said would simple convict myself of this crime.
“Did you know that the old Jedi order use to forbid relations like yours? You would have been told not to let your feelings for him control you and would have been asked to not see him again.”
Yes, I knew this. I had done my research. Love for a singly woman was one of the major reasons why the order collapsed during the Clone Wars. Master Mirmo didn’t know that I knew this. I looked up at my master. I told him that love was what brought this order together and strengthen it. Luke saved the galaxy with the love of his father. Princess Leia fought for the freedom of millions for the love of the people. Was it so wrong that I loved Roan?
“What you are feeling is not love, and what you are feeling is not helping anyone. You hardly know this boy, but you are attracted by his looks and outward personality. You let your need to impress him override your ability to learn. If this were a real fight, against someone who was trained, but with the same looks, you would have been dead in a matter of three seconds. Letting an attractive man win because you want to impress him will only weak you and you might as well go back to your room.”
Again, I was stunned by his words. They were so clear, so painful, and what was worse, so right.
“Now, you are going back in there and you will fight like you mean it.”
I sighed and told him I understood. I could not imagine beating Roan and still having any hope of winning his attention to me, but between the choice of my master and Roan, my master was more important.
My heart picked up its pace at the name of Roan. We were in lightsaber class again and being paired off to practice simple fighting moves against each other. My spirits leaped in pure joy as I looked fondly over to Roan, sitting somewhat near me. I eagerly turned around to see if he felt as I did. His face was neutral. He did not seem excited or displeased by the fact we would be fighting together. Well, that didn’t matter. This was the moment I had been waiting for to make my move on him. Oh, this was the best day of my life. This was a day come true.
We stood up, went to a part of the room that was empty and raised our sticks to waist high. This was exciting. This was cool. He looked at me and then bowed. I copied his movement and impatiently waited for the teacher to give us the go.
“You may start.”
Yes. I studied Roan, looking for a way to start this fight. I raised my sword and deal an aim to his left shoulder. His eyes slightly widen in surprise. He took a step back and awkwardly moved his stick to block me. The move was so badly done I didn’t have the heart to connect the blow to his shoulder, but let the sword barely miss his shirt by centimeters. He blushed a tiny bit and a stab of guilt hit me. I shouldn’t make him look like a fool, yet I didn’t want to hurt him. I retreated another step, and looked at him again, pretending to decide where to strike next, but really I was giving him time to attack me.
The boy recovered and advanced two steps, one forward and one to his right. Roan raised his stick and seemed to want to hit my elbow. I did a half turn to my left and swiftly brought the sword over to stop his. I started to push his sword towards his chest and then stopped. I caught a look on his face. It was full of self pity and helplessness. For all Roan was good at and was known by, he could not fight to save his life. My heart cried bitterly for him. I pulled back and dropped the sword to between my lower waist, between my legs, waiting and thinking. Roan gathered himself once again and swung his sword at me, over his left shoulder, if to cut off my neck. I took a step back and leaned to my left, easily dodging the move. He saw this move and quickly had his stick follow my movement. I slowed down just a bit and felt the light sting of the stick hitting my head. I smiled at Roan for a reward of finally hitting me. Yet, Roan did not smile, but retreated with a look of horror. I looked at him, confused. Shouldn’t he be happy and pleased with himself?
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Are you ok?”
Stunned, I nodded. Roan had hardly caused me any pain and that was supposed to be a death blow. He didn’t need to apologize.
“Karen, your master would like a word with you.”
I jumped as the lightsaber teacher said this. All the fighting had stopped to look at me and my master in near the entrance to the room. I quietly walked over to my silent, glazing master, who did not look too pleased with me. He pointed with his head out the door, indicating he did not want the whole class hearing this. I gulped, knowing I was in for a lecture of some sort. I guilty walked out the door, took a few steps into the hallway and gave Mirmo one look before staring down at the ground.
“What were you doing in there?”
Flitching, I said quietly I was fighting.
“Oh really. It more liked you were flirting”
I said nothing. I wanted to defend myself, to argue this point, but anything I said would simple convict myself of this crime.
“Did you know that the old Jedi order use to forbid relations like yours? You would have been told not to let your feelings for him control you and would have been asked to not see him again.”
Yes, I knew this. I had done my research. Love for a singly woman was one of the major reasons why the order collapsed during the Clone Wars. Master Mirmo didn’t know that I knew this. I looked up at my master. I told him that love was what brought this order together and strengthen it. Luke saved the galaxy with the love of his father. Princess Leia fought for the freedom of millions for the love of the people. Was it so wrong that I loved Roan?
“What you are feeling is not love, and what you are feeling is not helping anyone. You hardly know this boy, but you are attracted by his looks and outward personality. You let your need to impress him override your ability to learn. If this were a real fight, against someone who was trained, but with the same looks, you would have been dead in a matter of three seconds. Letting an attractive man win because you want to impress him will only weak you and you might as well go back to your room.”
Again, I was stunned by his words. They were so clear, so painful, and what was worse, so right.
“Now, you are going back in there and you will fight like you mean it.”
I sighed and told him I understood. I could not imagine beating Roan and still having any hope of winning his attention to me, but between the choice of my master and Roan, my master was more important.