The Hidden Truth

Once brought back to the Jedi temple, I was quickly transported to the medical center and then stayed there for five days recovering from all sorts of wounds, both physical and mental. It seemed my excursion had done more damage to me than I knew about. An unhappy healer informed me there were over twenty different kinds of germs living in my torn up feet; some of them required painful shots to be injected into the soles of my feet. My rash, while easy to treat, had caused a light fever and was the reason behind much of my crying. An IV was inserted into my arm after a medical droid discovered I was dehydrated. Generally, I was ordered for five days to keep in bed, not that my feet allowed me to go anywhere, and keep quiet. Frankly, keeping quiet was not difficult at all for I had nothing to say and wanted no one around me.

No one really wanted to be around me much, which worked out for me. It seemed that the Jedi were not sure how to feel or judge me, so left me to try to understand themselves better. I had withdrawn from society, becoming quiet and thoughtful. I had plenty of time to go over current events, looking at my past, trying to understand everything. I came to the truth of the dark temple. During my time healing and resting, I noticed my dreams were pleasant or nonexistent. These peaceful nights of rest healed the wounds that were caused by the last memory session. A deep peace settled into me and grew until I knew with all my heart my past would no longer haunt me. I had gone within myself to face off the source of my internal trepidation, accepted, embraced it, loved it, and released it, just as any Jedi should. It was strange to say that I was able to do something that my master had spent a total of six months trying to do for me. Perhaps, in that light, my little trip was worth it, despite all the other problems it had caused.

The biggest problem my escaped has caused was between me and master Mirmo. It seemed that I had broken Mirmo’s trust in me, but he was too attached to me to admit that out in the hope. Honestly, I wished he would. He came to visit me out of a sense of duty and I suspected that Luke strongly suggested it. Otherwise, I felt he would have not come at all. The visits were short, formal, and awkward. We had little to say other than acquiring my health and his. The look in his eyes spoke of the pain, the lack of sleep, the confusion he felt towards me and the unasked questions that burned on his thin pressed lips. Mirmo kept a certain space between us that clearly spoke how much he didn’t trust me and didn’t want to be there. He said nothing of further training or classes I was missing. The thought of Mirmo dropping me as his apprentice crossed my mind more than once and sent me to tears more than one night.

He wasn’t the only visitor or the only one at odds with me. My best friend Lyn at the temple was also confused and hurt by my quick and unexplained leave. She came to visit twice a day and loyally stayed at night until I fell asleep, but her emotions did not escape my notice. She worked hard to keep my spirits up, bringing me literature to read and paper to draw horses for her, but she too fell unnaturally silent when Mirmo came in.

“Hello Lyn, hello Karen.”

Lyn turned her laughing eyes from me and gave my master a bashful, uneasy look, as though she did not want to be here. Mirmo returned her glaze with a mild look, I sensed that his mood was more directed towards me than her.

“I trust that you are well?”

“Oh very much, Master Mirmo. I hope you are equally as well?”

“Yes, I am. I came here to check up on Karen. I can see your feet are healing well. Well, I have work to do. I will see you all later.”

With that, he turned and walked out of the door. Lyn turned around again and looked at me, trying to understand what had happened. I was now the one feeling hurt and uneasy and dropped my eyes to the sheets. There was a moment of silence before Lyn spoke up.

“He doesn’t trust you, does he?”

I swallowed and nodded in agreement.

“I think you hurt him.”

Again, I nodded, trying to calm rushing tears. She spoke the feelings that had been growing hard in my heart.

“And I think you’re hurt too by his actions.”

I blurted out that I was sorry.

“Sorry for what?”

I told her, choking and hold back welding tears that I was sorry for this whole mess. I was wrong to run and I was wrong to break his well earned trust. I was sorry that I had hurt her and the order. I had shamed them all. To my surprise, Lyn stood up and brought me in her arms. Shocked and touched, I hugged her back. We let go and settled back down, both of us more peaceful and understanding towards each other. There was a knock at the door and in came a healer with a data pad. The healer came in and handed it to me. I read it and opened my mouth, unable to say anything. It said I was to report to the council the next day.