Pup Among the Big Dogs

The whole day we walked entirely in silence. I bet that if he could walk without my help, he wouldn't even be touching me. I guess I got my wish. What had I done to make him so mad? All I did was tell him to kill me. I wasn't even serious! Well, not one hundred percent serious anyway.

As soon as the sun set entirely and the moon made it's way into the sky, I decided it was time to stop. Good thing I actually knew where we were heading or it would probably take a year to get back. But I couldn't wait until Ian was feeling better so I could be the one having trouble keeping up. Then order would be restored again.

"Ian, let's stop. It's the dead of night and I can't see very well," I told him, not looking at him. Truth was, I was afraid to. I was afraid I would see hatred in his eyes. Or maybe disgust or torment. None of those things would be pleasant to see when I saw my reflection in his eyes.

"Alright."

I helped him hobble over to a tree and lay down underneath it in case it started to rain. He got comfortable and I sat down beside him, keeping some distance between us. Half of me wanted him to pull me close, but half of me knew this is what I truly wanted, so screw the other half.

"Good night," he said quietly, turning carefully on his side. His back was to me and I felt a tear run down my cheek. I needed this, but I didn't want it.

"Sweet dreams," I told him, using the last bit of my normal voice. I knew if I waited a second longer then he would hear the hurt as my sobs caught my throat in a game of twister.

"I love you," he muttered softly and I was never good at telling what people meant, but I'm sure he wasn't so sure of himself with those words. I bit my lip, regretting having said anything.

Funny what a hypocrite the guy was. I remember when he had told me he hated seeing such hate in my eyes, but how did he think about me having to go through that with him? This relationship was going nowhere and my days before my sixteenth birthday were slowly being used up. He had yet to make me fall head over heels for him. It had been two months already. Only around three to go and then...

Then things were going to get awkward and probably dramatic. He seemed like the kind of guy who was either obsessive or overprotective. Maybe we would fight a lot and I would run away and have him chase me down. Then it would be like a hostage situation. That wasn't a good kind of relationship. Just a guess.

"I'd go to sleep if I were you, Isabel," I heard Ian tell me, mumbling. He seemed only half awake at the time. "I'm feeling better so we might get further tomorrow and you'll need sleep."

"I'll sleep when I can," I told him. This was the most we had talked all day.

"Now, Bel. Remember what happened last time you didn't listen to me?"

Had to bring that up, didn't he?

"Fine," I grumbled and I think I heard him laugh. Or maybe I just wanted to hear him laugh. To know he wasn't so mad that he couldn't be happy. Nonetheless, I drifted into a dreamless sleep.

Good thing, too, or I'd probably have had nightmares.