Where's the Heart?

So yet another month had passed and Edwin was acting normal again, despite how I felt about that. He would occasionally be nice and spare my feelings, but only when I was super depressed. But after two months, I had begun to enjoy his company more and I strangely felt at ease knowing he would be there waiting for me when I got home from work.

But I shouldn't feel this way about him. When he first decided to join me in my life I had hated him. No, more than that, I wanted to brutally murder him and do horrible things to his corpse! Now...I don't know what I would do if harm came to him. But the way he teased...it used to tick me off but now it made me laugh. The way he can be so caring one second and a total jackass the next no longer bothered me.

The fact that he was a bloodsucker that only liked me for my blood made me think "at least he's here with me and not elsewhere." That couldn't be healthy. You don't flirt with a vampire when you're a human. It's just not right and it's against nature!

But then again, I break a lot of rules, so what's one more? But Edwin certainly didn't feel the same. Why would he, though? He was a god and I was peasant. I know he had caught me staring at him a few times, but he never said anything to embarrass me. He just would glance and look back at what he had been doing. Of course, then I would snap my head away and occupy my eyes with something other than him.

But the more time I spent with him, the harder it got to not let him know how I felt. And if he could read minds--which I'm sure he could--he probably already knew that I found him unbelievably attractive. But that adorable boy was just so oblivious! And he was cute that way.

Oh yeah, and Edwin had eased up on the "no human interaction" rule. Sometimes him and I would go to the Java or even to the one place I had met him. But when we went there he would always do what he had done when he met me: showed me my keys and slammed me to the wall to bite my neck. But it was a joke type of thing and we both laughed when he did it. Him laughing just made me laugh.

No, I don't love him nor am I in love with him, I just think if he were human, maybe we could have something. Maybe we could be more than the nothing we are. Sometimes I ease in the question "So what are we?" and I always got the same old "We are nothing." I can't believe that it broke my heart whenever he said that.

I may not love him, but I wish I could. Mostly though, I wish that I could love him and that he would love me back. If that makes any sense at all anyway.

Well, good thing I didn't waste my money on radishes. I was never going to tell him to suck them ever again: I'd save that for the people at work who I hated more each and every day. Me, evil? Ha, no way!