Where's the Heart?

The Tale of the ***ing Rapist

I waited up for awhile just for Edwin to come home. Was it a bad thing that he had this hold over me? I knew the answer: yes. Vampires and humans could barely coexist together, but a romance between them was another thing.

And that one was impossible, no matter how much I wished otherwise. If there was a way to cure him of his vampirism, believe me, I would climb any mountain and swim across any ocean to get it for him. Just so we could be together. No, to be something. Anything was better than the nothing we had to be.

But every second he was gone made me worry for him even more. What if something had happened and he didn't come home? No, he had to come home. I needed him to. He couldn't just up and disappear. Not when I just started liking the guy. That wouldn't be fair in the least!

What is happening to me? Worrying that a vampire, a freaking vampire, could be killed by a human? I couldn't even stand up for myself to the guy, so how could anyone harm Edwin? So I needed to calm down. Was I high or something? Nothing made any sense anymore! Maybe I was wasted and that's why I was so jittery. I wonder how the beer had tasted? It does smell awful.

By the time I had figured out that I had been ranting to myself and sometimes even talking to myself, an hour had passed and I heard a door slam. I ducked under a table, caught off guard by the sudden sound. I probably looked ridiculous.

"What are you doing? Is this a human thing or what?" Edwin snickered, laughing at me and not with me. But oh well, he was okay!

"Thank the great chicken in the sky!" I exclaimed, weirding him out right before I threw myself at him, hugging him like mad.

"Great chicken...sky..." Edwin muttered in a daze. The plan had worked like a charm! I pulled myself from him, smiling absurdly. "I fear for your sanity."

"Oh, pish-posh! My sanity walked out on me long before you came around," I assured him, dismissing it with a waving hand. He decided not to question anything. He must've realized just who it was he was speaking to. The Amazing Jade! Or Jade, for short.

"What are you doing up?" His eyes were full of suspicion.

"Nooothing," I promised, grinning.

"Oh, that's the face of a true saint," he mumbled dryly. "Are you sleeping tonight or not?"

"Edwin!" I gasped.

"What?" he asked, looking around for what had upset me.

"How dare you!" I shrieked. "Asking me if I want to have sex with you! You men make me sick; even the dead ones!"

"I wasn't implying to that, though I'm sure you wish I were." He rolled his eyes. "Come on."

"Taking me to your rape room, huh? On the first date? Shame on you!" I followed him, rambling on about torture devices I was sure he had and how he was going to rape me, kill me, than rape my corpse for kicks. In face, I was still ranting by the time we were in my room.

"God, do you never shut up?" he asked, sighing.

"Don't speak to God in that way! I'm the one talking here!"

"Oh, I wasn't aware." Sarcasm isn't so flattering, Eds!

"As I was saying...Where was I? Hmm. Oh yeah!"

"No!" he yelled, covering my mouth with his hands. I smiled. "Jade!" He removed his hand and wiped it on his pants. "Why did you lick me?"

"I wanted to know how vampires taste when ya lick 'em!" I smiled and thought for a moment. "Ah yes, so before you rape, kill, rape, you're probably going to take me out on a date so I don't suspect for you to be a murdering rapist." I rambled on into the night and Edwin surely was enjoying it. That I know for sure.


I'm sure that was an ugh of joy!