Where's the Heart?

I got up the next morning, showered, ate, and did all my other routine crap before watching a bit of tv as usual. I sat on the couch. I had thirty minutes before I was off to hell and I planned to relax a bit before facing the Devils there.

"Good morning, Jade."

Alright, maybe not! You know, whatever he wants! Psh yeah right!

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked him, sighing. "I normally only get to see you once a day. Ha, you know how hard it is to make it sound like it's fun seeing you?" I flipped through the channels rapidly. Nothing was ever on, but whatever. I had company today!

"Just checking in," he said, nonchalantly, looking around my living room, touching everything.

"What on earth are you doing?" I asked, watching as he literally touched everything!

"Leaving my scent. Why do you ask? Normally I'm only in your room. Oh, by the way, my scent's there, too. Just a warning." He continued tediously contaminating my items.

"Warning?" I questioned. He never once looked at me.

"Take any guy in there and he'll be intimidated. He won't set foot in there so I guess there will be no sex for you," he told me dryly. I grimaced, but I had to play this up.

"I could always go to the guys house. That's what I always do."

"Really now?" He stopped 'working' and walked to me, inhaling. "Ha, you're a virgin and you'll be staying that way. Hey, it's not so great anyway."

"Whatever, Edwin." I was beyond caring at this point. He seemed shocked.

"No remark? No smart ass comment? Honestly, what is with Jade today?"

"Suck a radish, Edwin. I'm trying to relax before I go to work and you're not helping!"

"Suck a... Wow. You're not a morning person are you?"

"Shove it, buddy," I mumbled, turning off the tv. Normally there was something on. "I'm leaving for work." I stood and decided to leave him to marking up my house. Whatever, I couldn't care less.

"Wait!" He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him. What was going on?

"What--"

"Hush." He held a finger to my lips. "Don't speak, my love."

"WHAT--!!!"

"I said don't speak," he snickered. What was he doing?!?! I was about to kick some serious vampire butt here! He started leaning in and God oh God was he going to kiss me? "Jade I've been wanting to do this all morning." He was an inch away when he pulled back and bit my neck.

"UGH!!!" I screamed when he had finished. He was pretty much loving life at this point as he laughed way too hard.

"Ha! Did you really think I was going to kiss you?! That is rich!"

"Go to hell!" I walked out the door. I couldn't believe him!!! Ugh, I thought I would be able to break a heart.

"Wait! Don't go to bed angry, my love," he mocked. I slammed the door in his face.

"Suck it!"

I swear, I was stopping at the store and buying plenty of radishes.