Draco Malfoy's Dirty Little Secret

It had been three months. Three depressing, agonizingly short, horrible months.

It was now December 3rd. Christmas holiday started on December 17th. I had exactly two weeks before I began my nine month long mission.

I kicked the pathetic excuse for wood for the fifth time. The fucking cabinet wouldn't break; it wouldn't fix. All it would do is sit there, perfectly still and tower over me as if to say: I dare you to challenge me.

My converse connected with the wood a sixth time. Nothing.

Draco's arms wrapped around my waist, and he laid his chin on my shoulder.

"It's going to be fine, Love," he whispered, "I'll talk to Bella over the holiday, I'll visit Borgun & Burkes. I'll take care of it all."

I leaned against him. Draco had become my support system. But not in the way I wanted.

We limited our time together. We didn't speak in class, outside of class, or even when we were alone in the common room. The only time we allowed contact was while we were in the Room of Requirement.

Moments like this, when he actually got to hold me, were the only reason I lived.

Draco and I had both lost weight, lost sleep; dark circles grew under our eyes. We were stressed, on edge. Anyone who was within twenty feet of us felt our wrath. The Golden Trio were suspicious, so was Dumbledore.

The only people who knew the reasons behind this all were Snape and our closest friends. Marissa and Sophie stayed by my side at all times. Crabbe and Goyle did the same for Draco. Blaise and Monty were forced to go back and forth between the two groups. The separation was taking a toll on them, but we couldn't chance contact. The only time we were out of Voldemort's watchful gaze was in this room.

---

"What was it like?" I asked him softly, "When you died a few months ago?"

"It was beautiful," he whispered, "It was just the way Heaven should be. It was warm and peaceful, full of meadows and rolling hills. Well, that's where I was anyway. I think there is more though, in other places."

"Why do you think that?"

"Everyone has their own definition of Heaven. For some reason, I just got this feeling that there was more than what I was seeing. Like maybe just beyond the hills was a beach with an ocean, or a canyon, or forest, or some other magnificent structure of nature," he answered.

In all my life, I'd never heard Draco so thoughtful. His voice was different when he spoke about Heaven, it was soft and serene, like he was dreaming.

"Did it hurt?" I asked, a childish question, but one I felt compelled to have answered.

"For just a second. The curse itself didn't hurt, the separation of my soul and by body did though. It wasn't really painful physically, it was more of an emotional pain. It felt like I'd lost part of myself."

I nodded and thought about what he'd said. I wondered what Heaven would be like for me. I wondered if when I did die, I would share the meadow with Draco, or have my own place. I hoped to be with him.

A couch appeared out of thin air. Apparently, Draco had decided it was time for a break. He pulled me over to the couch. I sat down, despite the violent urge to keep kicking the cabinet.

Draco laid down with his head in my lap.

I ran my fingers through his hair absentmindedly. I loved him so much. I knew the Dark Lord could see that. Yet, I also knew that he didn't understand, didn't care. He was incapable of loving. He would never let us be together.

I decided to quit stating the obvious over and over again in my mind. Thinking hadn't gotten me anywhere, and running away just brought me back with a fiercer set of problems. What could I do?

It was in that instant that I concocted the perfect plan. It was reckless, irrational, and completely idiotic. However, if I could pull it off, it could save everyone from a grim fate.

"Draco?" I whispered. He sat up and locked his eyes with mine.

"What, Love?" he asked.

"I need a favor, a big favor."

"Anything," he answered. His eyes held a frantic look, but he kept my gaze. I knew that he was trying to read me, to decipher my thoughts, pull them from my mind.

I loosely grabbed his tie and pulled his face close to mine.

Then I kissed him. Screw Voldemort.

He responded quickly, forcing me down onto the couch. He wanted this. I could tell.

Draco broke away from my lips and began to place soft kisses along my neck and collarbone. I undid his tie and threw it aside; then started to undo button after button on his shirt.

He followed my lead, making quick work of my shirt, then my bra. I pulled his lips back to mine. The taste of his kisses was like a drug, one I couldn't bear to live without.

Draco traced one finger in between my breasts, then down my stomach and along my curves. He stopped when he reached my skirt; breaking the kiss.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" he whispered whilst placing light kisses along my jaw line.

"No," I answered honestly, bringing his lips back to mine, "This is what I need."