Insert Romantic Title Here

I slammed my fists down at the table in anger. It was four in the morning and I hadn’t slept in what felt like months. But it had only been a week since we’d left New York. And unfortunately the feeling in my stomach only seemed to spread out to every crevice of my body until I was in complete agony. What could it possibly be that made me feel this way?

A deep sigh escaped my lips. It was no good trying to fight this feeling.

Reluctantly I got up from the table and turned on the coffee pot.

“Want any coffee?” I whispered to Chad.

“I don’t like coffee. But I have some iced tea in the fridge. Grab it for me?”

“Sure.”

I sat down next to him when my coffee finished. Taking a deep inhale I closed my eyes and thought about everything that’d happened within the past week.

My mind carried me back to Central Park.

“What’re you thinking ‘bout?” Chad asked.

“Oh,” I replied slightly flustered. “Not much.” Only the fact that I’m in love with Gerard. Other
than that, I can’t say it was much.

He eyed me quizzically out of his corners.

“You haven’t slept in days. You missed yesterday’s concert. Something has to be on your mind.”

“Oh, it’s- nothing.” I couldn’t seem to come up for an excuse for this. I scratched my head and placed my coffee down.

“I bet I can guess,” He said. I had a hard time deciphering if he was joking or not. He kept going. Not joking… “It’s Gerard isn’t it?”

Shit.

I shoot my head.

“No. I don’t think-” I faked a yawn. “Oh look at that. A yawn. I’m gonna go to bed. See ya tomorrow, Chad.”

I could hear his eyes roll and head shake as I stumbled to my bunk.

Pulling the covers over my head I felt like crying for the first time in a while. I just wanted to disappear into darkness. And I had no idea why.
-----
“Shh! Don’t wake her up!” Jackie whispered.

“Too late,” I mumbled and turned to inward to face Jackie.

Gerard was standing with her. They were kneeled down by my side and looked slightly concerned.

“What’s going on?” I ask, noting Gerard’s red tie and raccoon mask makeup.

“There’s a show. We wanted to make sure you were fine,” He answered.

“A show?!” I yelled, astonished. “Have a really been sleeping that long?”

Gerard shrugged and Jackie nodded.

I sunk back down to my pillow and pulled the covers over my head.

“So, do you wanna come?” Jackie asked pulling the covers away from my eyes.

I rubbed my forehead and let out a sigh that I didn’t mean to let out.

“When does it start?”

“In a half an hour.”

I groaned in pain. That feeling wasn’t gone and I hardly felt like I could have a good time at this concert. And I really didn’t feel like getting up. If I did I’d just damper the fun of the others.

“Nah, I’m still tired,” I lied.

“Oh,” Gerard’s voice quiet and the one syllable word was soaked in disappointment.

“Okay…”

Jackie patted me on the head and stood up. Gerard gave me a halfhearted smile and did the same. He glanced back and me before leaving and then I heard him whisper something to Jackie. I didn’t hear much but I thought I did hear the phrase, “Not the same.”

That hit me hard. What if I was changing? What if something’s wrong with me? I didn’t feel any different. Well… I did.

This stupid feeling has been causing me nothing but sorrow since the first time it knocked on my door! I don’t feel like having guests right now! So just go away! But it never listened when I yelled at it. It just kept eating away at me piece after piece until only the bad things were left. Mostly anger. This burning anger that seemed to alight every time I looked at someone.

I threw the covers off me and stomped into the crowded bathroom. There were clothes thrown on the floor. A single earring penetrated the bottom of my foot and made me jump. Upon my landing I slipped on a Lemon Demon shirt.

“Melissa…” I grumbled.

Anxiety ridden I fumbled back to my sore foot and yelped a bit. Regaining my balance I staggered over to the mirror and firmly set my hands on each side of the counter.

I was facing the mirror dead on when the flames lit up.

This indescribable hatred filled my body. My fingers were quivering from this power of hate inside myself. My lips shook with sadness. My eyelids clamped together, not able to stand the image that they had been so long glued to.

Why was I feeling this way! What was going on inside me that caused such chaos in my mind! Something has to be wrong with me! That’s why Gerard said what he did. I’m not the same. I have changed. He doesn’t love me anymore.

What are you talking about, Katie? You never knew if he loved you in the first place.

He didn’t love me. He didn’t love me. He doesn’t love me. He never loved me. He never will love me. I’m not good enough for him.

Misery took rage’s place.

I fell to the pile of clothes in sobs.

I opened my eyes and astonishingly the clothes reminded me of Gerard. I don’t know why. They just did.

The tears fell at a record-breaking speed as I entered the bunks and I thought of that night with my notebook. The notebook made me think of the record store… It’s not going to love me back.

“I have to get out of here…” I muttered to myself while I rubbed my heard, trying to erase the pain.

As fast as my body could manage I pulled out a plain blue tee shirt and gray hoodie. I yanked them on and then switched my starry PJ bottoms with a pair of torn, faded jeans.

I exited the bus with a slam of the door, and stomped around with folded arms. The arena doors were jam packed with fans still trying to get it. According to the clock overhead of the doors the concert started in fifteen minutes.

My head cranes back and I stared up at the sky. The setting sun stared me in the eyes. I wanted to throw water at it. I wanted to make it go out forever.

Or maybe… I didn’t want the sun to go down on everyone. Just my sun. I wanted my sun to burn out.

No! Katie you can’t think that stuff!

I stormed back in the bus, not able to stay out in the night any longer from risk of doing something completely idiotic.

The concert had only begun ten minutes ago and I was already missing the noise everyone made when we called Sarah and Thom. Or when Melissa tried to cook and almost set the bus on fire. Or when Gerard would sing in the…

No! Don’t think about Gerard it would make it worse.

I gave in to my pathetic state and collapsed once again on my bunk.

Just breathe… I reminded myself. It was pitiable; I had to remind myself to breathe.

“In. Out. In. Out… Oh great now I’m talking to myself!” I sighed and shoved the pillow over my head.

Just sleep…

Just… Sleep…
-----
“Ow!”

I opened my eyes and I was lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. There was a blanket around my waist and part of it was still up in my bunk. My head sunk back to the floor in annoyance.

“Damnit.”

“Katie?”

A head leaned over from on of the bunks.

“Are you okay?” Gerard asked reaching out his hand to help me up.

“Yeah, thanks,” I said nonchalantly as I took his hand.

He gave me a strange look and sat up in his bed. I lied down and stared up at bottom of another bunk. I could feel Gerard’s eyes burning holes in the sides of my face.

With a turn and a sigh I faced him and supported my head with my hand.

He miserably shook his head and watched me with his desperate eyes. They were searching for something in me. Something I knew I wasn’t able to give.

“What’s with you lately?” He asked strangely.

“What do you mean?”

The feeling raged inside me again. Its subtleness disappeared and it hit me so hard I think I almost fell off my elbow.

“I haven’t changed.”

“Yes you have.”

I just stared at him. Urging him as best I could without words to go on.

“You don’t come to the shows anymore. The life in your eyes, it’s gone. You barely talk anymore. I don’t think I’ve heard you laugh for a week. And that smile that I love has disappeared altogether.”

He got up from the bunk and reached out for my hand.

I hesitantly took it and he stood me up.

Gerard was still in his bulletproof vest and although most of his raccoon was wiped off, some areas around his eyes were still darker than his white face. The show must’ve just ended.

I looked around and realized that we were the only two people around the bunks.

He led me out the bus. We passed everyone sitting around the table; they were hunched over focused on Melissa and Jackie playing some kind of card game.

Everyone looked up at us, as we were about to exit the bus.

Before opening the door Gerard turned around to me.

“You might want to zip that, it’s kinda cold,” He said motioning to my gray hoodie.

“Oh,” I mumbled as I zipped up my jacket.

Gerard opened the door and stepped outside. He let go of my hand and started walking ahead of me.

We were still parked behind the arena and I saw Chad helping people put amps away.

“Where are you going?” I called after him.

He simply just beckoned me to follow him and I ran to catch up with him.

“We need to talk about things,” He said staring at the ground. His voice was concerned and barely audible.

My stomach lurched as the question starting sinking in.

“Like what?” I tried my best not to make it sound like my voice was going to crack.

“Like what’s going through your mind lately? Why have you suddenly changed so much?”

The shimmering in his eyes caught my direct attention. It was this that helped me give in to myself. I had to tell him. I needed to tell someone. And he was right here. Ready to listen.

I completely let myself go after that. I told him all about this feeling that had inhabited me ever since New York. I told him of my newly found short temper and my strange thoughts of leaving touring to go back to Cleveland. I told him about my momentary desire for blood, and how I wanted to kill myself, but with the look he gave me I had to reassure him with emphasis on the word “momentary”.

“Are you feeling better now?” He asked, sitting down on a bench he’d found.

I joined him.

“I’m not sure. Sometimes that feeling just flares up at different moments, but they all seem to be connected to one thing.”

“Do you know what that is?”

Should I tell him? Well, I was telling him everything else. I might as well.

“You,” I whispered.

“Me? Like how?” He seemed subtly surprised, and also faintly flattered.

“Like whenever you talk, or I think of you, I dunno, little things I guess.”

“Is it happening now?”

“Only a little…” I trailed off.

“Anything I can do to help?”

“No… I honestly think it’s just…Gonna pass by. Like a temporary glitch or something.”

“You sure?”

“Positive.”

He got up from the bench and reached out for my hand again. I smiled and took it.

“Hey!” He said taking my shoulders and turning me to face him. “There’s your smile!”

I smiled wider and giggled.

Gerard pulled me into a great big hug and started rocking back in forth, laughing and smiling.

“Gerard-” I grunted. “I- can’t- breath.”

He just laughed more continued hugging me.

I managed to wiggle around until his head was on my shoulder and he was hugging me from behind. My arms were outstretched and I tried to walk.

With a sigh I rammed my elbow into his stomach and began running when he grasp around me was released.

I turned back to see him withering in pain and laughed.

“You forced me to do it!” I yelled at him.

He stared up at me with a fake evil in his eyes and revenge playing on his lips. With an evil snicker he got up from the ground and began chasing me back to the arena.

I think there’s some curse that I have that makes me look behind me at the worst times. I did once and fell into a fountain. Now I looked back and tipped in a hole.

Gerard then tripped over me and was now lying on my back.

“Get off of me you pervert!” I joked.

He sat up and helped me up.

My hands were scraped and my jeans were ripped and my knee bleeding.

“You okay?”

“Yup. Fine.”

I tucked some hair behind my ears and we continued to walk, normally this time, back to the bus. Where we found everyone sleeping.
-----
After that night I never really had the feeling again. I didn’t know that it was still there, but it was. And it was wearing a mask of happiness.

We stopped in a total of two cities before we found it.

Before a show one day we stopped at a corner store just a few blocks away from the arena.

“Here you are!” Melissa laughed as she found what we had stopped in for. “At last! My craving shall be relieved!” Throwing back her head in victory she held a package of Razzles.

Jackie looked at her with disbelief. “I thought you said it was an emergency,” She recalled sourly as she placed one hand on her hip.

Melissa became defensive. “It is an emergency. I would’ve died if I hadn’t gotten these.” She leaned in closer to Jackie and me. “Time of the month you know?”

Jackie and I looked at her understandingly. Then back at the guys who were too busy looking through stupid magazines to notice what we were doing.

“Hey Katie?” Mel asked.

“Yeah?”

“Can I barrow a dollar fifty?”

I sighed and handed her some change.

“Grazie.”

She skipped off to the cash register and Jackie turned to me.

“I didn’t know she spoke Italian…”

I shrugged and went to join the pointless browsing.

Skipping through the isles I joyfully stopped at the magazines with the guys. They were all huddled around some tabloid and giggling.

“What is it?” I asked curiously and stood on my tiptoes to try and see over their shoulders.

“Look!” Frank laughed and shoved the magazine in my face. “Lindsey Lohan got caught with cocaine! OOOH!”

I laughed and shove the magazine back at him.

“I can’t believe you actually look at that shit.”

“I browse!” Bob said pointing his nose in the air and huddled back into the pages.

Jackie came up over to us and prodded me with her middle finger.

“Melissa needs another quarter. Tax.”

“Damnit…”

I wiggled my hand into my pocket and retrieved another quarter.

“Here you go.” And I handed it to her.

“Grazie!” She mocked Melissa and went off again.

“Hey what’s this?” Mikey asked.

I turned around and saw him pulling something off the bottom of the rack. He looked at the cover in shock. His eyes widened and flipped the cover open to the middle of the magazine.

“What?” Gerard asked.

“Holy shit…” Mikey muttered.

“What is it?” Ray leaned down next to Mikey and started reading over Mikey’s shoulder. “No
fucking way…”

“What?!” Gerard, Frank, and I demanded.

“Look at this shit.”

Ray held the cover of the magazine up to us and I covered my mouth in awe. Gerard grabbed the tabloid from Ray. Frank turned to me and asked:

“How did THAT happen?”

I shook my head; my voice had deserted me.

“What is it?” Melissa asked happily skipping with her Razzles in hand.

“Listen to this, ‘Gerard Way Poetic Genius or Drunken Flirt?’” Gerard read the cover and held
it up so Melissa and Jackie could see the pictures that inhabited the front-page.

“Shit!” Jackie murmured.

Gerard furiously tossed the tabloid behind him and stormed outside. I caught it before it hit the floor and re-looked at it.

On the cover there were pictures from two nights ago. The main photo was one when Gerard had tripped over me. Then off to the sides there were two other pictures, one of Gerard drinking what looked like beer and one when he was hugging me and I was trying to get away.

I fumbled to open it and began reading.

Words like ‘drugs’, ‘alcohol’, ‘sex’, kept repeating over and over. This couldn’t do anything but make me mad. Gerard was getting clean. I don’t think he’s touched alcohol in two months. There was also one quote in particular that caught my eye. “Get off me you pervert!” It said.

“Fuck!” I gasped and dropped the article.

I looked around and saw everyone huddled around Mikey with another copy of the magazine. Their faces told it all. They were utterly shocked, and not to mention a tad confused.

Outside I saw Gerard lighting up a cigarette. He was obviously muttering things to himself because the people passing kept looking at him as if he belonged in a straight jacket.

“Can I have one?” I sheepishly asked when I steppe outside to join him.

He feverishly tossed the pack at me and I fumbled to catch it.

“Thanks,” I muttered.

A bus rolled by, people walked past, the busy life of the streets continued. But my own little world seemed to come to a complete halt and I went flying off.

“What just happened in there?” Gerard asked, his voice far away and his eyes watching the ground.

This must’ve been what the feeling was all about. One of those “you know something bad is gonna happen soon” feelings I guess. Because it suddenly erupted in my stomach and I almost feel to the floor from the shock of it.

My rapid shift in weight must’ve caught Gerard off guard because he looked up at me.

“What do you mean?”

“Those pictures… Where did he get them?”

“He must’ve been watching us,” I shrugged.

“Shit… SHIT!”

Gerard stomped on his cigarette and jumped a few feet away from me in anger.

“How could this happen?” He asked to no one in particular. “What will the fans think? They’ll think I’m drinking again. And THAT would be bad. Oh yeah, and they’d think I’m a rapist! A RAPIST! Lord of all things!”

“I’m sorry…”

He completely ignored me.

“If I hadn’t gone on the stupid walk with you! Ugh! This is all YOUR fault!”

Gerard turned around to say something else but stopped when he saw the expression on my face.

“No, no, no! I didn’t mean it that way!” He put his hands over his mouth.

“Then why’d you say it?”

“It just… crept up in my mind and I said it without thinking!”

“But you were thinking it!”

I got up closer to him and raised my voice.

“Yeah but that doesn’t-”

“That doesn’t what? Mean you meant it? Of course you meant it!”

“Okay,” he said getting mad. “I did mean it. This IS all your fault. If you hadn’t of had that
stupid “feeling” we would’ve never taken that stupid walk! So YES! This is all your fault!”

I pursed my lips at him and narrowed my eyes.

“So my feelings are wrong? Would you rather I didn’t feel at all?”

“In this case, yes! Now just… Just leave.”

Gerard motioned his hand for me to leave as if I was some stray dog he was shooing away.
I opened my mouth to argue against that gesture when everyone came out of the store.

Jackie and Melissa took each of my arms and dragged me the opposite direction that Frank and Ray were hauling Gerard.

“Let go of me!” I struggled and Gerard did the same.

“We’re going to get ready for the show,” Ray said to Gerard.

“Yeah, same with us,” Melissa told me.

I gave up my fight for freedom; it was basically a lost cause.

We turned a corner and the guys went out of view. Jackie and Melissa finally let go and pinned me up against a wall.

“What the hell?”

“Katie, how many time can you and Gerard fight? Honestly?” Melissa asked.

“He started it!”

They both gave me one of those how-old-are-you-again looks.

“He said my feelings were wrong.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jackie inquired.

I got into a whole spiel about this “feeling” and how it ultimately led to the taking of those pictures and that HORID article of lies.

“Oh…”

“Well that sucks…”

“Yeah… So are we really going to the show?” I pleaded.

“Of course. You haven’t gone in a while. You need a good concert.”

I dropped my shoulders and made the dragging easier on them by actually walking this time. I didn’t want to go. But I could tell they struggled with dragging me before. They probably didn’t want to do it again.
-----
For some reason the arena seemed to be less of a cheery place tonight. It was the way the shadows in the rafters were positioned, the way the fans filed in, just the littlest things made this show stand out.

Melissa and Jackie seemed just fine, though. It must just be me…

They came onstage and got off to a great start with “I’m Not Okay.” The crowd was feeding off the energy the band was giving. Jumping up and down and cheering their lungs out, it was the best crowd I’ve ever seen.

“You guys are amazing!” Gerard yelled into the microphone. “Can I get a ‘FUCK YEAH?’”

“FUCK YEAH!” We yelled back.

“What?” He put a hand up to his ear.

“FUCK YEAH!”

“THERE WE GO!”

Gerard turned away from the crowd and said something to the band. Mikey looked like he was about to reject an idea that Gerard threw at them but Gerard dismissed the rejection.

“This next song is dedicated to someone in the audience, who used to be a very good friend of mine,” He scanned the crowd and I thought he was looking directly at me.

No, I thought. I’m too far in the back.

“You know who you are! We give you, HONEY THIS MIRROR ISN’T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US!”

Ray started on guitar and I dropped my jaw in disbelief.

“What a bastard…” Jackie muttered into my ear.

I shrugged it off and that’s when Gerard started on the chorus.

“And you can cry all you want to I don’t care how much, you’ll invest yourself in me, we’re not working out. We’re not working out.”

The song continued and I was still in complete shock. He really did think those things didn’t he?

The crowd sang along cheerfully and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I grabbed my bag from the ground and stormed out of the arena.

“Katie!” I heard Melissa’s faint call. It was so hard to hear over the roar of the music.

I turned around and saw her running toward me. Jackie was still where we were before but looking at us concerned.

“Please stay, I’m sure he doesn’t mean it. I bet he’s just… blowing off steam.” She shrugged and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Please?”

I sighed and focused on the band playing their hearts out behind Melissa’s head.

“I don’t really want to,” I confessed.

“But Mikey said they had a surprise for us and this concert!” She jumped like a fan girl and made a funny face.

“This isn’t it?” I snickered pointing to the stage.

“Ha, no. Please? He said it’d be a good one!”

“Fine,” I let her take my hand and we skipped back just in time for the end of the song.

“Hey, you okay?” Jackie asked.

I nodded and clapped with the rest of the audience.

They played a couple songs before they got to the surprise that Melissa had talked about earlier.

Gerard had announced that they were going to be doing “The Ghost of You” as they did in the video. The backdrop changed from their gun logo to what looked like to be a battle scene. Though they weren’t in costume for it and couldn’t act out the parts it was still really cool.

During the battle parts they had lights that went off to signal bombs and guns firing, along with some sound effects.

Farther into the song I realized that something wasn’t right. Melissa, who had been at my side, was missing.

I looked over to Jackie and she looked at me.

“Where’s Meli-?” Jackie began. But her eyes grazed down at the floor and became glued there.

Melissa was curled up on the ground. Her arms tucked in tight to her chest and she was squirming around on the floor.

Jackie and I dropped immediately down to the ground.

“Melissa? Melissa!” Jackie took her hand and squeezed it tight. “Do you think she can hear us?”

I shook my head without really hearing the question. I was too focused on other things. Like what the fuck was going on.

“Do you think we should call for help?”

I looked up at her. What a stupid question…

“Sorry, stupid question.”

I went back down to Melissa. Her movement was becoming more rapid and I heard a
strange noise coming from her. Not so much a whimper, but not so much a scream either.

“Help! Someone help us!” Jackie screamed.

No one responded. The music was too loud and the crowd to excited.

Jackie shot up and ran over to a security guard. She brought him back over and he used a walkie-talkie to get some paramedics.

They brought in a stretcher and by now the music had ended and people started taking notice to the situation going on around them.

The band made their way through the crowd of people. Mikey pushing past all the rest.

“Let me through! LET ME THROUGH!” He shoved people almost to the floor as he whipped past everyone and over to the stretcher where Melissa was still hastily moving. “Melissa…” He laid a hand on her hair and she turned the other way.

Mikey looked up at me with the largest sense of worry. He bit his lip as they took her away into an ambulance.

I swooped him into a hug and I felt his tears dropping like bullets onto my hair and shoulders. Not long after that I started to do the same.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
Okay so, I know there are gonna be a lot of mistakes, because.... I just... do i guess. So if you find one I'd appericate it if you told me and I'll fix it right away!
Thanks!
^_^