Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

Previously...

"SHUT UP OR I'LL KILL EVERYONE HERE!"

That got their attention.

Jack's and Ezu's heads whipped around to me so fast I wouldn't be surprised if they got whiplash. They were both in mid insult, and neither bothered --or more likely had the wits-- to shut their traps; so they stared at me with their mouths hanging open, like gaping, idiot fish.

I faltered for a second at the sight of their shocked looks, but I gathered myself and plowed on.

"What, did you two forget I was here or something?" I snapped. "No, don't bother to answer. I don't want to hear it." I interrupted them as they stammered for an answer. "You two are acting like idiots. Fighting over something as stupid as this! What, do you really think either of you have the right to tell me what I should do? Well, if you do, then you are sadly mistaken! For your information, I am going to go find my clothes, go find someone who knows their way around God forsaken place, and leave. And you two can stay here and bicker like children until Armageddon for all I care! But I am certainly not going to stand here and listen while the both of you fight over my fate as if it was a fucking restaurant bill!"

And with that last savory retort still ringing in their ears, I spun on my heel and marched away, not entirely sure where I was going, but anywhere that wasn't here was fine with me.
*********************************************************************************

I should have known it wasn't going to be that easy to get rid of them.

For a blissful moment I dared to think that I had escaped, that I had possibly shamed them into behaving like the grown man-boy-things they were.

I managed to elbow my way through the slowly dispersing crowd which had gathered during the little episode and get a good twenty foot distance between me and the Royal Fools back there before they caught back up with me.

"Wait, Rikki... what?" Ezu gasped as he sprinted to my side, looking dumbfounded.

"Yeah, what do you mean leave?" Jack demanded,coming up on my other side. My frown deepened and I sped up my pace, but to no avail. The boys still flanked my on either side like body guards-- well, aside from the fact that Ezu was virtually naked-- and they seemed determined to stay there.

When I didn't answer, Ezu, with a little hop skip thing I hadn't expected him capable of making, leaped in front of me, bringing me to an abrupt halt.

"What do you want?" I growled, trying to push past him. Ezu frowned and grabbed me by my shoulders, holding me in place. Jack came around to Ezu's side as well, and the two of them glared at me like two disapproving parents.

"You can't just go wandering off on your own, Rikki!" Ezu insisted firmly, not removing his hands from my shoulders.

"Yeah, it's dangerous out there, and frankly, without someone who knows their way around this neck of the woods, you'd be wandering in circles until something showed up and ate you." Jack added.

"Which is another problem in itself. You couldn't handle it out there, Rikki. You wouldn't be able to survive a few hours alone in the forest!" Ezu insisted, my to my indignation.

"As a matter of fact, I'm not some helpless little woman who needs to come crying to big, strong men every time she trips on her skirts! I can handle myself just fine, thank you!" I snapped, trying to worm my way out of Ezu's grasp before I lost my temper all together and decked him right then and there.

Both boys seemed unperturbed by my fruitless struggling, and proceeded to just stare at me skeptically when I made my claim.

"I don't think you're quite understanding this, Rikki." Jack began, slowly. "When we say it's dangerous, we mean really, really dangerous."

"Like Giant dangerous." Ezu said.

"And Ogre dangerous." Jack added.

"And there are wolves..."

"And witches."

"And sorceresses and evil queens."

"And dwarfs can get pretty nasty."

"And of course there are the-"

"OK! OK I get it!" I finally said, throwing my hands into the air. To be honest, I was getting a crick in my neck from watching the exchange, my head turning from Ezu to Jack and back as they listed to far too numerous reasons why I would doom myself by stepping out of their sight for a second.

"How come the only time you two can seem to agree on anything is when it directly opposes what I want." I snarled, feeling a pout coming on.

Immediately, Jack and Ezu each threw each other an odd look, as if they had only just remembered the other was there, and they suddenly leap in opposite directions, as if a current of electricity had shot them apart.

"I do not agree with that uptight, pompous idiot!" Ezu spat, giving Jack the type of look I would give to someone who killed my mother.

"And that lowbrow imbecile can't string enough intelligent words together to make a sentence, let alone have anything to say that I could possibly agree with!" Jack shot back, giving Ezu a look twice as dirty.

"Well then, if neither of you agree with the other, and the other thinks that I shouldn't go alone, which means you do think I should just pack up and be on my way, I'll do just that." I replied crisply, and, hoping they understood what I had just said better than I did, I shoved my way past Jack and Ezu, determined not to let them stop me again.

However, my plans were yet again thwarted by those persistent little-

But I'll refrain from using that type of language out of courtesy.

The point is, they once again leaped in front of me, and each one grabbed me by my upper arms, successfully holding me hostage. Jack and Ezu both looked slightly sheepish as they spoke again.

"Well... maybe I do agree with him, in this particular instance." Ezu muttered, not meeting my eye.

"And, although he usually doesn't, this time Ezu does have a valid point, I suppose." Jack grumbled, scuffing a shoe in the dirt. They both looked so much little little children who'd been forced to kiss and make up, that I didn't know whether I wanted to slap them or give them comforting pats on the heads. I settled for a heavy sigh instead.

"I don't suppose I have any choice in the matter, do I?" I groaned in defeat.

"No, you don't." Ezu replied, a lopsided grin tugging at the edge of his mouth.

"Fine then." I snapped. "If you two are going to assume the role of my mother, then would you please escort me back to the Inn, so I can put on some proper clothes. You know, unless you think that's too dangerous for little old me, and I might get lost in my shirt and strangle myself to death with it." I said facetiously.

"There's my Rikki!" Ezu chuckled, his mismatched eyes glinting. I glowered at the possessive use, but Jack, on the other hand, laughed.

"Who said she was yours?" He demanded, a smile twisting at his mouth. He pulled me towards him and wrapped his longs arms around my waist before I had the chance to protest. "Maybe I wanted her." He joked. Ezu made a noise disconcertingly similar to a giggle, and pried my from Jack's embrace.

"Yeah, but I called her first." He retorted, pulling my to his chest.

I couldn't help but notice several things during this rather odd moment. For one, Jack and Ezu's animosity towards each other seemed to have suddenly and inexplicably fallen away. Perhaps it was their ability to overcome their differences for a common good-- being my safety, to my great annoyance-- or something dully clichéd like that. More likely I suspected it was some sort of male bonding over my humiliation.

I had no idea what the reason, nor how long this temporary companionship would last, but I was determined to make the most of it while it did.

The second thing I noticed was how sexist Jack and Ezu were! Sure, it was probably because their stories were from a different time than my modern world, but still! Arguing over me--even in jest-- as if I were a piece of meat! If it weren't for the fact that it had distracted them from their hate for one another, I would have knocked their chauvinistic heads together long before.

Thirdly, in direct conflict with my self-righteous rage of women's rights, I couldn't help but notice that Ezu's chest, which I happened to be held tightly against at that moment, was currently shirtless. I made an extremely undignified, pathetically girly noise and tried desperately to fight the burning flush of blood that exploded in my face, turning my cheeks the not-so-delicate color of bright red tomatoes. I glanced around, searching for help before I wet myself with... was it excitement? Embarrassment? Or something deeper, something more primitive that made my heart beat a racing tattoo against my chest in a sort of tribal beat...

I don't know, but whatever the feeling was that was turning cartwheels in my gut was making me a little dizzy.

Unfortunately, what I saw did not quell my rising nerves. Even as Jack and Ezu continued to banter about who was to receive my hand in holy matrimony, the crowd from the earlier incident with Mary had gathered interestedly some distance from us, watching the episode with wide, interested eyes.

I was uncomfortably aware of our current state: Ezu, half naked and seemingly uncaring about that minor detail; me, wrapped up in said Ezu's embrace, peering cautiously out from above his arms; and Jack, with one of his own arms wrapped around my waist, and the other trying to pry Ezu away.

It did not make for a pretty picture.

I considered mentioning the growing audience to the boys, and returned my attention back to them.

"Oh come one now, you can't just call her like that before I even get a chance to." Jack grinned inanely. "That's just not fair."

"It seems perfectly fair to me. First come first serve." Ezu countered, grinning back evilly.

"Aw, come on, don't pull that. Besides, whatever happened to Mary, huh?" Jack whined. Ezu froze. He still wore that crooked smile, but it seemed fixed into place, and the warmth behind it had died.

"What about her?" He said, his voice stony. Jack realized his mistake a moment too late.

"Oh... I uh, no, it wasn't..." He backtracked, looking slightly worried.

"Are you implying that I just forgot about her? That I just pick up a woman and throw her away when I'm done?" Ezu asked, his voice dropping to a low growl. A flicker of concern and hurt simultaneously crossed Jack's face, but just as quickly the were wiped away, to be replaced with an annoyed anger.

"Oh come on, are you PMSing or something? You're an ass, you know that? I can't even open my mouth without you leaping at my throat." Jack shot back angrily.

I was shoved brusquely out of the way, and the next thing I knew Jack and Ezu were squaring off, glaring at each other with enough vemon to fell a rhino.

"Look, you little shit, you have no right to talk about-- or even think about Mary that way. I love her, and you damn well know that."

"Oh yeah? Than what were you doing just now, huh? What were you going to say to Rikki when Mary came crying back you? 'Oh, sorry sweets, it was fun while it lasted but I gotta go now'? Why the hell would you play her like that?"

"What the hell do you know?! You only met the girl a few hours ago! Who made you in charge of her life?"

"Well, when the only other person she knows is throwing himself at anything with two legs, it seems like she needs someone to watch out for any scum who may come crawling her way!"

"Oh, I get it, you just wanted to get into her pants, didn't you? What a good excuse, 'Oh, I'll protect you, trust me! Why don't you come a little closer?'!"

It was hard to say who threw the first punch. The point is, before I knew what was happening, Jack and Ezu were rolling in the dirt and fists were flying. For a moment I was too dumbstruck to even process what was happening. I wasn't even sure what had triggered the fight. Sure, they had been arguing about me-- they hadn't done much else for the last three chapters to be honest-- but I sensed something deeper there, as if an old hurt was already festering and ready to explode. I was just the spark that lit the fuse.

And now they were at each other's throats-- literally. Now Ezu was on top of Jack, holding him tightly by the other boy's shirt collar. Now Jack grabbed Ezu by his hair and flung him off, only to leap back into the fray with a hoarse yell. Fists and feet were everywhere, but it wasn't until the first drops of blood began to fall that I was jerked out of my stupefied state and into action.