Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

Previously...

It was hard to say who threw the first punch. The point is, before I knew what was happening, Jack and Ezu were rolling in the dirt and fists were flying. For a moment I was too dumbstruck to even process what was happening. I wasn't even sure what had triggered the fight. Sure, they had been arguing about me-- they hadn't done much else for the last three chapters to be honest-- but I sensed something deeper there, as if an old hurt was already festering and ready to explode. I was just the spark that lit the fuse.

And now they were at each other's throats-- literally. Now Ezu was on top of Jack, holding him tightly by the other boy's shirt collar. Now Jack grabbed Ezu by his hair and flung him off, only to leap back into the fray with a hoarse yell. Fists and feet were everywhere, but it wasn't until the first drops of blood began to fall that I was jerked out of my stupefied state and into action.
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"Hey!" I shouted, though I didn't honestly expect them to even hear me, let alone listen. By now the crowd that had only just begun to disperse after Ezu and Mary's fight had regrouped, and surrounded the struggling boys in a tight circle. Some had even begun to shout the age old chant, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

"Out of my way!" I snapped, and I shoved past the onlookers, indifferent to their ringing complaints as I forced my way through the throng. When I finally stumbled to the center of the circle, Jack and Ezu were still going at it, teeth bared and claws unsheathed. And I only mean that half metaphorically.

Ezu and Jack were so entangled with one another, it was impossible to tell where one boy ended and the other began. Muffled cries of pain and anger penetrated the thick haze of dirt that had been kicked up in the scuffle, and I coughed unattractively as I choked on the dusty air. And by "coughed unattractively", I mean "hacked up a lung".

Unfortunately, my imminent death-by-suffocation went unnoticed by Thing 1 and Thing 2.

Honestly, I didn't think a wild stampede of raging rhinoceroses could have dragged the boys form their fight. They were way too into it; unsavory names and choice words flew just as hard and fast as the fists.

"God dammit! Hold still!"

A fist crashed into Jack's cheek, his head whipping backwards.

"If you think you can take me, you've got another thing coming, you son of a bi-"

An elbow collided with the side of Ezu's head with a sharp crack!

"Goat sucker!"

A foot in the gut and a fist on the nose sent Jack reeling, but in a fraction of a moment he had throw himself back at Ezu with even more determination than before.

"Mother fu-"

"Worthless trash-"

"You hit like a woman!"

"Arg, you BIT me!"

Frankly, I was amazed they could keep up such a repartee whist bashing each other's faces in; but now was not the time to ponder over the strange ways of the male sex.

"Jack! Ezu! Get off each other! Now! Stop it!" I shouted, desperately trying to dash in close and break the two apart.

Needless to say, the didn't listen. Hell, I don't think they even remembered I-- or anyone else for that matter-- was still there. I gave a half hearted shriek of rage, gripping at my hair. If something wasn't done soon, someone was going to get seriously hurt; and by God, I wasn't going to just stand around like some dumbstruck princess in a fairy tale, calling for help and wringing her hands!

I spun on my heel and rushed at the crowd that had gathered around the brawl. A few of the onlookers backed away from me in alarm, but most had their attentions completely engrossed in the fight. I elbowed my way past a few people until i spotted who I was looking for. The girl with the sheep and the crook was standing on her tip toes, trying to get a better look at the fray.

Before she noticed my presence, I grabbed her crook and wretched it from her grasp. She gave a gasp of surprise and almost over balanced, whirling around to see who her assaulter was.

"Can I borrow this for a sec? Thanks." I said before she could protest. I ran back towards Jack and Ezu, ignoring the sounds of her confused protests. And then it was back into the fray, stumbling into the center of the human circle and narrowly avoiding a rock the size of my fist as it whizzed past my head. I couldn't tell whether it was Jack or Ezu who threw the offending rock, but it didn't currently matter, seeing as Jack had Ezu in a head lock and Ezu was in the process of dislocating Jack's left leg. With a hop, skip, and a jump-- alright, and maybe an ungraceful stumble thrown into the mix-- I was nearly on top of the boys.

I wasted no time in letting my sentiments about their immature fight be felt; both Jack and Ezu each received a sharp and prompt crack! over the head with the crook, accompanied by an unlady like oath courtesy of moi. The boys each uttered an oath of their own and fell apart, clutching at their tender heads.

"What the hell?!"

"You crazy witch!"

"Don't give me that!" I snapped back, looming over Jack and Ezu, who were still crouched in the dirt. "It's exactly what the both of you deserve! I ought to hit you again for the way you're behaving!" I growled, waggling the crook at them threateningly. Both boys cringed away from me and the stick, wincing.

"Now stand up, and let me have a look at you two!" I demanded. Jack and Ezu shot each other a quick look, but did as I told. They rose to their feet stiffly, with minimal staggering and shuffled over to where I stood, hands on hips, crook still poised as if ready to strike.

I won't deny it, it felt good to have such power over both Jack and Ezu when armed with only a stick. Even Ezu, who was the the shorter of the two, was a full head taller than me, and a good deal bulkier obviously, and yet I had cowed the both of them by simply beating them with a heavy stick.

...Wait, that didn't come out right...

But the point was, it felt good to be in control for once in this piteous mockery of an adventure.

And I certainly let the two boys know I was the one in control know as they stood almost sheepishly before me, each with one eye still trained on the crook in my arms.

"You two," I began, using the same tone my mother used with me when I misbehaved, "Are the two most immature, useless, hot headed, emotional boys I have ever met! I thought we were one a mission here! Didn't you two just finish with the whole 'kiss and make up' routine? And then, because of one little harmless comment, the next thing I know you're at each others throats! If you guys are going to act like this the whole time, then I really will ditch you and go off into the forest on my own, trolls or no trolls! Hell, being in the same zip code with the two of you is more dangerous that antagonizing a rabid bear! And now look at you! You, Ezu, half naked in the middle of the town square of where ever it is we are, and you Jack, practically green with jealousy and oozing self righteousness, and me having to play the role of mother while you two hang your heads in shame! And right in front of the entire freaking town too! I hope you're both happy!" I finished my little monologue with a huff and threw the crook on the ground for good measure.

I hadn't been exaggerating either, Ezu and Jack looked positively pitiful, liked scorned children while I fumed at them, and what indeed appeared to be the entire town surrounded us. The were completely silent now, staring at our odd little group with astonishment.

But did I care?

...Well, maybe a little. But you know what? Screw what little dignity I had, someone needed to slap some sense into them!

"Now." I said, glaring as fiercely as I could at Jack and Ezu in turn. "Let's see what damage was done, you stupid boys." I growled. I motioned with an imperious wave of the crook for Ezu to step forward. He hesitated, but when raised my arm as if to whack him over the head he shuffled forwards quickly, glaring daggers at nothing in particular.

The damage didn't look too bad, and it probably hurt worse than it looked. A split lip was leaving sticky trail of blood down his chin that was slowly making its way towards his chest, and it looked as if he may also be getting a black eye, but other than that his face was unmarred. As for the rest of him, I could already see multiple bruises forming on his chest and arms, roughly the sizes of a fist. I winced, just looking at Ezu made me ache. Fortunately though I didn't see a knife sticking out of his back or anything, so I turned my attention to Jack without saying a word.

Jack was pinching his nose, trying to stem the blood flow, and was spitting out wads of blood onto the ground. And oddly enough, four long, angry red scratch marks stood out sharply one Jack's rather pale cheek, but for the most part he looked like he would survive.

"You... scratched him?" I asked slowly, glancing at Ezu. He just glared back at me without answering.

"Like a girl." Jack muttered under his breath, just loudly enough for Ezu to hear.

Ezu's hand balled into a very un-girly like fist, and Jack probably would have gotten to meet Ezu's knuckles, face to fist, if I hadn't smacked Ezu's hand with the crook before he could let fly the punch.

Ezu let out a howl of pain and leaped back from me, clutching his hand to his chest.

"Good God, woman! I think you broke it, you vicious..."

"I didn't break it, you're just being dramatic!" I snapped back at Ezu. "Now look, the both of you! You two are going to get along, or neither or you get to come along! I have enough on my plate without having to play referee for the two of you, so I suggest you learn to at least tolerate each other! I don't care what your guys's problem is with each other, but I have a princess to save, and I'm going to do it with or without you! So make up your minds now!" I glared at the two of them and waited.

For a full minute, Jack and Ezu met each other stare for stare, as if trying to make the other back down with will power alone. But when neither of them cowed, Ezu grunted angrily and Jack heaved a heavy sigh.

"It wouldn't be honorable for me to back out now, Rikki, even if I have to suffer his company." Ezu grunted.

"And leaving you alone with... that would be just about the lowest thing I could do, so I guess I'm coming along too." Jack huffed.

Well. I was almost shocked. I had almost expected Ezu to want to stay and patch things up with Mary, and I hadn't even thought Jack would want to come along for the ride. Hell, did he even know what was going on?

"Speaking of which," Jack added, as if he had read my mind, "What did you mean about rescuing a princess?"

"Oh... That..." I said, suddenly faltering. All the fight had seemed to have gone out of me with the boy's sudden acceptance of their fate, and I was quite at a loss at what to do now.

Fortunately, I was saved from having to explain my early meeting with the infamous Rumpelstiltskin in the center of town square by my sudden realization that I was... well, in the center of town square.

I spun on my heel and stared wide eyed at the crowd surrounding us. I had quite forgotten that they were there, and I felt almost offended that they still all stood there, staring back at me with their mouths gaping like dumb fish.

"What are you all staring at? Get lost!" I huffed, waving the crook at the crowd. The people jumped at my harsh tone and averted their collective gaze. They suddenly remembered they had somewhere to be at the moment and they shuffled away with surprising speed, soon leaving the town square completely deserted save for me, Jack, and Ezu. I raised an eyebrow, staring at the place where a good four dozen people had just stood, wondering if I was honestly that scary.

"Ahem," A small voice coughed behind me.

"What?" I shot, spin around abruptly, hackles raised.

And then a deflated slightly as the small girl whose crook I had... borrowed gave a frightened squeak and shark back from me.

"Oh... sorry..." I stammered guiltily. "What?"

"Um... can I have my crook back... please... ma'am?" The girl said in a very small voice.

"Oh... yeah, here." I said quickly, shoving the stick at her and feeling a blush creep up my face. Maybe I shouldn't have been so... forceful with the way I went about things. But hey, Jack and Ezu probably would have ripped each other to shreds if I hadn't stepped in.

The girl took the crook quickly and scurried away as if the hounds of hells were at her feet. I watched her go, feeling more than a little guilty, but I was torn from my personal moment by someone coughing behind me.

I turned, and saw Ezu staring at me pointedly.

"What do you want?" I barked harshly at him. Okay, so maybe I wasn't feeling that guilty.

"I'm cold." Ezu said without expression. I made a pointed show of refusing to let me eyes trail down his half naked body.

"So?" I snapped.

"So, do I have her Royal Highnesses permission to go put some clothes on?" He shot back. Now that was more like Ezu. The moment I get my weapon taken away, he's back to being Mr. Sarcastic-Know-It-All.

"Didn't I say something about me refusing to act like you mother?" I demanded, crossing my arms over my chest. Ezu only shrugged.

"In that case, I'm going to go make myself decent. Not like it matters, half the town has already seen me in my knickers." He said, glaring at me as if it was somehow my fault he didn't bother to put on a pair of pants before chasing after his beloved.

Ezu marched past me in the direction of the Inn with as much dignity as he could muster-- which wasn't much-- but I wasn't about to let him go yet.

"Oh no you don't," I said, grabbing his arm as he passed me. "We still have important things to discuss." I said when Ezu shot me a looked over his shoulder with one eyebrow raised. "You too." I directed at Jack, who still lurked behind us as if he was hoping he could slink away before I turned my gaze on him as well.

"Things to discuss? Like what?" Ezu asked incredulously.

"Some very important facts I've been meaning to clear up for some time." I answered firmly.
One of them being where my own clothes were, come to think of it...