Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

CHAPTER 29

Previously...

"Won't work. For one, there are three of us. Some one would notice if suddenly there were three new servants wandering around the castle. And we would have to get the disguises in the first place, which would mean taking someone else's. A mugging would probably just get us caught. And supposing even if we HAD pulled that off and nobody cared three strange servants nobody knows are hanging around the castle, once we were in we'd still have to find the tower. Castles are full of corridors and secret passageways and hundreds of hallways, and we'd be more likely to stumble into the King's bed chambers than find the tallest tower. There has to be another way." We lapsed into silence again. I glanced at Jack, who was staring at the tower itself, as if thinking very hard.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Are either of you good at climbing?" He asked slowly.
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"C-climbing?" I stuttered, staring at Jack as is I had never seen anything like him before. "If you're implying what I think you're implying..."

"No..." Ezu said slowly, turning to star at the tower as well. "No, I think you've got something, Jack." He paused. "For once." He added as an after thought. I looked from one to the other incredulously, unable to believe what I was hearing.

"You can not be serious. You CAN NOT be serious! Do you see that tower? That tower is... really high! If we fell from that tower, we would die. And death is a little too permanent for my tastes." I refused flat out, shaking my head vigorously.

"Oh come on, where's your sense of adventure?" Ezu grinned. "And besides, wolves couldn't kill you, and neither could giants, exhaustion, a blood thirsty vine, or a band of highway men. I'm beginning to think you're death-proof." He shouldered his bag, then added thoughtfully, "And besides, I'll be there." I scoffed, and put my hands on my hips defiantly.

"And that's supposed to make me feel better? What, are you gravity proof or something?"

"Maybe. Now get moving, we need to scout out the area before it gets dark. And I need a drink." Ezu pushed past us and disappeared into the crowd. Before following him, I grabbed Jack by the arm and glared hard at him.

"This was your idea. If anything happens-- if one of us gets so much as a hangnail while scaling that tower, I'm holding you personally responsible." I warned. But Jack just laughed at me-- a habit I was beginning to really dislike.

"Nothing will happen. Why are you so worried?" He shook me off and followed Ezu, leaving me standing dumbfounded with my wide mouth open.

"Why AREN'T you worried?" I called after his retreating back. "This isn't normal! I mean, I'm sure it'll be great practice for YOU, but what about those of us who can't even climb a tree without getting stuck!" But it was no use, he was out of earshot, and people were beginning to stare at me. I glanced at Jinx, who had landed on my shoulder.

"Come on, YOU have to see the insanity in this!" I begged. But Jinx took off with a whir and flitted after the boys, leaving me alone. Glowering, I ignored them and followed the path Jack and Ezu cut through the crowd, wondering if they were suicidal or just simply crazy.

I hadn't quite decided- in fact, I had even added "out to get me" to my list- when we suddenly stopped in front of a noisy, brightly lit building. The crooked sign hanging from the roof informed us politely this was the Ass's Tavern, complete with the badly painted braying head of a donkey.

"Why are we here?" I asked suspiciously.

"I told you, I need a drink." Ezu answered plainly, pushing the door to the tavern open.

"I don't think I want you drunk while we attempt to climb a two hundred foot tower in the dead of night." I pointed out.

"I won't get drunk," Ezu laughed as he stepped inside, Jinx following him with a happy buzz.

"Come on Rikki, if you're hungry you can probably get something to eat here too." Jack added, holding the door open for me.

"Suck up." I shot at him as I shuffled after Ezu.

I didn't mean to be so bitter. It was just that, after spending every waking moment with Ezu for this long now, I had a pretty good grasp of his personality. And I suspected that despite his assurances, he was, in fact, going to get wasted.

But it looked like Ezu had already made up his mind- in fact, I could already see his blonde head bobbing for attention up at the bar, Jinx a glint of gold flitting around him- so it didn't look like there was any choice in the matter. So I decided to take Jack's ill received advice and take this opportunity to get some food into my sadly neglected stomach.

That is, if I could figure out where to get food in the first place. The tavern was dark and thick with smoke from pipes, and, despite it still being daylight outside, rather crowded. Most of the people I saw were men, and almost all of them were young as well; ranging from their late teen to mid twenties by the looks of it. To my mild surprise, I also noticed that a lot of them were were decked out in the same uniforms the soldiers we had passed earlier had been wearing. Which, obviously, meant that these young men were part of the Royal Army here. I vaguely wondered what what looked like most of the King's army was doing loitering around a tavern- but then I figured this was the heart of the Kingdom after all. The castle itself was only a hop, skip, and a jump away.

And besides, isn't there some saying about girls loving guys in uniforms? It wouldn't hurt to put it to the test.

Except, unfortunately, judging from what I could see, every single one of them was loud, rowdy, and drunk.

At 5 'o clock in the afternoon.

I was jostled back and forth as soldiers careened past me, laughing, shouting, and spilling their beers onto the already sticky floor. I tried to scoot out of their stumbling paths in hopes I could edge my way to one of the empty tables I had spied in the back of the room, but almost immediately found myself shunted to the side, against a wall, in a desperate attempt to avoid being trampled.

I was gathering my nerve to delve into the crowd again when suddenly Jack emerged from the mass of people.

"There you are. I thought you'd buggered off- or been crushed underfoot by this lot. Why are you hiding in a corner?" He asked curiously. I glared up at him through the smoke.

"I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm about half the size of these guys. I'll be crushed like a bug!" I pointed out. Jack laughed and grabbed my hand.

"In that case, I suppose I'll have to rescue you. Come on."

"I don't need to be rescued! I just need the assistance of a tall person."

"Well, I've got that going for me too. Follow me." He dragged me away from the wall into the rowdy crowd. Being taller than pretty much everyone assembled, Jack cut an easy path through the crowd. The next thing I knew, I was sliding into the hard backed chair in the back of the room, throwing my bag tiredly onto the knotted, rutted wooden table in front of me.

"Thanks." I said, glad to have a little bit of peace again.

"Suck up." Jack grinned wickedly, sitting down in the chair across from me. I flushed.

"Uh... sorry?" I tried. Jack shrugged, still grinning.

"I don't really care. You're kind of right, anyways."

"Am I?" I asked, only half paying attention. Someone had thrown their glass against the wall.

"What is going on here?" Jack said suddenly, changing the subject. He frowned at the unedifying spectacle before us. "I won't pretend to be an experienced city boy, but I'm pretty sure people don't just decided to get drunk en mass before sundown. Especially soldiers."

"It's a holiday, it is." Came a sweet voice from behind us. Jack and I turned to see a bar maid approaching our table, looking exhausted.

"Holiday?" I repeated. "What holiday is it?" The waitress shrugged.

"Somebody was conquered or something. I don't rightly know, I've been too busy what with this lot to pay any mind to holidays." She explained.

"What? Have they been here all day?" Jack asked incredulously.

"Aye, and I don't reckon they'll be leaving soon." She shook her head sadly.

"Well, at least you'll be making a fortune off of them." I pointed out. At the rate the soldiers were downing their drinks, I would be surprised if the Tavern didn't make enough money to buy the entire kingdom. But then the bar maid gave a short, harsh bark of laughter.

"Yeah, right. I'm almost out of ale, and I haven't made a single copper. These men don't have to pay, they are the King's Guard after all." He tone was sharp and sarcastic, but her voice was lowered, so no one but Jack and I could hear her.

"Oh," I said, crest fallen. "I'm sorry about that. But if it's any consolation, we have money, and we're hungry." I offered, not entirely sure how I was going to help, but still felt I needed to do something.

"We do?" Jack asked, looking at me.

"What, you don't have any money with you?" I said, surprised. Jack snorted.

"No. I thought I mentioned something earlier about my complete lack of money. My only hope is inheriting my Aunt and Uncle's Inn, remember?"

I bit my lip, thinking. Ezu had money, I knew that much. But he was currently somewhere up at the bar, and even if I could fight my way there, I'd still have to deal with his mood.

"I think I have some," I said, rifling through the pocket's of Ezu's pants (which I was wearing, remember?). I thought I had had a few dollars in change when I had first arrived in this upside down world- had I remembered to transfer them from my jeans to my new pants?

After a moment of worried searching, trying not to quail under the bar maids disapproving glare, my fingers closed around the cool metal of several coins. I pulled them out and placed them on the table. A few quarters, a couple of dimes, two nickels, and a penny. I grabbed one of the quarters and tried to remember if is was made of 90% copper and 10% nickel, or the other way around.

"Here, how's this? How much can that buy?" I asked, holding it up. The bar maid snatched it and held it up to the light.

"This is a strange looking coin." She remarked suspiciously. "What's it made of?"

"Um, mostly copper I think. Is nickel valuable? It has nickel in it too." I fidgeted in my seat under the stony stare of the bar maid. She weighed the coin in her hand, and inspected it roughly.

"That'll do. Do you have another one?" She asked, pocketing the coin.

"Yeah," I said, grabbing another quarter and handing it to her. She took it gratefully.

"Alright then, I'll be back with food and drink." She said, and she turned around and disappeared into the drunken crowd. I watched her go, then turned my attention back to Jack. He was inspecting my meager collection of coins as well.

"She's right, these are strange looking coins. Where did you get them?" He asked, peering at the face of Abraham Lincoln on one of the pennies.

"Uh... you know. From around." I avoided answering straight out, none to subtly.

"They're so perfect." Jack remarked, rolling the penny in his palm. "How did they get so perfectly round?"

"I've no idea." I snapped, scooping up the coins and dropping them back into my pocket. I didn't want to explain to Jack about my whole "Oh yeah by the way I am actually from another dimension, and this book here is the magical portal that sucked me up and dropped me here" thing. For one, it sounded insane, no matter how I put it. And also, a little, rational part of me new that because of that, I couldn't stay here. Not forever.

Jack seemed to notice my sudden change of expression. He coughed lightly and rose to his feet.

"I'll go check on the bar maid. Don't want her apprehended by this ravenous hoard before she makes it back to our table, right?" He half joked, awkwardly.

"Yeah, that sounds good." I muttered, grateful Jack seemed to understand I needed a moment. He pushed his way through the throng and was soon out of sight. I sighed and rested my chin in my hands, wishing there was some way

But suddenly, my train of thought was interrupted by a young man throwing himself into the chair that Jack had just vacated.

"Well what do we have here?" He slurred, grinning at me and resting his elbows clumsily on the table. "What's a pretty little thing like you doing here?" I frowned, and scooted my chair away from him. His breath reeked of alcohol.

"None of your business." I said coldly. I didn't need any drunken guys trying to hit on me right now.

"Oh come on girly, don't be like that. You look lonely here all by your pretty little self," He leered drunkenly. My frown deepened and I took a deep breath.

"Don't worry, I'm fine," I snapped. "I'm here with my friends. My guy friends." I said shortly. I hoped that the soldier would be discouraged and leave when I mentioned I was accompanied by other males, but no such luck.

"What, the stiff I saw sitting with you a minute ago? Come on girly, I can show you a better time than that guy," He hiccuped, placing his rather sticky hand on mine. I pulled my hand away in disgust, and rose to my feet.

"So what, were you standing in a corner spying on me until he left and you could make a move? That's pathetic." I stormed, loosing my temper against my better judgment. The soldier flushed deeply and glared at me, rising to his feet as well.

"I suggest you don't talk that way to me, little lady," He threatened, towering over me. "I'm one of the King's Guard, so I suggest you change you attitude before I loose my temper." His hand went to the sheathed sword that hung from his belt. I glanced around, trying to find something, anything that I could use against the soldier, if it came to that.

"Look, I don't want any trouble. I'm just not interested. I have somewhere to be soon, I don't have much time," I tired, changing tact. But the soldier didn't seem to care. I had refused him, and he wasn't going to let that go lightly.

"I think what you meant to say was, 'Yes sir, I'll do whatever you want sir,'" The soldier mimicked my voice in a high pitched drawl, narrowing his eyes at me dangerously. He took a stumbling step forward, and I gripped the edge of the table, ready to knock it into him if I had to.

But before either of us could make a move, a nonchalant looking Ezu appeared beside the Soldier, a huge mug of ale in his hand and Jinx sitting contentedly on his shoulder.

"What's going on here?" He asked carelessly, sipping his drink. I gaped at him.

The soldier and I were standing across from each other in defensive positions, separated by the table-- his hand was clutching the hilt of his sword, mine were gripping the edge of the table, poised to throw. It was damn obvious what was going on here.

"Who are you?" The soldier snarled, turning to face Ezu. Taking his sweet time, Ezu set his mug down on the table and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He waved Jinx away, who came to alight on my own shoulder, buzzing warningly.

"I," Ezu began calmly, crossing his arms over his chest, "Am a very close personal friend of this lovely lady. And I don't think I appreciate the way you're looking at her."

My mouth was hanging open so wide a bird could have built a nest in it. What did Ezu think he was doing?

"Your close, personal friend, eh?" The soldier laughed harshly, only slurring a little. "That's funny. Because I just watched her get mighty cuddly with that tall fellow that was sitting with her a while ago." He jabbed his thumb more or less in my direction and grinned triumphantly at Ezu. But to the soldiers evident surprise, Ezu just shrugged.

"She's lucky she's pretty," Was all he said, and then without warning he swung his fist and cracked the soldier right on the jaw, sending him sprawling backwards into the wall.

"Ezu!" I shrieked. I made to move towards him, but he held up a hand, stopping me.

"Stay there." He ordered, with an amused expression, "I'll handle this."

"What the hell do you think..." I muttered under my breath, but it was too late. Ezu marched up to the soldier, who was slumped on the floor, looking confused and rubbing his jaw. Ezu grabbed the young man by his shirt collar and heaved him to his feet, pinning him against the wall.

"What's up with this get up?" He asked, glancing distastefully over the soldier's beer stained uniform. "Playing soldier, are we?"

"Oi, get offa me!" The soldier snarled, struggling in Ezu's grasp.

"That depends. Are you going to apologize to my lady friend?" He asked in mock politeness.

"I ain't apologizing to no whore." The soldier spat.

"Shut up!" Ezu suddenly roared, socking the soldier in the side of the face, sending him plummeting to the floor again. "Don't you ever call her a whore." Ezu hissed, kicking at the soldier's hand as it reached for his sword. The soldier barred his teeth and struggled unsteadily to his feet, wiping away the blood that covered his face, from his likely broken nose.

"I'll call her whatever I damn well want to call her. And I'm calling her a no good, dirty-"

But he never finished. Ezu launched himself at the soldier, sending them both crashing to the ground, knocking surprised people out of the way.

"Somebody stop them!" I shrieked at the dumbfounded crowd, rushing forwards myself. Fists were flying and there was blood everywhere, but I couldn't tell whose it was.

"Ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod... Jack! Jack, where-" I shouted, whirling around, trying to find Jack. But he was already here, rushing past me and throwing himself into the fray. Another man had done the same, and a few seconds later they had pulled Ezu and the soldier apart, dragging them away from each other, still struggling.

Jack heaved Ezu into a chair and held him down, until the stream of profanities pouring from his mouth slowly ebbed into stony silence.

I finally managed to pry my hands away from my face and glanced at Ezu- and wished I hadn't.
He was slumped rigidly in the chair, breathing heavily and glaring daggers at everyone in his range of vision. He was covered in blood, but I couldn't tell if it was his or not. His lip was split, and a bruise was already forming under his eye.

"You... you stupid asshole!" I cried, and I threw my arms around his neck.

"Ow! God Rikki, leggo!" He muttered, squirming in my grasp.

"Hell no. Lord only knows what you'll do if I do!" I refused, but I did slacken my grip a tiny bit.

"What the hell happened?" Jack panted, brushing his hair out of his eyes. I noticed he had a cut on his forehead, which dripped blood into his eye.

"That son of a bitch-" Ezu began, the fight coming back into him.

"That soldier guy was hitting on me, and then got aggressive." I interrupted Ezu, pushing him back down into the chair. "Ezu showed up, and, well," It was obvious what had happened from there. Jack shook his head and wiped the blood from his eye.

"Why does something like this happen every time we go somewhere?" He sighed. I thought of the Book.

"Makes for a better story." I hissed sourly under my breath. Jinx tentatively buzzed over and landed on the table, crawling onto Ezu's hand- which I noticed in shock was bruised form the force of his punches.

"Hey buddy." Ezu said. He pulled me onto his lap, out of the way, and lifting Jinx to his face. The little insect whirred and clicked in a very serious tone, and Ezu listened intently.

"You're right. Come on, guys." He abruptly rose to his feet and shook me off of him, grabbing my bag and tossing it to me.

"What? What do you think you're doing?" I demanded, dropping my bag back on the table and forcing Ezu back into the chair. Ezu frowned and pulled my hands off his shoulders. He stood up, still holding by my wrists.

"We have to leave, Rikki. It's getting late, and we are attracting way too much attention. And, in case you haven't noticed, I just attacked one of the king's soldiers. Once things calm down in here a little, we're all going to be in trouble." He pointed out. I glanced over his shoulder, and saw the huge group of people surrounding the injured soldier. They weren't paying any attention to us... yet.

"But.." I began, my eyes drawn again to Ezu's bloody split lip.

"He's right, Rikki. If we want to rescue that princess, we have to get out of here." Jack added softly.

"And besides, I've had worse. I'll be fine, see?" Ezu said, wiping the blood from his chin and dropping my hands so he could stand back and spread his arms out wide.

"See? I'm fine. They're just scratches. I barely let him get a single hit on me." I bit my lip, but was forced to give in.

"Fine. Butt he first chance we get, you're having someone look at your lip." I conceded.

This was going to be a long day.