Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

Previously...

"You're fine, Rikki. Better than fine, in fact," Ezu interrupted me. He took a sudden step towards me, closing the already small gap between us. He ran a hand gently through my hair, pulling out a stray twig from the knot of tangled curls. "Sure, you're a little... messy, but I've never seen you more... you. You're practically glowing."

I flushed, and refused to meet his gaze. "I have to go back, you know," I muttered, half hoping my words were too quiet for Ezu to hear. He caught them, however. What did I expect?

"Back where?"

"Back home. After all this is over."

Ezu was silent for a while. "Then that's all the more reason to seize the moment now," he finally said, holding his hand out to me.

I sighed. "That's terrible logic," I replied, frowning as I took his hand in mine. He grinned at me. I grinned back. We danced for the rest of the night, and I was just as terrible as Ezu predicted.

*********************************************************************************

I sobbed like a baby when we said goodbye to Alfred at the kingdom limits. He patted me gently on the back while my tears soaked into his furry chest.

"Come on Rikki," Ezu growled impatiently, rolling his eyes. "It's not like you're never going to see him again."

"Y-you don't know that!" I wailed tearfully.

"Don't fear, Miss Rikki. I'm sure we shall meet again soon enough," Alfred assured me. I sniffed, and released him from my stranglehold, wiping my nose with my sleeve. It was a new shirt, courtesy of Prince Charming and his new bride, Cinderella. We'd been invited to stay at the castle as Royal Guests for however long we wanted, though since we still had three more princesses to rescue, we only took them up on their offer long enough to wash up, get a few new supplies, and get a good night's rest. We'd all been decked out in spiffy new duds, and I had to say it was nice to be wearing a pair of pants that actually fit, since up until now I'd been outfitted in an old pair of Ezu's. We were all fresh and eager, ready to throw ourselves back into the midst of this whole "saving the world" thing--that is, until it came time for me to say goodbye to Alfred. Out of all of the strange assortment of people I'd met so far on this wild adventure, Alfred was my favorite, and despite Ezu's claim, I couldn't help but worry that this might indeed be the last time I saw him. But I knew I couldn't put off the inevitable for long. I eventually pulled myself together, and detached from Alfred's slightly damp fur.

"Bye, Alfred," I sniffed. "I'll miss you."

The wolf smiled at me. "I'll miss you as well, Miss Rikki. And I promise, I'll keep my ears open, and if I ever hear of a trio of young folks kidnapping princes, assaulting fairies, or fighting witches in graveyards, I'll show up to say hello."

I couldn't help but laugh a little at that.n "On second thought, it might be better if you pretended you didn't know us. I can't imagine our growing list of felonies is going to be getting any shorter."

I hugged the wolf one more time and stepped back. Jack gave Alfred a quick embrace as well, and promised to spread the word about the Bid Bad Wolf Anonymous Rehabilitation Clinic (or BBWARC for short) Prince Charming was funding to be built in the Kingdom. Even Ezu shook Alfred's paw briefly and mumbled something about being grateful for the help under his breath. With one last tearful look over my shoulder, we set off down the cobbled road that led out of the Next Kingdom Over, and onto our next quest. Alfred waved until we were out of sight, around the bend.

"Alright, now on to business," Ezu said, pulling his rucksack off and rummaging around in it. "Where's that map? Why didn't I organize this damn thing before we left?" he complained.

"Because you lack foresight and consequence awareness?" Jack suggested, pulling a rolled up piece of parchment out of his own bag. "I have it, here."

Ezu snatched it with a complimentary dirty look. "Who are we rescuing next?" he asked. "We've got the Miller's daughter and Cinderella, so that leaves... what was that prophecy? I can't keep all these princesses straight."

"We've still got Rapunzel, Snow White, and Sleeping Beauty left," I replied.

"Charming was oh-so-kind enough to mark their last known where-abouts on the map," Ezu said, peering intently down at the three red x's the Prince had marked for us.

"Let me see," I demanded, pulling the map from his hands, ignoring his protests. The map wasn't anything like a modern day map I was used to. I couldn't say I was complaining though, because when it came to map reading, I was usually better off just eeny-meeny-miny-moing it. When I was little, I always used to steal my brother's Lord of the Rings illustrated guide from his room when he wasn't around to yell at me. Right in the front, it had this big pull-out map on shiny paper that laid out all of Middle Earth in minute detail, with little twisting rivers, and little black ink trees around meticulously drawn mountain ranges, all carefully labeled in slanted, impossible to read handwriting. The map Charming had given us to help us on our journey reminded me of that map--except suckier. Just by glancing at it, I could tell the proportions were off, and the little triangles that marked the dense forest surrounding... well, pretty much everything, were obviously hastily etched, rather than with loving care. Still, it was better than nothing.

My initial glance at the map told me one thing. One important, comforting, worrying thing. I saw the big red circle around a crudely drawn castle towards the lower left end of the parchment, with the words "You are here" scrawled next to it. Further behind that, I could see the castle where we had rescued the Miller's daughter from. Ahead, nearer the center of the map, was the next red X that marked the next princess. Beyond that, two more X's, all in a neat, convenient row. If I'd had a ruler, I could have drawn a perfect straight line between each princess. I was comforted, because that meant we weren't going to have to trek in circles halfway across the country side. It was a straight shot to each princess, which was vitally important since time was of the essence. Unfortunately, I also couldn't help but suspect more sinister intentions behind the perceived ease of our path.

First of all, I noticed the decided lack of a convenient road, or even vague path that crossed through each Princess. That meant that the days ahead would be filled with lots of wandering aimlessly around the forest, hoping not to get eaten by anything. And secondly, more worrying this, I had the nagging suspicion that the only reason the journey itself was so straight forward was because the events we were bound to encounter during it would be so difficult, we needed a handicap. That wasn't terribly reassuring.

"So," Ezu piped up, interrupting me from my dark musings. "Which princess is next?" I left my gaze fall on the next X in line. It was next to what I assumed was a cottage.

"Snow White," I replied, after a moment of struggling with the Prince's near illegible handwriting.

"'Kissed by roses, and blushed by snow, a Lady surrounded by seven knights'," Jack quoted.

"So what's her... er, story?" Ezu asked. I fished around in my memory for the original story of Snow White.

"Let's see... A queen wished for a child, a daughter who was white as snow, red as blood, and black as ebony wood. Within the year, her daughter was born, and has skin that was snow white, cheeks and lips as red as blood, and her hair was as black as ebony wood. She was named Snow White, but the Queen died soon after. The King took another wife, who was the most beautiful in all the land, but was prideful and arrogant. She had a magic mirror, and when she would ask it, 'Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?' it would tell her she was the most beautiful in all the land. But as Snow White grew older, she grew more and more beautiful. When she is seven years old, the wicked Queen asked the mirror who the fairest in the land was. The mirror replied that she was surely as fair as she always had been, but that Snow White had surpassed her in beauty. Envy and jealousy ate away at the Queen's heart until she snapped, and she ordered a huntsman to take the child out into the forest, kill her, and then bring back her lungs and liver as proof of the girl's demise. The huntsman kidnapped Snow White and took her to the middle of a forest, but the girl begged and pleaded for him to spare her. She was such an innocent, lovely creature that he was moved with pity for her and spared her life. He left her in the woods, figuring she would just end up being eaten by wild animals anyways, but was relived he didn't have to commit the deed himself. On his way back he killed a wild boar, and brought its lungs and liver to the evil Queen. The Queen had them boiled with salt and then ate them believing they were Snow White's."

"Wow," Jack interrupted me, eyebrows raised. "And I thought my mom was harsh."

"What happened next?" Ezu asked, enthralled. I shrugged.

"Well, technically, Snow White runs through the forest until she finds the Seven Dwarves' house. She lives with them, cooking and cleaning, for a while, until the Queen asks the mirror who the fairest is, and she discovers Snow White is still alive. She tries to trick Snow White by dressing up as peddler women and suffocating her with too tight bodices, and poisoning her with a hair comb, but the Dwarves always show up and save the girl at the last minute. But the Queen finally gets her with a poisoned apple. The dwarves put her in a glass coffin to preserve her beauty and she stays that way for years, never changing, until a prince comes and begs the dwarves to let him have her, so he can always look at her."

"Creepy," Jack interjected.

"Princes are creepy, what did you expect?" Ezu countered.

"Anyways," I forged on, "they eventually agree, and the Prince has his men carry the coffin down the mountain."

"And lazy. Princes are also lazy," Ezu added helpfully.

"Do you want to know the end of the story or not?"

"Okay, okay!"

"Anyways, one of the men trips on the way, and jolts the casket hard enough to dislodge the piece of poisoned apple caught in Snow White's throat. She coughs it up, and wakes up. The Prince is thrilled, and declares he's going to marry her."

"Isn't she seven?" Ezu asked, horrified.

"Well... no, she was asleep for years-" I said.

"Yeah, but you said she slept for years, unchanging," Jack pointed out.

"Well I assume she aged," I snapped back defensively.

"I dunno," Jack mused, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "You're just guessing."

"Why did we let you come along again?" I snarled.

"Just finish the story," Ezu said. I heaved a sigh, but continued.

"Well, right after Snow White 'died', the mirror confirmed that the Queen was indeed the fairest in the land. But since she needed constant approval to remain happy, when Snow White came back to life, she found out almost immediately. Panicked and unsure what to believe, when she hears about the big wedding this Prince guy was having to this beautiful girl, she goes to see, and lo and behold, it's Snow White. But she can't hide,
and a pair of red hot iron shoes are brought out, and she is forced to put them on and dance until she falls down dead. The end," I finished.

"Ouch," Jack winced.

"I guess we can assume that that didn't in fact happen, otherwise we wouldn't need to be rescuing a princess," Ezu said grimly.

"You're probably right. I guess it's time to check what went wrong." With only slight trepidation, I pulled off my bag, and withdrew the Book. It was rather more battered than usual from the escapade in the graveyard, but it was still in one piece, for now. I flipped to the place where Snow White's story had once been. It was surrounded by the empty pages that once held the rest of the fairy tales, but other than that, like Cinderella's, the first half of the story itself seemed normal enough.



"Baby born, white as snow and red as blood... yeah, yeah... jealous queen, 'mirror mirror on the wall'... blah blah blah... hunter, woods, lungs and liver... mirror mirror again, Snow’s alive... all the same old stuff... ah, here we go, this is different,” I exclaimed.

“Well, go on, read it,” Ezu urged, leaning in to hover expectantly over the Book. I drew back slightly, pulling the dilapidated volume close to my chest.

“I’m going, geeze, give me some breathing room. I can’t read with you hovering over my shoulder like that.” Ezu snorted, but took a tiny step back. It would have to do. “Okay, let’s see here...
The queen thought that she was again the most beautiful woman in the land, and the next morning she stepped before the mirror and asked:
‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?’
The mirror answered once again:
‘You, my queen, are fair; it is true.
But Little Snow-White beyond the seven mountains
Is a thousand times fairer than you.’
It startled the queen to hear this, and she knew that she had been deceived, that the huntsman had not killed Snow-White. Because only the seven dwarfs lived in the seven mountains, she knew at once that they must have rescued her. Fury at having been deceived seized her, and she had the huntsman brought before her to answer for his treachery.
‘Huntsman,’ said she, ‘I asked you to take Snow White into the forest and kill her, bringing me her lungs and liver as proof of the deed. Did you do so obediently and swiftly?’
‘Yes, my queen,’ the huntsman replied.
‘Then why does Snow White still live, hidden in the forest under the care of seven dwarfs?’
The huntsman knew he had been discovered, and he fell to his knees, pleading for the Queen to take pity on him, for the child had been to lovely and innocent to slay. The Queen was not forgiving, however, and she used her knowledge of dark and wicked magics to transform the wretched huntsman into a monstrous creature as hideous and corrupt as Snow White had been lovely and innocent, and she kept him chained helpless to her throne so that all might see what became of those who dared cross her.

“I‘m so tired of cranky old women with magic powers,” Ezu groaned.

“We’ve only fought one,” Jack pointed out.

“That’s three too many in my books,” Ezu retorted.

“And you were unconscious for most of the fight against the Step Mother,” I added.

“Because,” Ezu said, shooting me a glare, “I was thrown bodily into a headstone while trying to keep your sorry rear alive, and for that matter-”

“Anywhos, moving on,” I interrupted him neatly, “After that, it’s more of the same stuff, the Queen gives Snow the bodice, the Dwarfs rescue her. The Queen shows up with the comb, the Dwarfs rescue her.”

“Dwarves,” Jack said quietly.

“...What?”

“I believe the plural of ‘dwarf’ is ‘dwarves’.”

“That’s what I’m saying.”

“No, dwarves,”

“Dwarfs,”

“Dwarvvves,”

“Dwarves?”

“Yeah. I think you’re saying ‘dwarfs’, with an ‘f’.”

“...That’s what it is. Dwarfs, with an ‘f’.”

“No, it’s like ‘knives’. One knife, many knives.”

“No, it’s like... like cliffs. One cliff, many cliffs. Not ‘clives’.”

“That doesn’t sound right-”

“You don’t sound right-”

“Are you guys really dong this right now?” Ezu cut in abruptly, looking from Jack to me with an expression of utter disgust plastered on his face. I flushed, and looked sheepishly back down at the Book.

“You’re quite right. The fact that I’m correct about what to call a group of dwarfs-”

“A clan of dwarves,” Jack interjected quickly.

“Oh shut up!” Ezu shouted. “Or so help me, I’ll skin the both of you alive and turn you into boots!”

“Well that just seems needlessly violent,” I sniffed. Ezu growled--actually growled--at me. I retracted my comment, and returned to the more pressing task at hand; that is, saving the world.

“Moving on, it’s all the same stuff, until we get to the bit about the apple. Let’s see...
The queen stepped before her mirror:
‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?’
The mirror answered:
‘You, my queen, are fair; it is true.
But Little Snow-White with the seven dwarfs
Is a thousand times fairer than you.’
When the queen heard this, she shook and trembled with anger, ‘Snow-White will die, if it costs me my life!’ Then she went into her most secret room -- no one else was allowed inside -- and she made a poisoned apple. From the outside it was red and beautiful, and anyone who saw it would want it. Then she disguised herself as a peasant woman, went to the dwarfs' house and knocked on the door.
Snow-White peeped out and said, ‘I'm not allowed to let anyone in. The dwarfs have forbidden it most severely.’
‘If you don't want to, I can't force you,’ said the peasant woman. ‘I am selling these apples, and I will give you one to taste.’
‘No, I can't accept anything. The dwarfs don't want me to.’
‘If you are afraid, then I will cut the apple in two and eat half of it. Here, you eat the half with the beautiful red cheek!’ Now the apple had been so artfully made that only the red half was poisoned. When Snow-White saw that the peasant woman was eating part of the apple, her desire for it grew stronger, so she finally let the woman hand her the other half through the window. She bit into it, but she barely had the bite in her mouth when she fell to the ground dead.
The queen was pleased her plan had worked so well, but suspecting that the cunningness of the dwarfs might again awaken Snow-White, this time she gathered the dead child in her arms and hastened away from that place, bringing Snow-White back to her home. There she placed Snow-White in a special hidden room, to which only the queen possessed a key, and kept her locked inside of an unbreakable coffin made from black glass, so as to keep her hidden and unreachable.
Finally happy, the queen once again asked her mirror:
‘Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
Who in this land is fairest of all?’
And it answered:
‘You, my queen, are fairest of all.’
‘Now I'll have some peace,’ she said, ‘because once again I'm the most beautiful woman in the land. Snow-White will remain dead this time.’
The cruel Queen continued to rule her people in a shameful, neglectful manner, letting them starve so she could be treated to only the finest foods and drink; forcing them into poverty so she could gather their wealth to spend on the finest jewels and gowns; and disfiguring the faces of all the young girls in her kingdom, so that she might remain the most beautiful. With Snow-White trapped in her obsidian coffin, the queen’s power remains unbreakable. Unless, of course, Miss Collins and her noble Knights stop wasting valuable time and break the spell.”

A long moment of silence passed over us.

“Oh yeah?” I finally snapped, shouting at the Book. “Well there wouldn’t be any valuable time to waste if you hadn’t gotten me into this mess in the first place!” I slammed the tome shut, hiding the twisted words of Snow White, now titled The Obsidian Coffin, from the world.

“Rikki, relax, it’s just a book,” Jack said, trying to wrench it out of my vice-like grasp.

“That’s just what it wants you to think!” I snarled.

“Oh, hell,” Ezu sighed. “I hope those dwarfs are ready for this.”