Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

Previously...

The dwarves grumbled amongst each other for a few moments, and then the first dwarf, who appeared to be the leader, turned back to me and said, “You make a tempting argument. Aye, we’ll consider your terms.”

“Bribery and fear mongering,” Ezu whispered in my ear. “You should have been a politician.”

“Careful,” I hissed back, “All your flattery will go to my head.” I clapped my hands together, and addressed the dwarves again. “So it’s settled then!”

“What? Nothing is settled yet; we said we’d consider-”

“Of course it’s settled! There’s nothing to consider! Now come along, there is a lot to plan.” I moved forwards, wrapping my arm around the dwarve’s shoulder and leading him unwillingly away, back towards the cottage. “We still have a Prince to convince, and an infiltration to scheme. But first of all, what are all your names? You wouldn’t happen to be called ‘Doc’, would you?”

His name wasn’t Doc. They were called, in order from tallest to shortest: Klaus, Hagen, Heinrich, Kurt, Roland, Konrad, and Frank. They warmed up quickly to my plan once I made it clear they hadn’t little choice but cooperate, or fall victim to the Queen’s wrath. They did not, however, make it an easy job convincing them of the necessity of working in tandem with whatever Prince happened to be closest at hand. It turned out Dwarves weren’t much more fond of royalty than wolves or Ezu--or in fact, anyone who wasn’t an eligible young woman. But after a lot more arguing and a little more bribery, a rough plan of attack was drawn up, and the ten of us headed out to catch ourselves another Prince.

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Having more than fifteen seconds to prepare, and seven extra hands, made planning our Prince Trap a breeze.

The dwarves led us to the highest accessible peak of the nearby cliffside, where they said that, if they had still had Snow’s body, they would have laid her to rest; and it was there that we laid everything out.

Before we left the dwarve’s cottage, I had talked the dwarves into collecting every single valuable they owned, including the good silverware, and sticking it in a burlap sack to be, hopefully temporarily, “donated” to the cause.

“Treasure lures in princes and poor-but-noble orphans like flies to honey,” I explained. “We just stick this somewhere conspicuous with a big old ‘do not touch’ sign on it, and we’ll have to be beating people off with sticks. Hopefully this, combined with a few other ideas I have, will spur destiny into getting its rear into gear a little early.”

And so a clever ruse was set to work there in the clearing on the hillside. The bag of precious gems and cutlery was placed in a temptingly obvious position on a tree stump in near the center of the clearing. I knelt down beside it, while Jack, Ezu, and the dwarves hid themselves in the bushes nearby.

I waited patiently for the rustling and muffled curses to die down, cleared my throat, and then set into action.

“Oh, woe is me!” I cried melodramatically, shaking my fist at the sky. “Woe is me! A poor, lost, frightened girl of appropriately marriageable age; lost all alone in this great wood with only a bag of riches to keep me company! Oh, but I have been cured from my previous vain ways, I now know that the company of wealth is nothing compared to that of love! I would surely trade all I possess in gold and silver if only someone were to come rescue me from my sorry plight! Woe, woe unto me!”

I didn’t even manage to have time for a second breath before I could hear the rustling, a man’s voice, and the whinnying of a horse on the opposite edge of the clearing.

“Ye gods,” Klaus whispered to Ezu. “Is she a witch?”

“Something like that,” he hissed back, impressed despite himself.

I waited, holding my breath. Hopefully it wouldn’t be any bandits or anything, come to do, well, bandit-y things.

The bushes rustled. I held my breath. Ezu, Jack, and the Dwarves got ready to begin their elaborate pantomime involving a long lost brother, a questing knight, seven wise Sages, and a prophecy about an evil Witch and a beautiful Princess.

And then a lone man pushed through the trees and came into the clearing, leading his dappled horse behind him.

He wasn’t a prince.

If I had to guess, he looked like a knight--like a slightly lost, very dirty, off duty knight. He didn’t wear armor, but he had a chainmail shirt on underneath a tunic bearing what I assumed to be a royal coat of arms. A scabbarded sword hung about his waist, and he held onto his fine looking horse’s reigns with hands covered in heavy black leather gloves. His clothes were obviously of a good cut, but looked as if he had been wearing them for longer than any decent person should wear anything. He was no older than thirty, though years of weather had left his face tanned and wrinkled about the eyes, from squinting into the sun for too many days on end. He was handsome, in the way that scruffy, salt-of-the-earth, fairy tale knights are.

But he wasn’t a prince.

He blinked at me, surprised to see a disappointed girl kneeling in the dirt alone in a clearing on a mountain in the woods. I can’t imagine why, it wasn’t like this was an uncommon occurrence.

“Oh, hallo there,” he said. “Are you alright?”

I sighed. “No.”

“Is... erm, is there anything I can do to help?” he asked.

“Probably not,” I replied.

“Ah. Well.” He looked around rather awkwardly.

“What are you doing out here?” I asked.

“I seek my fortune,” he replied. I sighed again.

“I suppose you’re quite noble and deserving and courageous and all that.”

“That isn’t my place to say,” he said, looking a little uncomfortable. “I try to always remain honorable, and fight for my fellow man; I’ve always been loyal to my lord the King, and I’ve fought unwaveringly in battle for my country. But I’ve grown tired of the life of a warrior, and have set off in search of a life of peace and prosperity. All I wish for now is a family and a life of relative comfort, after having spent so many years in the service of knighthood.”

“And humble, too,” I said morosely. I reached into the sack of goods and dug around, until I pulled out a ruby the size of my fist and tossed it at the Knight, who caught it more out of reflex than anything. From behind me, I heard a muffled “Hey!”, and then some rustling, a solid thump, a squeak of pain, and then silence again. I ignored it. Fortunately, the KNight was too busy staring in shock at the jewel in his hands.

“What... why have you given this to me?” he gasped, unable to take his eyes off of it. I stood up, brushing the dirt and leaves off myself.

“Because you’ve probably earned it. And because maybe you can do me a favor. Consider that an investment,” I said.

“A favor?” the knight said, looking up, suddenly suspicious. “What kind of a favor? Are you a witch?”

“What? No, of course not,” I replied, grimacing. “No, I just need to find someone. A... a Prince. I don’t know his name, or what country he rules. But he comes hunting with his men up this way. Or... he will? Seven years from now? I don’t know. I don’t really care, I just need a Prince.”

“A Prince? The only prince I know of is the son of my King, in the Kingdom several leagues West of here,” the knight replied, pointing.

“Several leagues?” I repeated, crestfallen.

“The Kingdom, yes. But not the Prince,” the Knight went on.

“Not the Prince? Where is the prince then?”

“A little ways North of here. I have only just left his company. I saved his life in battle, and he considered my duty to the country to be fulfilled, and allowed me to go forth and seek my fortune.”

“A little ways North?” I perked up. “Well that’s excellent! And--wait, a battle?” I stopped mid-sentence. “What battle? Is there a war going on?”

“Oh yes,” the knight replied. “A war between our good King Rudolph, and that wicked woman, the Witch Queen, who rules the land to the East. She’s a terrible sorceress, and has been encroaching upon our territory for some times now. She grows bolder and bolder, sending her armies into our land and razing entire villages to the ground. The king who was once her husband was a good man, and we had a treaty with his Kingdom; so our people are not prepared for war and are falling to her cruelty like saplings in a storm. She puts inexperienced farmers and millers into battle armor to fight her war; but her own subjects are so broken and desperate, fighting them is like fighting starving wolves. She promises them food and land and power, and they fight with no regard for their own selves--only a vicious hunger for victory, even if it costs them their lives,” he finished sadly. “Many of them were once our friends and trading partners and even family, but those day are long since over.”

“Oh geeze,” I groaned. “We’re in way over our heads again.”

“We?” the prince repeated, his brow furrowing. “And why do you need a prince? Are you truly not a witch?”

“No, I’m not a witch!” I snapped, then I stopped and took a breath. It wasn’t fair to let my frustration get away from me. “No, but I am a... a hero, sort of. I’m on a quest, to rescue a princess. Snow White, as it happens.”

The knight couldn’t help but gasped. “Snow White? The daughter of the old King? But she went missing, soon after the Witch Queen took control. We all assumed the true princess was dead.”

“Not... quite,” I replied. “But close. Which is why we need a Prince.”

“I still... don’t quite follow your reasoning,” the Knight said.

“You know, royal blood and royal blood, and love at first sight, and magic and stuff--I don’t know, it just has to end up like it ends in the story!”

“In what story?”

“It doesn’t matter! I just need a Prince is all. You know, to uh, make the conquering of the Witch Queen official or whatever. I’m not a lawyer, I don’t know how it works. But I’m on a quest to rescue Snow anyways, right? And your King is fighting a war against the Queen. So if we get help from the Prince, and he has a hand in our defeating her and saving the long lost Princess... do you see where I’m going with this?” I said, my tone full of implications.

“Oh... Oooooh!” the Knight responded. “You make a good point. I... I suppose I can take you back to the Encampment and request you an audience with the Prince... it is the least I can do after selfless and generous gift,” he continued, looking down at the jewel in his hand, but still frowning slightly. “However... forgive me for saying so, but you are a lady, and not even a Shield-Maiden at that, at least as far as I can tell. I believe your word is good, but I am not so sure the Prince will see it the same way. If, perhaps, you were an enchantress or a good fairy or some such, he might be more inclined to listen to your tale; but as it is, I am not sure how well you will be able to convince him.”

I heaved a theatric sigh. “Men. Why does a woman need to be a threat before she can be taken seriously? That’s alright, I’m not entirely alone in my meager, apparently helpless ladyness.” I motioned with my hand at the bushes behind me, and with some grunts and and mutterings, nine male heads appeared above them. The Knight took a sudden step back in surprise. “I’ve gathered some other concerned parties to aid in this Quest. Sometimes a lone Prince just isn’t enough.”

Jack, Ezu, and the Dwarves came forward. The Knight awkwardly bowed to them, still a little rattled at their unexpected appearance.

“You are a cunning young lady,” he said, looking at me in a new light. “I all but walked into an ambush. I’m not entirely sure how I feel about you.”

“I’ve been having that effect on people more and more lately,” I replied. “I’m sorry for the deceit, I was rather expecting you to be a member of Royalty, and if there’s anything I learned from hitchhiking to the Mid West Music Fest with my brother last summer against my parent’s backs, it’s that guys won’t offer you a ride if you’ve got another dude with you.”

“Rikki, you’re doing that thing again; where you just completely stop making any semblance of sense at all,” Ezu said. I ignored him.

“So, can you bring us to the Prince?” I asked the Knight, hopefully. He thought about it for a long moment, his gaze sliding across the ten of us; eight of which looked as if they’d just swallowed something sour. Then he nodded, and slipped the jewel into the saddle bag on his horse.

“Yes, I can. I can’t guarantee you’ll get what you want, but I will do my best.”