Little Red Cinderella and the Three Beanstalks

Justin woke me at dawn.

I knew this because after weeks—or gosh, was it months now? (Honestly, it felt more like years by this point)—of slumming it on the road and being woken by the first piercing rays of morning sunlight and the shrieks of birds who should really just learn to relax and sleep in once in a while, my internal clock was finely tuned down to the minute, even when I was being awakened from a dead sleep in a room with no windows.

He ducked the pillow I threw at his head, but the second one took him by surprise and hit him square in the gut.

Unfortunately it was only a pillow, so it didn’t do much to prevent him from forcing me from the relatively cozy slumber I’d been enjoying up until that moment.

“We still have a princess to awaken, in case you’ve forgotten,” he scolded me, trying to pull the third pillow that I had clamped over my head out of my death grip.

“If she can sleep for a hundred years, then I can sleep for five more minutes,” I protested, though I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to understand me through the pillow over my face.

“Her sleep was a curse that stole a hundred years from her and everyone she knows and loves. She and her family will be waking in a world in which everyone they knew outside of the castle has long since died; in which the country they ruled no longer exist; in which the land they owned has either been swallowed by a dangerous forest or claimed by rival kingdoms; in which everything from the art, the science, and the technology they once knew is now a century outdated. I don’t think her sleep and your sleep can truly be compared.”

“When you put it like that, wouldn’t it be kinder to not wake her up?” I grumbled, but I was appropriately chagrined. I got up, rubbed the sleep from my eyes, and made a feeble attempt at making by borrowed bed. “Well then, your highness, where do you propose we start looking? In case you’ve forgotten, we still have to figure out how to get to the tallest tower.”

Justin tossed an apple at me that nearly gave me a black eye in my slightly clumsy tiredness, as well as a half loaf of bread that, to my great surprise, wasn’t rock hard or suspiciously green around the edges, like the stale bread I had become so accustomed to eating while on these troublesome little adventures. “I have an excellent memory,” Justin replied matter-of-factly, “so we can eliminate all the staircases we already tried. And since we know the tower has to be in this wing of the castle, and towards the back, that further narrows down the potential options. I suspect we won’t have to try more than a handful more staircases because we find the right one.”

“Where did you get this?” I asked him, entirely focused on the bread instead of his explanation, since we would have all morning to find the tower anyways. I inspected the loaf, and saw that the suspicious black specks in it were actually raisins, or currants, or some kind of dried fruit at any rate. I sniffed it, and definitely detected the scent of cinnamon. It would probably pair very nicely with some of the cake we still had from the gingerbread-murder-house.

“The kitchens. All the food was pristine, remember? I also refilled our water while I was at it. Technically it’s theft, but I’d rather rescue the princess on a full stomach and reimburse her family for the taken food later than suffer the indignity of a growling stomach at what would otherwise be, I am sure, a very dashing and emotional rescue.”

“You know, I’ve done this sort of thing quite a few times now, and I don’t think you can really use the word ‘rescue’ unless there is actual danger involved,” I told him as we walked together out into the hall. “And though every bone in my body is expecting some ridiculous thing to go horribly wrong, plunging us into mortal peril when we least expect it, I’m really starting to think that this one is going to be… dare I say it, easy. I mean, if there was danger anywhere, wouldn’t we have stumbled across it by now?”

“Perhaps we did,” Justin said, looking grim. “Just because we got into the castle easily, doesn’t necessarily mean we’ll be making our escape easily. Surely you recall the sight that met us inside the walls?”

I shuddered. The claws marks on the castle walls, the scorches, the remains of cattle. “Good point. Speaking of which, you didn’t… hear anything strange in the night, did you? Like the sound of something… returning?”

Justin shook his head. “But we are fairly deep inside the castle. We probably wouldn’t have heard anything short of an army storming the gates.”

“That’s comforting,” I muttered sarcastically, but only under my breath. The thought of what could be waiting for us outside the relative safety of the castle was unpleasant enough without my bad attitude to comment on it.

We spent the next forty minutes trying all the rest of the staircases on the first floor in the area we knew the tower had to be in. A few led to smaller towers or parts of the castle ramparts, but most only to the second floor. We finally had to accept that you just couldn’t get to the tallest tower from the first floor.

“What would the tallest tower even be used for?” I asked Justin, hoping his princely knowledge could at least narrow our search down a little more.

“Normally it would serve as a post for a guard lookout, or often as a prison,” he said. “Honestly, it can vary wildly from castle to castle. In my castle, we use our tallest tower to store my father’s instruments.” Justin paused and looked thoughtful for a moment, as if contemplating a memory. “He’s getting on a bit now and his knees aren’t very good. Neither is his musical ability. It was my mother’s idea.”

Up we went to the second floor, and we began our hunt anew from there.

We followed a handful of dead ends, and kept moving further to the very back of the castle. We found several beautifully furnished rooms, gilded with gold leaf on the ceilings and moldings, velvet curtains in the windows, jewel encrusted headboards on the four poster beds; but one ruby the size of my fist looks a lot like another, and the splendor of it all started wearing off after a while.

“I don’t know, we must be looking in the wrong place,” I finally said, stopping in the middle of a long hallway and pushing my hair back out of my eyes. All this climbing up and down staircases was tiring work, and it was growing unbearably stuffy in the windowless castle.

“It wouldn’t make sense for it to be anywhere else,” Justin protested, looking around for some door or stairway that we hadn’t tried yet.

“Look, let’s just take a break for a little while.” I walked over to a wall to lean against it, pressing my forehead against the cool, bare stone between two huge tapestries that hung on the wall side by side. “My calves are on fire, and-” but then I interrupted myself with a sudden little shriek, as I went to lean on one of the tapestries and it unexpectedly gave way beneath me. I fell through the hole in the wall behind it, nearly faceplanting into the ground. I scrambled to my feet just as Justin pulled the tapestry back, revealing the secret passage I’d unwittingly discovered. We looked at each other. “Or I guess we could see where this leads,” I suggested meekly.

“Let’s do that,” said Justin.

We stood on the landing of yet another staircase, one that disappeared into darkness above us. We didn’t have anything to light our way, so we ascended slowly and cautiously, side by side so that if one of us fell we wouldn’t knock the other one down with us on the way. There was no railing to hold onto, so we guided ourselves with out hands pressed against the cool stone wall, which seemed to curve ever upwards. It felt as if we were going up in spirals, which was an encouraging sign. We didn’t speak as we climbed, me out of fear of jinxing us if I spoke my hope that this was finally the right tower, and Justin out of, I assume, hopeful anticipation.

Finally, after a leg-aching eternity, a tiny sliver of light gleamed above our heads as we came around the spiraling staircase, unmistakably from a window. We hurried towards the light, and saw it was shining through a tall and narrow, unpaned window, that was really more just a slit in the side of the wall only just wide enough for an archer to shoot an arrow out of. Justin and I nearly smacked out heads together in our haste to peer out it, to get a better sense of where exactly we were located in the castle.

“I think…” Justin said hesitantly, his eye pressed right up against the slender opening, “We’re certainly in the right part of the castle. I can’t see the tallest tower from here, so at least we aren’t terribly off course.”

“Look!” I said, pointing as best I could towards the furthest point which we could see from our restricted positions. “Isn’t that just about where we came it? The castle gates are just out of sight over there, I think. And if I’m right about that, then I think this must be the right tower!”

“Well, let’s keep climbing and see for ourselves, before we get too excited,” suggested Justin, though I could tell he was trying to suppress his own growing eagerness. We hurriedly continued up the stairs, the pitch darkness of the endless staircase now punctuated by the occasional archer’s window. Up and up and up we went, and I tried not to let myself be plagued by unpleasant flashbacks from Rapunzel’s tower; until finally, finally, our ascent ended as we came to a small door at the very top of the tower.

Justin cast an uncertain glance at me. “Should I…?” he asked tentatively, his hand reaching towards the handle.

“Go on,” I urged him. He squared his shoulders, his set jaw looking very square and manly, and in a single swift motion he threw the door open.

There was a single window in the room we stood upon the threshold of. It was set on the eastern side of the tower, and so the midmorning sunlight was angling directly into the room, illuminating the interior with warm clarity. The room was nearly empty, save for a spinning wheel in the center, and a small, simple bed off to the side.

Laying on the bed, cold and unbreathing but far from dead, lay Briar Rose, the sleeping beauty. Her hair, more on the strawberry side of strawberry-blonde, was splayed out beneath her in rose gold waves. A gold circlet sat slightly askew on her head, knocked out of place presumably when she fell. And it appeared as if she had fallen right back into the strategically placed bed the moment her finger was pricked by the spinning needle, for one of her legs was hanging off the side, and one arm rested across her chest while the other was thrown out to the side. Her lips were slightly parted, though not a flutter of life passed through them.

I thought about the times I’d fallen asleep with my mouth open while sick and congested, and shuddered at the thought of the case of dry mouth Sleeping Beauty here would be sure to have after waking up after a hundred year nap. They say a person accidentally eats eight spiders a year in their sleep. I did some quick calculations in my head, and didn’t much like the answer I arrived at.

Trying not to throw up a little in my mouth, I nudged Justin forward. “It’s all on you now, man,” I said.

“Me?” Justin looked a little alarmed. I don’t think he had really completely believed me about the slumbering princess until now, and it was clear he hadn’t really thought of any plan of action for once we had actually found her.

“Yes, you,” I replied, exasperated. “With my luck, if I go wake her up, she’ll end up convinced that she has to marry me because I’m the one who rescued her. Sound familiar?” I shot him a glare, and he shifted awkwardly where he stood. “And one royal pain the butt who can’t take ‘no’ for an answer is enough for me, thank you very much. So I’m passing this one off onto you. Go on, Casanova.”

Justin hesitated at first, but then slowly crossed the room to the sleeping princess’s bedside, walking with gentle footsteps as if he was afraid of waking her. I hung back, standing in the doorway, and rested my hand on the hilt of my short sword. So far so good, but I wouldn’t put it past the wicked fairy who had cursed her in the first place to have laced the tower with booby traps or something, even though nothing of the sort had ever been mentioned in the original story I had once known and loved.

Justin looked down at Briar Rose, then back up at me, his eyes uncertain. “How… how exactly do I wake her up? Should I… kiss her?”

“Oh, god no, don’t be weird,” I replied, making a face. “You don’t even know her. And she’s unconscious. That’s creepy, don’t ever do that. Seriously, what is it with princes and incapacitated women? Just give her a shake or something, Jesus.”

Justin flushed, embarrassed. “Just give her a shake…” he muttered under his breath. “Rescuing a cursed princess from a century of enchanted sleep, and you want me to do it by shaking her.”

“Look, you can’t go around kissing every unconscious girl you see, or trying to marry every chick you find stuck up a tower,” I snorted. “Seriously, do you know how many unconscious and be-towered maidens there are out there? Including Sleeping Beauty here, I’ve met four. And that doesn’t include the one who got turned into a pumpkin. Just stop quibbling and hurry up, this all seems too easy and it’s freaking me out.”

Justin shot me a slightly offended look, then knelt next to the bed, leaning over Briar Rose. I was afraid for a moment that he was going to ignore me and kiss her anyways, but to his credit he seemed to accept my declaration of creepiness and stopped short of making contact with her lips. He reached out a tentative hand, pausing uncertainly with his fingertips hovering an inch away from her face. Then he gently brushed a curl back from her forehead, and straighted her crown with a feather light touch. The golden light streaming in from the single window hit the scene at a direct angle, illuminating the handsome prince, bent over the sleeping princess whose incredible beauty was tainted by the sadness of her curse. It was like a painting; it could have been an oil painting capturing a fleeting, tender moment between two lovers; Lancelot and Guinevere; Tristan and Isolde; Romeo and Juliet. I rolled my eyes.

“Get on with it!” I said through grit teeth.

Justin took her gently by the shoulder, and squeezed. “Princess?” he said, his voice barely above a whisper. “Princess, awaken.”

For a long second, nothing happened. I opened my mouth to suggest that he try giving her a hearty slap, which would be sure to do the trick, when she suddenly stirred. Justin leapt to his feet, and I nearly leapt out of my skin, even though I’d been expecting it.

Briar Rose abruptly took a deep breath, her chest rising dramatically, like the moment of resurrection of a near-drowning victim in a movie. She raised one dainty hand to her brow in a feeble attempt to shield her eyes from the sunlight that pooled around her.

“What… what happened? Where am I?” she asked groggily, her eyes fluttering open for the first time in a hundred years. “Why does my mouth taste so bad?”

I struggled to suppress a snort of laughter. Justin gracefully ignored the comment. He knelt back down beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder, to keep her from trying to sit up.

“It’s alright,” he said in a soothing tone. “Don’t be alarmed. You were placed under a cursed by a wicked fairy, do you remember that?”

The girl looked confused for a moment, but then slowly nodded her head. “I remember that there were rumors of a curse having been laid upon me at my christening,” she confirmed. Then a look of sudden fear flashed over her face. “Did it—did it come to pass?” she gasped.

“It did, but fear not, my lady, it has been lifted,” Justin replied, bowing his head in humble acknowledgment of his role in the curse breaking.

“How? By who?” Briar Rose asked, and Justin’s head snapped back up.

“Er… by me,” he said, a tad awkwardly.

“And me,” I cut in, a tad sharply. “Don’t forget about little ol’ me over here, who let you tag along on this rescue mission in the first place.”

“And… her,” Justin acquiesced, though he was obviously put out by my interjecting myself into his big moment.

“What curse befell me?” Briar Rose asked, pushing Justin’s hand away and sitting up, looking around the small, bare room.

“You, and your household, were placed under an enchanted sleep,” Justin explained, his expression becoming grim. “And I must warn you, it has been for a long time.”

Briar Rose finally looked directly at him, concern etched in her face. “For how long?”

“Perhaps you ought to wait until you are feeling more fit, before we discuss-”

“I wish to know, good sir. Please, tell me. My condition is fine, and there is nothing that can be done about what has already passed. Tell me how long it has been.”

“…A little more than a hundred years, my lady.”

Briar Rose swooned a little, but recovered herself remarkably quickly. “A hundred years?” she repeated slowly. “Speak to me truthfully once more, what has happened to the King and Queen, my parents?”

“They fell asleep too,” I cut in, taking a step into the room for the first time. “Everyone inside the castle did, the moment you pricked your finger. So anyone who was on grounds has probably already woken up themselves. I’m sure your parents are around here somewhere, and they’ll no doubt be looking for you.”

“I ought to go to them,” Briar Rose said, hastening to rise to her feet. Justin lent her his arm to steady her, and she took it willingly, even offering him a slight smile. Well, maybe he’d get his princess after all, even if it wasn’t exactly the one intended for him.

I stepped out of the way and Justin led her down the spiraling tower staircase, moving with deliberate slowness since the princess seemed to be a little woozy on her feet. I figured the two of them would probably benefit more from my absence than from my presence, so I lingered in the room after they had disappeared. Giving the spindle a wide berth, I went over to the solitary window are peered out it, and found I was able to see a good portion of the castle courtyard from this angle. To my distinct pleasure, I saw figures below, people who had wandered out of the castle and into the yard, evidently confused, but very much awake. Good, that meant that the curse had definitely been properly lifted. The whole rescue hadn’t only gone off without a hitch, it had actually been easy. For once, I had just walked right into the castle and saved the princess as easily as if I’d been walking into a grocery store to buy some milk. No evil queen to defeat, no dwarves to cajole or towers to scale, no princes or fairy godmothers to kidnap. The claw marks and scorches around the castle grounds still left me distinctly uneasy, but so far, nothing had actually come of it. The idea that this little chapter in my adventures had been a relative cakewalk compared to the other messes I’d thus far gotten myself into seemed anathema to me, but I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe it was a tiny reward, a bit of karmic justice in return for everything else I’d been put through.

Or maybe it was an early consolation prize for what was still yet to come.

I remained standing there, leaning partially out of the window, enjoying the midmorning sun on my face, the gentle breeze that had a whisper of autumn chill to it. I stayed like that for a long time, not thinking about what I had to do next, or what I’d already come from; not thinking about the friends I’d made along the way, or the friends I’d lost.

“Ah, Rikki, there you are,” Justin beamed at me as I entered the throne room. I’d figured that everyone would probably end up gathering there in the confusion of waking up from their enchantment, and I was right. Justin stood beside Briar Rose, who in turn stood next to two people who were obviously her parents, the king and queen. They looked grimly serious, but relieved, and when I approached the king clasped my hand in both of his gratefully and the queen gave me a low, distinguished curtsy.

“Prince Justin has informed us of your role in the lifting of the curse, and we are eternally grateful to you,” the king, a kindly looking older man with an enormous, Wyatt Earp style mustache, said.

“Oh, it was nothing,” I waved his platitudes away. “Just another Tuesday for me, no big deal, really.”

“It is a big deal to us,” Briar Rose said, her expression drawn. “If you hadn’t come, who knows how long we would have remained here? Perhaps no one ever would have found us, and we’ve have all remained in that terrible sleep forever.”

“Well…” I tried to argue, but they were having none of it.

“You must be honored for your deeds,” the queen insisted. “It is the least we can do. You can have a position in our court. I am afraid Briar Rose is our only child, so we have no son for you to marry, but we could make you a Duchess-”

“There’s no need for that, really,” I insisted hastily, raising my hands in the air as if to ward off their offers. “Really, I honestly can’t stay for long. I’m happy to have helped, of course, but… well, my services are needed elsewhere. I’m leaving you in great hands though, I assure you,” I added, giving Justin a hearty pat on the back. “This guy isn’t half bad, and that’s saying a lot, coming from me. Besides, he’ll be a lot more help to you all than I ever could be. He can actually fill you in on what’s been going on in the last century, and maybe help get some order restored around here. Speaking of which,” I turned to Justin, “if you have any trouble working out land ownership with the country that the evil queen took over—what was it called, Wiessland?—just try to track me down. They owe me too, big time, and I could probably help you work something out.”

The king and queen looked quizzically at Justin, who just shook his head, the corner of his lips quirked up in the smile. “I’ll hold you to that,” he replied. “I didn’t quite believe you when you first told me that, but now… well, I’ll get in touch if I need to. Where will I be able to find you?”

I hesitated. I didn’t actually have an answer for that, not even a little bit. I hadn’t thought about that at all. I suppose there were only two options for me from here on out: I’d go to find the final witch, the big bad one all of this was leading up to, and I’d confront her. After that, well, I guess I’d either beat her, or… I wouldn’t. If I didn’t, I doubted there would be much left of me to find. And if I did… where would I go?

I shrugged. “I’ll let you know. I’ll send you a postcard from wherever I end up. I’m thinking somewhere sunny, with lots of palm trees, and a hammock.”

Briar Rose and her parents nodded slowly, obviously completely lost. But Justin just smiled, and reached out to shake my hand.

“Thank you, Rikki. I’m not sure what would have happened to me if we hadn’t met in the woods, but I think I can safely say our meeting worked out in everyone’s favor. Isn’t there anything we can do for you before you leave?”

“Well, if it isn’t took much trouble, I wouldn’t say no to crashing here again for one more night. Fresh clothes, supplies, maybe even a bath would be great. I understand if that’s too much to manage, seeing as how your entire household is probably going to be a bit chaotic for a while, dealing with the aftermath of the curse and everything-”

“All of that is perfectly reasonable,” the queen cut in, smiling. “I shall even prepare your bath myself.”

“Oh, I couldn’t ask you to-”

“I insist. Honestly, it is the least we can do. We truly are in your debt.”

I smiled at them, and felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted off temporarily my weary shoulders.
One more day, then. I had one more day before I had to start thinking again.

…Still, I had to wonder where that dragon was.