A Student/Teacher Relationship

"Is there anything you can tell us?" Officer Braun looked up from his notepad. I can't see why. It's probably blank or littered with 'I don't know,' 'I'm hungry,' and 'this is news to me.'

Reaching for the TV remote nustled in the blankets of my hospital bed, I glanced at the pair and noticed how agitated they were. I don't blame them. They've been at this for an hour or so resulting to a complete waste of time. "Are you done yet?"

"Miss, we need your testimony to keep Mr. Armstrong in jail. Without it, he walks free. Because all we have is a teacher with questionable eyesight and a friend of yours, a Nicholas Anderson having some sort of grudge against you. We need the truth from your lips because that's all that will hold up in a court of law." His partner spoke up.

"Fellas, I'm sorry to let you down but I honestly don't know anything. So if you would please leave, I'm exhausted." I then faked a yawn. It's not like they're difficult to do.

His partner was about to protest, but Braun caught him and whispered something in his ear. The uniformed cop nodded and went out into the hall. Officer Braun flipped closed his notebook. "We'll be back soon to try this again, and next time you better have more to say then 'I don't know.'"

"Oh don't worry, I will. I might mix things up a bit and use more creative answers like 'Garsh that's a thinker' or 'Color me stupid.'" I smirked while rapidly changing channels. He looked at me with pleading eyes, but immediately realized I wasn't going to faulter in my determination of ignorance, so he left.

That was one of many meetings that occurred during the few weeks I went from healing in the hospital to here, the Elgin Psychiatric Hospital. Calling it a "psychiatric hospital" sounds better than an asylum even though it is just that; A forced sanctuary for the insane. My doctor suggested to my mother that due to the circumstances, seeking mental help would be the best for me, and apparently she didn't want to deal with me either. And lucky me, the ward in the hospital is full up so now for the past three, count 'em three weeks I've been taking up residence in the adolescents level A.K.A. one of the scariest, unsettling, and most fucking hilarious places you could ever go. Maybe it's not as amusing if I was crazy, but I'm not! I don't belong here. Can't anyone else see that? Oh well, I'm glad I'm leaving tomorrow.

A lot of the kids here are being treated for extreme depression and other personality disorders strattling psychosis. My roommate, Catherine ( sadly one of those girls who insist on being called Cat ) is here basically for the same reason I am; Hurting herself, but her case is a tad more disturbing. Instead of the normal razorblade or handy zippo lighter, she uses staples. Think that's gross now? It gets worse. She inserts then into her arm in the same fashion as you would attaching paper together. Once the staple is embedded into her skin, she rips 'em out! Blood would squirt, but not for long. Cat doesn't even flinch! her only reaction is pleasure and humming the McDonald's jingle ended by "I'm lovin' it." How do I know all this? She stole a stapler from the nurse's station, and hides it in the heating vent beside her bed. It's disgusting, but she's a nice girl just the same.

"Becky, we have to go to groups now." Cat stood next to my bed, nudging the mattress with her knee. I don't want to go. It sucks. I have to sit around in a circle 'sharing my feelings' with the crazies.

"I'm sick." I sniffed, turning over to face a blank wall.

She sat down beside me and rubbed my arm. Goosebumps erupted across my skin from her scabbed over wounds brushing against me. "Come on this is your last time. Besides I bet 'Gerard' will want to say goodbye." I know she's sporting a devilish grin. She's been doing that ever since she assumed Gerard has a thing for me.

"Ha, ha, shut up about that." I sat up and sighed. "If I go, can I come back here and sleep?"

Cat bit her lip and shrugged. "More or less."

"I'll take that as a no then." Crawling out of the bed around her, I sauntered to the door. "Get your ass up. I'm not strolling down the boulevard of broken brains alone." Even though I will always be just that, alone.

"Hey Becky!" Gerard called alittle too loudly halfway down the hall behind Cat and I. Gerard (real name being John or Jason) always insisted being called that in reference to the great Gerard Way of MCR. It's true, he does look a bit like him before The Black Parade makeover, but he takes the modern vampire persona to another realm of dark fantasy. From what Cat tells me, he came here because he reached third stage of Renfield Syndrome. The mental disorder involving one believing the drinking of blood gives them supernatural powers. I guess he went from auto-vampirism to attacking the family dog, so he got shipped to room 302 in a jiffy. "Becky! Wait up!"

"Will you please just tell him to go away or something? He's your boyfriend." Cat muttered, exasperated.

"1) He's not my boyfriend. And 2) I think playing deaf is more effective. We're almost there anyways." I stared down the cluttered corridor to see Kim (therapist/ group leader) greeting teens arriving for the assigned 4:30 group session.

"Why hello ladies. Don't you both look pretty today?" Kim smiled at us upon our arrival. I looked to Cat with an arched brow.

Cat rolled her eyes. "Cool it Kim, we don't have eating disorders. We're masochists."

"...Um alrighty then. Uh you two go ahead and have a seat." She recovered from being shot down. I'm sure it's difficult to remember what type of mental deformity twenty or thirty teens are suffering from and not be weirded out by it.

"Hi Becky." I turned around to see Gerard fighting the ability to stand still.

"Oh hey..." I searched for Cat to rescue me, but she is already on the other side of the room talking to Darren/ Butch (Split Personality) maing kissy faces at me and then pretending to shoot herself in the head.

"Uh Becky?" Gerard stepped back into my line of sight.

"Yes Gerard?" I tucked my hair behind my ear and crossed my arms.

"Yeah uh hi. I was just wondering if um- you would like to- um do something later like watch tv or something?" He questioned fiddling with his fingers. It isn't that I don't like Gerard. I do have a bit of a celebrity crush on Gerard Way though the impersonator standing before me didn't carry much of his personality or vocal abilities so why think he's him? But he is sweet, kind, and ok the vampire thing is sort of a kinky turn on. Alas... my heart still lies with someone else.

"Ok everyone. Now that we're all here, let's sit down and get started." Kim announced in the center of the circle of empty chairs.

"Let's go." Cat tugged my arm towards two vacant chairs.

"Maybe Gerard." I answered tripping over my feet following Cat. He nodded and gave me a relieved smile. Boy, he does look like the real thing.

The circle is now complete and everyone except Kim stared off into space. "Does anyone want to start?" Que the crickets. "Anyone?... Alan, do you have anything you want to talk about?"

"No, not really."

"There must be something. Did you get anything for mail day." (I got nothing.)

"Um... I got a birthday card from my parents-"

"Aw, that's nice. What did it say?"

Alan's face scrunched in confusion. "Happy birthday?" When Kim didn't respond but continued to smile. He's expected to elaborate I guess. " And uh... They miss me and wish I was home-"

"Pssh." Jimmy smirked. Jimmy, priding himself on being known as "Saint Jimmy" on our floor sat opposite of Alan. Typical product of cigarettes, ramen, and a little bag of dope. He'd be attractive if he wasn't so damn arrogant; Thinking he's some kind of patron saint or whatever.

"Jimmy, do you have something to contribute?" Kim shifted her attention.

"It's St. Jimmy. No, I just thought it is quite amusing how his parents said they loved him and wished he was home."

"How so?"

(St.) Jimmy cracked a grin. "Look around. We're the fucking forgotten in the lost and found."

"Fuck you." Alan grumbled, watching the hands of the clock barely moving.

"What was that?" Jimmy leaned forward in his chair, cupping his ear.

Alan glared at him. "I said fuck you. They do care." Everyone's eyes quickly flew back to Jimmy as if this was one of those god awful daytime talk shows. In my opinion, I hope it's Jerry Springer. Jimmy sat in his chair biting his bottom lip with a smile and slowly shaking his head; Never diverting his gaze from Alan. Oh intimidation, I thought I lost thee!

"Are you blind? Nobody gives a shit about us anymore except the assholes here that are paid to." He thumbed at Kim, recoiling in her seat. " If the government had it its way we would be fucking executed and our bodies shipped out and left to pile up on some far off island so the taxes for this hell hole could go to more oil drilling in I-fucking-raq. Since it's 'morally incorrect' they lock us in here. So basically, the hypocrites you call 'parents' left you here to fucking rot instead." Wow, good thing he sugar coated all that.

"You're dead!" The legs of his chair screeched as Alan lunged forward in his pursuit of Jimmy.

"Face it-" Jimmy stood up himself and addressed the rest of the circle. "Let me all ask you a question. Do you dream too much? Do you honeslty think what you need is a crutch?" By this time, Alan had stopped in his tracks, confused by St. Jimmys inquiries.

"What?" Unfortunately, it made sense to me. Yes, I do dream too much. Right now I'm lying in my rock of a bed listening to my mystery band of which I haven't heard in months and I sorely miss. (They don't allow music in here unless it is approved; It wasn't). And yeah maybe I do need a crutch. I'm not quite sure what it is but the first thing that comes to mind is what put me here in the first place. Though my eyes stayed glued to the floor, I could feel Jimmy looking from person to person; Challenging us to oppose.

"You're crazy." Alan spat.

Jimmy chuckled. "Are you fuckin' retarded? This a mental hospital! We're all crazy!"

"...No-but-"

"We're fucked up, but we're not the same. Mom and dad are the ones you can blame." For a second it seemed like everything clicked in the room; The confusion, the rage, the animosity. It all made sense and Jimmy, St. Jimmy found us an escape goat, an answer to the reason of our misery.

"...Thankyou Dr. Seuss. Now sit the hell down." Kevin, Alan's friend, demanded. A few giggles sifted into air. I wasn't one of them. I know and understand what Jimmy was getting at and I hate it's truth. Mom and Rachel (not even counting Brad) gave up on me. They sent me away just so they wouldn't have to put up with my bullshit. I bet their lives have improved in the result of my absence. And now I'm going to screw it all up again when I go home tomorrow.

"Ok everyone settle down and take a nice, deep breath." Kim finally tapped into her authority taking Alan's place in the center directing him back to his seat. "I'm sensing some negative vibes within our happy family."

"Manson family." Kevin scoffed.

"Oo, oo I call Charles!" Jimmy raised his hand, hopping in his chair. Grinning at the cleverness of these adolescent psychos, Jimmy and I's eyes locked and he smiled back. Whoa, this is weird. Time to look away.

"Let's do an exercise, shall we?" Kim offered. "That I think is appropriate for the conversation thus far. I want you all to close your eyes... Well go on."

"So gay." Someone mumbled as everyone shut their eyes. I focused on the floor, fixating on a black scuff mark.

Kim continued on, " Everyone's eyes closed?... Good. Now, I want you each to think of a person who makes you feel safe, wanted. Someone you care about and there's no doubt in your mind that they care for you also. Someone whose always been there for you-" Ok I get the idea. Basically someone I love and they love me back, duh.

I wasn't even trying this silly little exercise until a face popped into my mind. No, not him. Not him with his sleek black hair and endless green eyes and teasing smile that would even get Jack Frost hot. Damn, I miss him. I have to know what happened to him. It's been two months. The idea of never seeing him again is becoming more real. Love destined to go nowhere, unrequitted by law is now a past demon. Billie Joe, you're always going to be the ghost that haunts me. I have to move on though. Get my head on straight.

***

"So you're leaving tomorrow?" Gerard asked, sitting next to me on the beaten couch in the recreation room. It is somewhat emtpy; Only a few nuts playing gin and Alan staring out the window into darkness. I stopped doing that weeks ago, because the view never changed.

"Yep, tomorrow afternoon." I stared blankly at the screen.

"Oh, um... I know it's not really any of my business, but how did you end up here?" He leaned forward, being present in the corner of my eye.

"Ask 'St.' Jimmy. He seems to know everything."

"My ears are burning." I heard behind me. "You rang?" Jimmy's head slid in between Gerard and I's. I haven't noticed how spectacular his eyes are; orbs of frost bitten intensity. That sounded lame. Screw it, my brain.

I merely shrugged, but Gerard picked up the slack for me. "Nothing. I was only asking her why she was here."

Jimmy puckered his lips. "You know I've been wondering the same thing. You seem fairly stable."

Crap, I have to speak. "Isn't it a bit late in the game to be asking that since I'll be gone tomorrow?"

"Nah, guys like to maintain a certain level of mystery. It's sexier that way." He winked.

I smirked. "Tell me, do you think this is sexy?" Holding out my lightly bandaged arm. No point on being shy about it here.

"Can we see?" Gerard chirped in; His request carrying a hint of eagerness.

"...Sure I guess, but don't get too excited Dracula. It's not bleeding anymore."

Carefully lifting up the edge of the gauze, they both drew closer to get a better view. The blood curdling affliction from months before was mending. Purple, dark red skin healing over the stitches that will soon be removed. Still shameful. Still sore.

"Awesome..." Jimmy gasped. He reached out to touch it, but I yanked my arm away and covered it back up. "Hey! It's not like I was gonna rip 'em out."

"Yeah, at least you're not like Cat; The whole staple thing." Gerard shuddered.

"True." I nodded.

"See, I'm not yet satisfied. I knew what the bandage was for, but I want to know is what did it for you?" Jimmy jumped over the backing of the couch between us. "Come on, what set you off to 'hey killing myself sounds like a good idea'?"

"No one."

"Ah-ah-ah I said 'what,' not 'who.'"

"No I said nothing. I wasn't trying to kill myself." I tried to recover from my slip-up.

"Too late. You said 'no one' implying there is a someone." He noted.

A swell of frustration rose in me. " I don't have to explain myself to either of you so goodnight and in case I don't see you before my departure, you can go fuck yourself 'St.' Jimmy." Standing up, I thanked Gerard for the invitation and that I had fun (cough) before our interruption.

While watching TV, all I wanted to do was sleep. Now thanks to Jimmy, I'm wired with him running through my brain, and it will take hours to black out. Bring on Cat's night terrors.