A Student/Teacher Relationship

BJ's POV:

This is good so far; disturbingly accurate, but good. The whole story is written in technically her point of view except the main character is named, "Charlie" (Becky) and I am Mr. Morrison. Not the best name, but I see she saw that by scribbling a side note of "change" next to it.

It's scary yet enlightening to get into her head on past actions she took that I didn't understand. Like at the trainyard, she said those things because she didn't want me to get hurt. The raping in detail was unbearable so I skipped it. I never realized how big of a jackass I acted like at the bowling alley. I was an idiot to not see how much she envied Adrienne, or how much she admired me. Damn, she made me sound like a dream. I'm more of a chronic sex fantasy in my opinion. Early in the beginning those warm feelings appeared evident, but as it progressed, they transformed into pain and confliction which doesn't help me feel any better about this Jimmy thing.

Wait a second, what am I thinking? I'm Billie Joe fucking Armstrong. It's not like I'm rich or famous or anything like that, but come on just look at me. I think I look pretty damn good at my age. Aw fuck I'm being an ass again. Looks don't matter; at least that's what I believe to be low on Becky's priorities.

The final paragraph acted as an introduction to her going to Gilman's and finally seeing "the love of her life," me- I mean Green Day. I am Green Day. They held hands. They kissed! More than once! How sickening. I flipped to the succeeding blank pages waiting to be covered by her thoughts until I came to the last page of the notebook...

My confidence is cracking. She made a pros and cons list of Jimmy and I.

***
My POV:

The walk back was surrounded with indifference and apprehension of what would happen later on once they return. Ya know I just remembered the point of this little outing was to reflect and make a sound decision. I'm not going to jerk them around or my feelings. Good thing it just crossed my mind as I walked down the hall on the fourth floor or otherwise I wouldn't have enjoyed being out on my own (even if it is through recreation).

Noticing I had left the door cracked open, I rushed inside as if a witness would tattle on me to the owners. I nearly tripped on the sudden stop I had to make from being surprised to see Billie Joe sitting on the bed reading my notebook!

"Don't read that."

"Billie Joe is definitely a ten, but twice my age; and Jimmy's a nine, but he's 17." Billie read from that stupid list I made. "Becky, what the hell is this for?" Instead of being self-conscious over my own private words, but the reality of what he's doing angered me more.

"I don't know. What the hell do you think you're doing by invading my privacy?" I shot back.

It looked as if the answer escaped from his mind until he said, "It was just lying there."

"Is that seriously the best you can do?It was just lying there so that gives you the right to go through my things?" I always thought it was impossible for me to say anything negative to Billie Joe much less to his face, but hell I'm doing it.

Jimmy's POV:

I'm not one to live with compassion, but I can't help but feel bad for her. Rape? I wouldn't have ever guessed. She doesn't really intimate that even happening. I suppose that's one more thing we have in common.

After Billie Joe left me in the dust and once the shock wore off, I headed home thinking she must still be asleep. That would hold true if only I didn't hear her talking from the open door.

"-so that gives you the right to go through my things?" She said. I peaked and saw her back to me and him standing with the notebook I'm never allowed to see. For a second I thought he saw me too, so I whipped back and leaned against the wall. I'll use my imagination.

"I only thought it would help." He replied.

"Well you thought wrong- Dammit Billie this is already hard enough. I can't be mad at you on top of it." Her voice cracked.

It was silent for a minute until Billie Joe mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Becky sighed in return. "No, don't be. I'm just under a lot of stress and that list means nothing. It was a stupid idea-"

"Not about that." He cut her off. "Jimmy and I spoke. Before you ask me what happened, you should know that I fucked up- He knows about what Ben did to you."

"You told?!"

"It's not my fault; it slipped out! He was blaming me for your hospital stay and that I should leave you alone. I got angry." His words strung together in one breath.

"He's going to think- oh my god he's going to think-"

"I'm surprised the world hasn't come to an end since you hold St. Jimmy's opinion above everyone else." Caught the sarcasm in that, asshole. "I see now... you want him, don't you?" His inference was exciting, but her silence was unnerving.

"...Billie, do you know why I didn't immediately run into your arms when I saw you yesterday?"

"Because..." He ran his finger down the page. "Because I'm married and have two kids."

"No- yes- well that's apart of it. Read 16." She directed. It took only a second or two for him to find it.

"Loving Billie Joe is like suicide. Aw, isn't that nice?" He grimaced. "What does that mean?"

She shifted her weight onto her other foot. "I wasn't happy before I met you; even before we were together and you were just my teacher, I was just grateful to know you. You made me smile if you ever happened to look my way, and you made me laugh with your random stories. That's pretty good compared to me wanting to stake my other teachers through the heart with a ball-point pen. I was the silly, little school girl with a crush-"

"And I was the silly, little school teacher with a crush. Go on."

"Whenever my happiness with you spiked, something bad would happen."

He waved the notion off. "That's not true."

"No? Then what about when you first told me you loved me? Ben attacked me mintues later. Or when we had sex I freaked, got drunk, and woke up in my best friend's bed naked." His eyes bulged. "Please don't interrupt. And how about when I tried to fix things, I almost died and you were arrested?"

It didn't take him long to reply. "You presented a fairly solid case, but there are some pieces missing in your evidence. Those things may have happened, but it's not because you were happy or trying to be. Shit happens. Blame them for hurting you, not yourself. Also I don't recall our first kiss turning into a disaster; maybe you ran off, but it worked itself out for, I think, the best. The day I took you to the tracks wasn't a torture, was it? Every time we hung out, there wasn't any freak accidents."

"But still... I feel like I'm a walking catastrophe."

"No you're not. Wanna know why? Because I'm going to be incredibly sappy and say you're the best thing that has ever happened to me." He said sincerely. I rolled my eyes. She'd have to be a complete idiot to believe that. "Damn everything you do questions my mental health, but I don't mind if it goes on. It's better to be kind of crazy instead of that saint."

She sighed. "Why do you keep bringing him into this? What do you have against him?"

"You're with him!- What more do I need besides the fact you care more about what he thinks than me." He retaliated.

"1) I'm not with him; I'm not with anybody. 2) Of course I care about what he thinks. I owe him. He brought me here when he didn't have to, and he saved me from the stare and ridicule when it doesn't at all fit his character. Jimmy did a lot for me. And 3)... That all matters and I won't ever forget it, but Billie I love you; not him. You're the one I want to be with; not him." The third reason was like a cold smack in the face. Even Billie looks dumbfounded.

"...Really?"

"Yeah. We're both here away from everyone back home. This is exactly what we needed. The only thing I'm afraid of is still being jinxed."

He dropped the notebook and took a step towards her with hopeful eyes. "Nothing bad will happen, I swear. I won't let it. I'd rather die first." He took her into his arms. "I love you."

"...I love you." She buried her head into his chest.

Instead of self-pity forming a clump in the pit of my stomache, revenge pumped through my veins and my heart boiled hate.

Nothing bad will happen, I swear. I won't let it. I'd rather die first.
....Is that a promise, Billie boy?