A Student/Teacher Relationship

My POV:

10-6-06

Journal,

Sorry I haven't written or anything in weeks, but seriously. What do you care? You're just a notebook, an inatimate object. Everything has been a whirlwind lately. Sometimes I wonder if I'm really living this. That Saturday where BJ took me to that "surprise" was fun. He ended up taking me to these old railroad tracks. At first I didn't get the significance of it, but he explained to me how when he was younger his hometown was so boring that he would go to the tracks to think and kill time. I thought it was sweet to take me somewhere that meant a lot to him, even though it wasn't the same place. The ones he took me to were a little creepy. It made me think of a giant graveyard for broken down locamotives and decrepit railroad cars. We hung out there for hours talking among other things, but I'm no slut.

The weeks following were draining. News of me having a boyfriend spreaded like wildfire to all of my friends all thanks to Nick. (Still haven't spoken to him yet.) So now I have all of my friends and family attacking me for answers about BJ. I barely if ever answered them, but my mind kept mentally trying to keep up. They are getting to me though. Don't get me wrong, things are going great with BJ. In fact, better than can ever be expected, but sometimes...I feel like I should be disgusted in myself. I'm not going to sugar coat it. What we're doing is wrong. Wrong on so many levels. Legally, he would be thrown in jail for the whole minor thing. Educationally, it's practically a cardinal rule to not date a teacher. Morally, he has a wife and kids! Come on, I am the the other woman, the mistress, the whore on the side! Oh my god 2 kids! One is only a few years younger than me! Ew! Wow maybe Josh always calling me a "sick fuck" is true... Logically, the right thing to do is to break it off, but emotionally...I don't think I'll ever want to. I'm so confused yet happy. I have to do some homework and think of a way to apologize to Nick for yelling at him. So yeah, bye.

***

Saturday, 11:18 PM

Billie Joe walked me to my front door. We just got back from this small venue in the city featuring this new, undiscovered band, "Nevers End." They were so unknown that there was barely anyone there. They rocked just the same.

"Thanks, that was a lot of fun," I stood in front of Billie, my back to the door.

"Welcome, told you they were good."

"They were...Do you want to come in? My parents are staying at a hotel for a wedding and Rachel's at a sleepover," I fiddled with the newly copied key my mom had given me days before.

"Really?" Billie asked, some what surprised.

"Yeah I got the house to myself for the night." (Don't worry I'm not insinuating sex. I just want to hang out longer. Get your mind out of the gutter!)

"Uh huh!" He nodded eagerly. "Fuck, I just remembered Adie thinks I'm at school finishing some things up so I got to get back."

"Ok," I tried to portray a smile of understanding. I do understand. She's the wife. Still stings though. "I'll talk to you later then," I gave him a kiss on the cheek and put the key in the lock.

"Becky, I love you."

"What?" My eyes bulged in disbelief.

"I love you," He confirmed stronger, staring straight into my eyes. A little voice in the back of my mind screamed, "DON'T DO IT, DON'T DO IT! YOU'LL REGRET IT!"

"Shut up!" I whispered.

"You want me to shut up?" Billie asked, looking taken aback.

"I love you too," I returned the gaze. For a moment we just stood there in silence. We didn't need to talk. Everything that needed to be said was.

He began to lean towards me. It seemed it was in slow motion as if we were in a movie. Our eyes closed in unison. Our lips were an inch apart-
Billie Joe's cell began to ring, shattering the mood. Our eyes blinked open. He reached in his pocket and pulled out the lighted up, vibrating phone.

"It's Adrienne."

"Then you better go."

"K..." He nodded. We're both a little out of it at the moment. For a minute there it felt like we were the only 2 people that existed.

"Go," I nudged him to the stairs.

"Bye, love you," He pecked me on the cheek.

"Love you," I watched him stumble down the stairs, flipping his cell open, and placing it to his ear.

"Hi honey," He spoke into the mouth piece. "-Yeah I'm leaving the school right now. -Mhm Love you too," He got around to the driver's side and waved goodbye. I lifted my hand in response and went inside. I didn't want to hear anymore.

Minutes later after he left, I had my PJs on and my mystery group playing at max volume. House to myself might as well take advantage of it. "Private Ale" began to play and I heard the door bell ring.

"What now Billie?" I laughed opening the door. "Ben? What are you doing here?"
Ben stood outside the door apparently not in a good mood.

"You fucking bitch," He muttered with clenched fists.

"What?" I leaned forward and sniffed the stench radiating off of him. "Are you drunk? Go home Ben," I began to shut the door. He kicked it hard making it smack me in the jaw. No loose teeth, but still taste blood. "Ben go the fuck away! Get out!" I pushed as hard as I could against the door. With little effort, he forced it back open.

"You whore you make me sick!" He stepped inside. I backed several feet away until my back hit a wall.

"What do you want Ben?" I asked trying to be calm. I don't want to upset him anymore than he already is. "What did I do?"

"You know what you fucking did," He slurred and kicked the door closed and fumbled to lock it. "Old, gross...sick bitch..." He staggered towards me, using the wall to keep his balance.

"Ben please you're scaring me!" Tears welled in my eyes.

"I saw you with HIM!" He swung his arm in the direction of the door. "HE'S OLD! Teacher...Sick you're fucked up!"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I played stupid still crying. I eyed the stairs. Maybe I can make it to a phone and lock myself in a room.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" He yelled.

"I'm sorry..." I looked down at my trembling hands. I started to cry even harder.

"NO I'M SORRY!" He dropped to his knees and sobbed. He looked up at me with wet, bloodshot eyes. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE DON'T BE MAD AT ME!"

"It's ok," I choked out. I gripped his shoulder in a comforting way and then kneed him hard in his privates. He grunted and fell over on his side, clutching his testicles, writhing in pain. I stared at him for a few seconds, proud of myself that I had hurt him. My goal came crashing back in my mind and I ran for the stairs.

Almost there...

I tripped before the last step. I yelped hitting the floor on impact. My head whipped back to Ben crawling behind me, one hand tugging my ankle and the other still massaging his balls. He wasn't crying or asking for forgiveness. He had a look of wanting me dead. I kicked and struggled in hopes of getting his hand off of me.

"You fucking cunt!" He got on his knees and dragged me to him.

"LET GO! PLEASE BEN DON'T DO THIS!" I tried to get a hold of anything to stop me from getting any closer. I began to scream for help at the top of my lungs, but "Why Do You Want Him?" muffled my cries.

"Now," He flipped me over on my back and crawled on top of me, straddling my torso.

"Please don't hurt me!" I begged.

"Shut up!" He slapped me hard.

"I'll do whatever you want I swear!" I cried even more.

"I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!" This time he punched me in the mouth. I stopped sobbing and began to wimper. I wish Billie was here. Hell, I wish anybody was here to help me. No, this isn't happening. It can't be. Please let this be a nightmare. Oh god let this be a bad dream! I squeezed my eyes shut hoping that the next time I open them, I would be in my bed, and this never happening.

"Look at me..." Ben grabbed my chin. My eyes remained closed. "LOOK AT ME!" He punched me in the stomach. My eyes flew open and my back arched in succession. I can't breathe! While gasping for air, he gave me a right hook in the eye making me go back down. I tried to scream for Billie, but nothing came out, only air.

"You like to fuck teachers? Here's a fucking lesson!" He maneuvered and elbowed me in the head.

Please someone....My head lolled about on the ground, my eyes rolled back and forth. My eyesight flashed in and out, my muscles started to go numb, and my breath grew more shallow.

"There's the girl I love." Ben smiled, leaned down, and kissed me. He even tried to slip me some tongue. I groaned as my only defense. He pulled away with blood all over his mouth. My blood... He reached down and unzipped his pants. My eyes rolled into the back of my head. The phone rang a few times and went to voice mail.

"-Please leave a message after the beep." Beep.

"Hi, Becky, it's Nick. I know you're mad at me, but please call me back as soon as you get this. I think Ben got a little drunk tonight and he went crazy. If he comes over there don't open the door. I don't know what he'd do. So please call me back. Bye," The answering machine beeped.

The sight of Ben is fading, everything's getting darker... Lights out.