Into Your Icy Blues

She slid lazily down onto her bed and buried herself in the covers. Tears streaming out of her eyes as she tries her hardest not to remember.

Flashback

"Laurenn, you have to stop please! It's not just hurting you, it's hurting your friends, your family. Think about all the people that care about you! Did you not think about that, eh?" Laura screamed at her. She couldn't reply, her eyes were using up every ounce of water in her body. Her mouth was dry, her cheeks and eyes drenched with tears. Her best friend sighed and pulled her into a tight hug.

"You know I love you, hon. But I just can't bare to see you do this for much longer. Who else knows?" She still couldn't verbally reply, so she just shook her head and looked up at her best friend with watery eyes. She was held out at arms length and sighed at.

"Will you try and stop, for me Laurenn? Please?" She couldn't say no to her begging, so she nodded and smiled weakly. "Just for you," She mumbled out croakily. Laura smiled in return and embraced her in a hug once more.

She just wished that it was that simple. Maybe if she wasn't so fat, Ben wouldn't have died. Maybe he would've stayed where he was, not moved far away. That was it, it was her fault. Her fault Ben moved, her fault Ben died, her fault everyone was sad. It was her fault for everything. She hated herself. She hated the fat that only she seemed to see, she hated the colour of her hair, her eyes, the length of her arms, every little thing replused her. She just wanted to be like everyone else.

Laura parted from the hug and stood up. "Laurenn, hon, I have to go home now. Will you be alright?" She nodded her head and smiled weakly, showing that she apparently felt better. Laura smiled happily ad hugged her once last time. "I'll talk to you later than, see ya!" She waved goodbye to her friend and layed back down on her bed. At least Laura pretended to like her as a friend.

End of flashback

More tears erupted rapily from her tear ducts and streamed quickly down her face. Her cheeks were tear stained and her body felt weak and useless. She dried her eyes with the back fo her hand and uncurled herself from the tight shaking, sobbing ball she'd made herself and crawled out from under the light green duvet. She reached towards the small table next to her bed and switched on the night light. She searched through the small drawers thouroughly. She, eventually, found what she was looking for and smiled triumphatnly to herself.

- - -

She fingered the small, shiny, sharp razor in her fingers, contemplating where abouts she should place it in her skin. She knew it wasn't right to start in the first place, but she felt like she had no other way to turn, like she was walking down a dead end street and had finally reached the end.

She placed the sharpest edge of the razor to the flesh of her thigh, she pushed down with her thumb on the dull side and it cut into her skin. She smiled at the red liquid that steadily leaked out of the freshest cut on her thigh. She wiped it away with the index finger and licked it. It made her feel like a vampire, she loved it.

She sat there for the next five or so minutes, cutting deeper every time, into her thigh. Sometimes going over older scabs and scars, causing slightly greater amounts of pain. She realised that to most people this would cause great discomfort, but to her, it made her feel better about herself. Strangly enough she thought and wiped the red liquid off of the razor and hid it back at the bottom back corner of the middle drawer and waited for her thigh to close up before laying back down and curling herself aback into a ball and burying himslef under the light green duvet.