I Never Told You What I Do For A Living Because I Didn't Think You Could Handle It
Deep cut
Jadens P.O.V.
It has been a a month since Gerard asked me to marry him. But i'm getting a little weird feeling that says I shouldn't do this and i'm not ready. I don't know what to think. I love Gerard but some poeple say that you should trust your feelings. I can't even understand my feelings.
After a while, of arguing with myself, I went downstairs to make my breakfast. And there was Gerard, sitting at the table drawing.
''Hello artist Gerard.'' I said taking my cereal and sitting next to him.
''It's Mr. artist Gerard to you.'' he laughed.
''Oh sorry, your highness. What cha` drawing?'' I asked him. These corn flakes were good.
''I would tell you but I can't because it's not done.''
''O.k. Whatever.'' I finished my cereal and went back up to our room. I laid back in the bed and talked to myself, trying to make conversation.
''Hello, Mr. froggy.''
''Hello, Mrs. pig.''
''Let's have an afair. ha, ha, ha'' Ok. I know what you're thinking. This is getting really dumb. So after I got bored, which was really quickly, I walked over to the desk. It was covered in papers and drawings and random stuff. I cleared some of it and noticed a notebook on the desk. Thinking nothing of it, I read the cover.
''Gerard's! Do NOT open. If you do, there will be serious consiquinces.''
Holy crap. Talk about a warning! But I am his fiance` so it shouldn't matter.
I opened it and turned to the first poem.
It said:
UNTITLED
''Gaze into her killing jar, i'd sometimes stare for hours.
She even poked the hole so I can breathe.
She bought the last line, I'm just the worst kind,
of guy to argue, with what you might find,
and for the last night I lie, could I lie with you?
Give up,Get down. It's just the hardest part of living.
She wants, it all to come down this time.
Lost in the prescription, she's got something else in mind.
Check into the hotel bell muerte.
It gives the weak flight, it gives the blind sight,
untill the cops come, or by the last light,
and for the last night I lie. Could I lie next to you?
Give up,Get down. It's just the hardest part of living.
She wants, it all to come down this time.
Pull the plug. But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on, well I hope you do the same.
Awww sugar.
Slip into this tragedy, you've spun this chamber dry.''
I heard this song before. Gerard told me the title but I can't remember. Something about the jetset life or something. Deciding it was no big deal, I flipped to the next page. On it was another poem:
UNTITLED
Don't know her yet,
don't really want to.
She's all I can think about,
yet I can't think.
Someone else in picture.
Someone else in mind.
No one else to hide from,
but the sound of you tonight.
Forgive me god, but this is not right,
am I holding you to tight?
I want her, I need her,
can have her, don't want her.
Forgive me stars, I've fallin` far,
from you tonight.
Keep holding you tight.
Never letting go.
Someone else to need,
but you to want stay.
I don't want to go too far away.
To: Tamila
What the hell? Who is Tamila? Gerard has a hell of a lot of explaining to do.
So I went downstairs and walked up to where Gerard was sitting.
''Hey! I fin- what's wrong with you?'' Gerard asked, looking at my exprestion.
''Nothing. Just nothing. But I do want to know if this girl Tamila is nothing.'' i answered him.
''Oh, her, yeah. She's my ex-girlfriend. How did you find out about her?''
''You know. Just the poem I read about her.'' I said mad.
''Oh, that. That was nothing. It's you and me now. Not her.''
''Well, let's see if it's just you and me, when she's the only one you have.'' I started to walked towards the bathroom, tears in my eyes, when Gerard grabbed me.
''Jaden, don't be like that. The poem ment nothing. I promise.'' he said letting go of my hand.
''How do I know you're not lying?'' I asked.
''Look into my eyes and seriously tell me you're not lying.''
''I'm not lying. I love you and only you.'' he said.
''I can't trust you Gerard. I'm sorry, but I can't.''
''Wait! It's not like you haven't done this before. You remember Frank, my best friend?'' he asked.
''This is different,Gerard. I confessed and said I was sorry, but you didn't. No, you decided to keep this a fucking secret.'' I said, my eyes pouring out a steady stream of tears.
''I would have told you but you jumped the fucking gun and are now trying to make it look like I did something wrong here.''
''What the hell? You did do something wrong. A little fucking trust would've worked.'' I said, my voice getting louder.
''Not as wrong as what you did. You basicly fucked my best friend. You're acting like a fucking whore.'' he yelled.
What? I can't belive he just said that. Gerard. The one that tried to save me.
''You're the one marrying the fucking whore.'' I said and ran into the bathroom, tears in my eyes.
I shut the door behind me and took out my blade. I haden't seen it in a while. I've been to happy with marrying Gerard. Gerard. The one who I thought I could trust but turns out I can't. I could only trust the blade now and what it could give me.
I stuck out my wrist and slid the blade across,faster then I had ever done before. Hoping it would be the last cut I would have to make.
My vision was going and as soon as I knew I was slipping, I heard a knock on the door. It was Gerard.
''WAIT! JADEN, PLEASE DONT. I LOVE YOU!'' he yelled. But it wasn't goiong to work this time. He wasn't going to stop me now.
''You don't love me Gerard. It's better if i'm not here.'' I answered him back.
''I DO LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!'' he plaeded.
''I have to.Goodbye Gerard.''
''NOOO!'' But I had already slipped away. Gone from this world of pain and misery. Gone from anything that loved me. Gone from Gerard. And there I was. Wasting away without anyone to save me. Anyone to help me. Anyone to love me.
It has been a a month since Gerard asked me to marry him. But i'm getting a little weird feeling that says I shouldn't do this and i'm not ready. I don't know what to think. I love Gerard but some poeple say that you should trust your feelings. I can't even understand my feelings.
After a while, of arguing with myself, I went downstairs to make my breakfast. And there was Gerard, sitting at the table drawing.
''Hello artist Gerard.'' I said taking my cereal and sitting next to him.
''It's Mr. artist Gerard to you.'' he laughed.
''Oh sorry, your highness. What cha` drawing?'' I asked him. These corn flakes were good.
''I would tell you but I can't because it's not done.''
''O.k. Whatever.'' I finished my cereal and went back up to our room. I laid back in the bed and talked to myself, trying to make conversation.
''Hello, Mr. froggy.''
''Hello, Mrs. pig.''
''Let's have an afair. ha, ha, ha'' Ok. I know what you're thinking. This is getting really dumb. So after I got bored, which was really quickly, I walked over to the desk. It was covered in papers and drawings and random stuff. I cleared some of it and noticed a notebook on the desk. Thinking nothing of it, I read the cover.
''Gerard's! Do NOT open. If you do, there will be serious consiquinces.''
Holy crap. Talk about a warning! But I am his fiance` so it shouldn't matter.
I opened it and turned to the first poem.
It said:
UNTITLED
''Gaze into her killing jar, i'd sometimes stare for hours.
She even poked the hole so I can breathe.
She bought the last line, I'm just the worst kind,
of guy to argue, with what you might find,
and for the last night I lie, could I lie with you?
Give up,Get down. It's just the hardest part of living.
She wants, it all to come down this time.
Lost in the prescription, she's got something else in mind.
Check into the hotel bell muerte.
It gives the weak flight, it gives the blind sight,
untill the cops come, or by the last light,
and for the last night I lie. Could I lie next to you?
Give up,Get down. It's just the hardest part of living.
She wants, it all to come down this time.
Pull the plug. But I'd like to learn your name.
And holding on, well I hope you do the same.
Awww sugar.
Slip into this tragedy, you've spun this chamber dry.''
I heard this song before. Gerard told me the title but I can't remember. Something about the jetset life or something. Deciding it was no big deal, I flipped to the next page. On it was another poem:
UNTITLED
Don't know her yet,
don't really want to.
She's all I can think about,
yet I can't think.
Someone else in picture.
Someone else in mind.
No one else to hide from,
but the sound of you tonight.
Forgive me god, but this is not right,
am I holding you to tight?
I want her, I need her,
can have her, don't want her.
Forgive me stars, I've fallin` far,
from you tonight.
Keep holding you tight.
Never letting go.
Someone else to need,
but you to want stay.
I don't want to go too far away.
To: Tamila
What the hell? Who is Tamila? Gerard has a hell of a lot of explaining to do.
So I went downstairs and walked up to where Gerard was sitting.
''Hey! I fin- what's wrong with you?'' Gerard asked, looking at my exprestion.
''Nothing. Just nothing. But I do want to know if this girl Tamila is nothing.'' i answered him.
''Oh, her, yeah. She's my ex-girlfriend. How did you find out about her?''
''You know. Just the poem I read about her.'' I said mad.
''Oh, that. That was nothing. It's you and me now. Not her.''
''Well, let's see if it's just you and me, when she's the only one you have.'' I started to walked towards the bathroom, tears in my eyes, when Gerard grabbed me.
''Jaden, don't be like that. The poem ment nothing. I promise.'' he said letting go of my hand.
''How do I know you're not lying?'' I asked.
''Look into my eyes and seriously tell me you're not lying.''
''I'm not lying. I love you and only you.'' he said.
''I can't trust you Gerard. I'm sorry, but I can't.''
''Wait! It's not like you haven't done this before. You remember Frank, my best friend?'' he asked.
''This is different,Gerard. I confessed and said I was sorry, but you didn't. No, you decided to keep this a fucking secret.'' I said, my eyes pouring out a steady stream of tears.
''I would have told you but you jumped the fucking gun and are now trying to make it look like I did something wrong here.''
''What the hell? You did do something wrong. A little fucking trust would've worked.'' I said, my voice getting louder.
''Not as wrong as what you did. You basicly fucked my best friend. You're acting like a fucking whore.'' he yelled.
What? I can't belive he just said that. Gerard. The one that tried to save me.
''You're the one marrying the fucking whore.'' I said and ran into the bathroom, tears in my eyes.
I shut the door behind me and took out my blade. I haden't seen it in a while. I've been to happy with marrying Gerard. Gerard. The one who I thought I could trust but turns out I can't. I could only trust the blade now and what it could give me.
I stuck out my wrist and slid the blade across,faster then I had ever done before. Hoping it would be the last cut I would have to make.
My vision was going and as soon as I knew I was slipping, I heard a knock on the door. It was Gerard.
''WAIT! JADEN, PLEASE DONT. I LOVE YOU!'' he yelled. But it wasn't goiong to work this time. He wasn't going to stop me now.
''You don't love me Gerard. It's better if i'm not here.'' I answered him back.
''I DO LOVE YOU! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!'' he plaeded.
''I have to.Goodbye Gerard.''
''NOOO!'' But I had already slipped away. Gone from this world of pain and misery. Gone from anything that loved me. Gone from Gerard. And there I was. Wasting away without anyone to save me. Anyone to help me. Anyone to love me.