Big Blue Crush

“Why do I hate you so much?” I wondered out loud as I glanced over at my own brother, who sat with his lady on his lap at the bar. “I mean, growing up. Me and you were like—twins, now I could scratch your eyes out.”

“Thanks babe,” he rolled his eyes as he scooted Charlie farther up on his lap, glancing down into her eyes all grossly in love before he looked back at me. “You want me to call him?”

“No I do not want you calling my husband,” I slurred, I shouldn’t have had that fifth—six—or seventh shot but I felt like completely shit. I found out today, I couldn’t have a child, I was unpregnantable—or something like that.

“You know—he doesn’t blame you,” Charlie spoke loudly though it was a statement that was meant to come out soft. “You ran off before he could tell you that, I think he wanted to talk to you about some stuff.”

“I’m surprised he didn’t just cuss me out and ask for a divorce,” I rolled my eyes; unaware that Bam was on the phone speaking with someone about a certain someone named Joey. “I need children, even with them having an uncle and family friends like the guys, I could still be a good mother. Charlie, I would be a good mother wouldn’t I?”

“You would be a great mother,” Charlie slid off of Bam’s lap and sat down beside me, hugging me sideways closer to her. “You will be a great mother; you can always adopt a child that needs a home, a life, a mother and father that will love them unconditionally.”

“Your right,” I wiped under my eyes and hugged her fully, turning around on the stool to do so. “Thanks Char.”

“No problem, dear,” she kissed my cheek and wiped underneath my left eye, a smile on her face. “Just don’t get so down on yourself, okay?”

“Okay,” I agreed nodding my head before I turned around and downed one more shot, of what this time, I have no clue but it warmed my insides, even burnt a little.

“Come on,” I felt hands on my hips, pulling me off the stool, I whined but let Bam lead me from the bar to the outside wall, where I fell to the wet ground and just sat there. “Jolene, get up. You’re getting soaked.”

“What does it matter, we took my car anyway,” I rolled my eyes and let him once again pull me up, being the good brother he was supposed to be at the very moment.

“That’s not why I want you to get up babe, your getting soaked by laying on the bar ground, there is probably puke on your ass. Besides, Ville just drove up, so get your ass up so I can help you get in it,” he called out, as he stood me up and moved me across the asphalt to the Lamborghini parked in a handicap spot. “Alright, here you go, Ville you can take her to my house if you want.”

“I’ll meet you there, bammi,” Ville said as he leaned over me, nodding for Bam to shut the door and leave us alone in the privacy of my brother’s car. “You ran off.”

“I couldn’t stand to see your reaction, I just had to go,” I explained leaning my head against the door, Ville sighed heavily in defeat and leaned over me to make sure he locked the door. “Can we just go home?”

“Yes, when we get there we’re talking though,” his voice was determined but at my stage of drunkenness, I didn’t quite catch the severity of his tone. “Jolene, are you listening to me?”

“Yes Ville,” I held back a yawn as I laid my head against the wall. “I’m sorry I can’t have you a child, I wanted more than anything to have a baby. Just thank my stupid uterus for being stubborn.”

He laughed, meaning to or not as he drove down the main road back to our home, that we ironically shared with my brother. Arriving quietly with the purring of the engine as it shut off, I was half dozed off with my head pressed against the window, the affects of my alcohol, I wanted sleep. “Come on sweetheart,” I heard his angelic voice before the door opened and I basically fell out of the car, I didn’t fall all the way out, he caught me before my head hit the ground or any other part. “Damn it, Joey stand up right.”

“I’ll try,” I mumbled childishly as I stood up slightly straight, I was half bent over trying to wrap my arm around his neck, it was awkward since he’s a tall booger. “Lean down Ville, you’re to damn tall!”

“Women,” I heard him grumble right before I was literally swept off my feet, to be scrawny and tall as he is, he’s very strong in the strangest ways. I don’t remember much more of the night, a couple of shouts from Ville out of pure frustration until he give up when I dozed off, I remember him crawling into bed with me at some point to wrap his arms around my waist and pull me close to him. He had confessed when we started dating, when he would just lay in my bed and cuddle up to me or spend the night that when he went home or went on tour, he was restless because he couldn’t sleep without me. He was furious with me, being as stubborn as I am and yet he still found it in him to cuddle against me, no matter his repulsion, he still hugged me close. I love this man dearly but sometimes he gave me way too much credit.