Dreams Make Living Life a Nightmare

Nestled in my warm cozy bed with Mr. Snuggles. He's my stuffed animal that has been my partner in crime since I was younger. My trusty dog companion through thick and thin. Stuffed animals will never be overrated even at seventeen.

I have this void. The only way to keep myself from crying at night is Mr. Snuggles. He soothes some of my yearning for someone special. Someone special is not a best friend but a boyfriend. Ace with his perfect long silky chestnut colored hair and his soft yet handsome face. He's the one I want. I had the courage to talk to him a handful of times. We would usually pass by each other's lockers and carry on a short conversation but nothing to serious. He's always been a sweetheart to me.

I wish it could be Emma and Ace. It's hard for me to imagine us together. He's close to perfection, at least in my eyes. He could play the guitar and skateboard, which makes me melt. His bad boy sides and charm work for him.

I thought about Ace one last time that night and then shoved him out of my head. I didn't need those thoughts to make me feel worse. I drifted off into a deep sleep.

+++

It was a glorious Saturday morning that peaked through my curtains. I cursed the sky for a short period just for awakening me. The sun won, never losing its glare. I wasn't going to get any more shut-eye. I pulled a pair of black baggy sweatpants out of my bottom draw and then a band T-shirt. I just ran a brush though my dull blonde hair so it sat on my shoulders.

I walked out of my room; wondering why my parents didn't wake me up. They are always up early and making ruckus. I walked through the living room expecting to find them sitting on the recliners but found no one and heard nothing. Well that's better for me no one to complain.

I felt like a walk through the park, there's nothing better to do. I left a note for my parents on the table about my whereabouts. I strolled out my front door heading towards the park that was only five minutes away.

It was probably one of the warmest autumn days we were going to get this year. I walked with my hands in my jean pockets. I was trying to dodge all the orange, red and yellow leaves that fell towards the earth.

My thoughts were in a different place though. I felt lonely all over again like usual. Friends couldn't help me now. I was in way too deep.

I viscously kicked at the leaves at the ground before I looked up to find the swing set with two abandoned swings. The swings were the place I would always go when I wanted to find peace. I started swinging hoping that it would make me forget about all this bull crap. What was wrong with me? Some of my other friends don’t have boyfriends and they're happy. Or are they?

But they're not me.

Swinging wasn't as fun as it had been when I was younger. I came to a complete stop. I wrapped my arms around the chains and hunched over letting out a big sigh. My long hair now hung in front of my face blinding me. Just then I heard the chains next to me jingle. I just sat plastered to my chair in the same position. My eyes wandered to his feet the only thing visible through my hair. He was wearing the old school black and white converses.

"I sense you're a little upset." This guy's voice was piercing in a good way.

"No, I'm fine," I barked.

"Ok, then. I know something's wrong but I just won't know exactly."

Seconds passed and the mysterious man didn't move.

"Well did you ever feel lonely?" I started moving my feet in circular motions in the wood chips.

"I have my days. Is that your problem being lonely?" He sounded sincere.

"Well, it's not like I'm overly depressed or anything. My friends and family tell me it's nothing. I can't just shrug it off though."

"I know I get the same way sometimes. Is there anyone in particular, that one special guy?"

"Yeah. But he doesn't think of me that way. We what only talked a few times in life."

He cut me off. "So maybe that's all he needs is the first impression and then he's willing to love you for you. I mean you wouldn't act fake towards him would you?"

"It sounds way to easy, there for it is not possible. And I am never or will ever act fake." I just started to tear up because of the thought. I still sat there like a board.

"Everything's possible, ok maybe that's a lie. You have to take a jump for the things you want even if they leave you only falling. If you never leap then you'll always be thinking what if. That's how people should live life, with adventure. It may not always turn out the way you wanted it to but that's the risk."

"I hear this all the time. I guess I'm just not ready to tell him how I feel."

"Well then if you're not ready to tell him. You must not be ready at all."

This time I cut him off. "Why can't he just tell me if he likes me or not? I'm so lonely." The tears flowed a little quicker with anger.

"Because he doesn't know your feelings towards him. Then tell him. You don't know what he's going to say. Unless you're a mind reader, which you definitely aren't."

"What am I supposed to waltz right up to him and be like 'Ace I love you'."

"I love you too."

What was this stranger babbling about? I just met him and spilled my heart out and he loves me. I stood up with rage. I felt like he was mocking me. I was already broken down to my tiniest pieces. I still didn't look at his face not wanting to have his face haunt me for his words being used so loosely.

He stood up and walked towards me. He looked somewhat familiar. I glanced at him but his image was blurred through my teary eyes. I turned around to leave from this horrible place. I started to walk then I was grabbed by the hand and swung back around. The force cocked my head up and I saw him clearly for the first time.

"Didn't you hear me?" He said.

I stumbled all over my words. I had just told Ace the whole nine yards.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me. This was the most secure I ever felt. I didn't want this moment to go. "Emma, where do I begin? You were always so nice to me, but not like the others. I know you were sincere. You're gorgeous to me. You are shy that is a plus. There's a sense of mystery about you. You are the only one for me, Emma."

Tears started breaking away from my once teary eyes. For once I was truly happy. I had someone special care for me.

He pulled me away from him so we were looking into each other's eyes. His hand caressed my face.

Dark clouds were starting to form above us. But we didn’t care for we were with each other.

I finally looked deeper into his emerald eyes. "I love you Ace."

The lightening had stricken miles from us. I loved thunder and lightning and this moment. The rain started to drop like there was no tomorrow. It just poured out of the sky. We were getting soaked. Nothing else mattered. I didn't care if I was freezing and that my clothes stuck to me like Velcro.

He ran his hands through my hair. We were staring at each other. He brought his lips to mine. I kissed him back not being shy. This is the happiest moment in my life. Never end, please. This is what I need.

+++

BANG! I sat up quickly grabbing the edges of my bed. That stupid garbage truck made so much noise. Wait what about Ace. Was that a dream? I felt worse than I did the night before. I had everything I ever wanted then it was torn away from me. Why did people have to dream? They just confuse reality with fantasy.

I laid back down in bed hoping to fall back asleep and fall into the same dream. I knew the truth. Never were we to be.

"Mr. Snuggles come here," I whispered trying to hold back all these tears. I held onto him tightly but he couldn’t fill that empty space. Oh, how the truth hurts.