How Dark Is the Night?

I sat on the bed facing the window. I heard a slight knock and ignored it. I knew it was Erelin coming to talk to me and calm me down.

“Hey, mind if I come in?” She asked as she opened the door a bit.

“I would rather be alone right now but I know Pete would be mad at me so be my guest.” I replied sighing, trying to wipe away any remaining tears.

“Look, I know you didn’t mean what you said to Chrissy back there.” Erelin said shutting the door behind her as she walked into the room.

“I was just upset. Everyone is so happy and here Kat is dead and it is my fault. I did not mean to take it out on Chrissy. I am really thrilled for her.” I said turning around.

“Amanda, it is not your fault. We all knew Volkmar had her. We tried to find her last night but failed. So, we are just as much to blame.” She said sitting beside me on the bed.

“You are right. You are right about one thing.” I said.

“Oh?” She asked.

“You knew Kat was going to die. You saw it and didn’t tell me.” I replied angrily. “How long have you had these visions?” I asked pissed.

“Amanda, most of my visions has not come true. I did not worry about this because of that reason. In addition, I knew we would save her or thought we would anyway. I was wrong, though.” She said looking down.

“Does Brendon know you see things that may happen?” I asked.

“No and I don’t want him to know. It freaked me out the first time I had a vision. It was you and you were dead. It happened about the time that Volkmar surprised you and Kat at your place. You lived though. I did not worry and I never saw it coming what would happen with Brendon that night I had to turn him. I also see faces and places that don’t add up. Therefore, what good is it to see things if I do not see them at all or can tell you things clearly?” She asked.

“You realize that this is from Volkmar, right? That is how Pete can hear other vampires’ thoughts. It is because Volkmar can. He can see things too I am sure. With him though, I think his thoughts are fuzzy, when they come to me. With you guys, he knew where you guys would be and what you were up to so he stayed away last night.” I said.

“I guess. Dracula didn’t have any powers did he?” She asked me.

“He could get into my thoughts but only after he bit me but that was it.” I said shrugging my shoulders.

“How did Pete pass this down to you? I am worried Brendon may have this or if he doesn’t, he will be jealous he doesn’t have a power.” Erelin sighed. I laughed remembering how jealous he felt that Erelin was a vampire and he was not when all of this Volkmar mess started.

“I don’t know because Pete had bitten me before. I think it had something to do with how he bit me last night. Something similar happened when we went up against Dracula a few nights before that fight. Pete transferred some of his energy and strength to me from biting me to make me stronger to fight Dracula. This I think was similar, just that he did it unconsciously.” I said.

“Do you think I passed this to Brendon?” Erelin asked.

“No, I don’t, honestly.” I said.

“I can’t believe you did not want to tell me this. I am a little hurt.” I said.

“What difference does it make if I can’t make sense of half of what I see anyway?” She asked.

“I’m sorry Erelin.” I said.

“Hey, it is not your fault. You need to quit blaming yourself for everything around here. You do more then enough. Amanda, you are going to be bringing a child into this world soon and on top of that, you protect the world from vampires so that it does not have to. You defeated Dracula and you will Volkmar. I know you are worried and stressed out. What happened to Kat was not your fault. What happened to Brendon was not your fault either and you saved him. You have done more then enough. You cannot protect us forever. We fight because we care and love you. We should be the ones protecting you this time.” Erelin said squeezing my hand.

“I think sometimes I should be dead. Look at me Erelin. Look at how old I am. Slayers do not live as long as I have. I am just on borrowed time. I mean I died already and was brought back thanks to CPR given to me by Patrick and Bev. I feel like I should not be here. Maybe Kat should have been trained by you guys and she wouldn’t be dead right now.” I said looking back out the window.

“Amanda, you know you don’t make sense sometimes. There can be no one who could replace you. So what if your dad and Nick messed with your memories and protected you all the years that they could, it has only made you more aware and a stronger person. You are not weak as you think you are. So stop this nonsense.” She said flashing me her fangs.

“Is that a threat? You showing me your fangs, thinking you are all bad and everything. You know I can take you.” I said showing a slight smile.
“In your dreams. You only think you can beat me. I am faster and younger then you. I have the advantage old, washed up slayer.” She said joking.

“Old. Right.” I said rolling my eyes.

“See, that’s the spirit. Now, there will be no more of this blaming you over everything. I mean it. We will find Micah and Volkmar. We need to focus on that.” Erelin said.

“I will try not to blame myself on one condition.” I said smiling.

“What’s that?” Erelin asked.

“You must tell me the next time you have a vision. I do not care what it is. Write it down and tell me. You may need to focus in on your ability more. I have to focus so that I don’t hear the things you and Brendon think about.” I said rolling my eyes and laughing to see Erelin turn red.

“You really think I could hold something important?” She asked.

“It cannot hurt to write down what you see.” I said.

“Ok, well focusing in on my ability shouldn’t be too hard, right?” Erelin asked.

“I don’t know. It depends on how distracted you will be from Brendon.” I said smiling.

“Amanda!” She said whacking me with a pillow.

“I think I need some rest. I will apologize first thing in the morning. You all will be spending the night again, right?” I asked.

“I think so. Although, I think the boys need to go and get more blood packets because I am hungry and with Pete back, I do not want to share.” Erelin said.

“Ok, eww. I do not want to hear anything about drinking blood ok?” I asked.

“Oh, sorry. Well, I will tell Chrissy you are upset and feel bad and that you will talk to her in the morning. Try to get some sleep and I will work on that vision thing.” Erelin said as she got up off the bed.

“Thanks. Night.” I replied as Erelin headed out the door.

I shut the door and started to get ready for bed. I slipped into my pajamas and crawled into bed. I layed there, and stared at the ceiling.

“Nick, Mom, or Beckett, I could really use a friend right now.” I whispered before falling asleep.