The Obsession
31.
Its been a few hours since I last spoke to Ryan and to be honesty, I feel kind of..guilty for smacking him one across the face. But if he is just going to be irrational and crazy, then he had it coming.
I get out of bed and see the little brown book he gave me. I shrugged it off at first when I went to take a shower. After I had gotten out, I saw it again and sighed deeply. It seemed to be urging me to read it.
No, I am not reading it. He's probably got nothing that bad to complain about..but still, it's tempting.
Just a look at one page won't kill me.
Sighing, I open up the book and read the first few lines.
In case if George kills me, then this should explain to you why he did and little bit more about my life. I hope this answers the many questions you all have asked me so, so many times before. I really do. This was written for my friends, Spencer, Brendon, and Jon.
A friend? That's all I am to him? A friend! After I dropped my whole goddamn life in Vegas to be with him, after all the shit I went through for him, and the jealousy I had over him being with Adam?! Fuck, I feel like an idiot for even crushing on this guy.
On the second page it read: Growing up, I believed that everything my dad did was normal and amazingly cool. When I was four, he took me to a nice country house for the weekend and we did have fun... Except when I took a bath, that is. He has been taking baths with me ever since I was two or three years old. So, when we took one on the trip, I thought it was normal for him to..do things to me in the tub. Like, he kissed me on the trip. A lot. And he also touched my chest when I faked sleep. A lot. I never would have guess anything of it. What four year old would? I wish I did, though. Because when I turned five, my life turned to shit.
I felt my head begin to spin and my stomach churn in disgust. But I kept on reading anyway.
The night of my fifth birthday, the night that would start something disgusting and purely detested in society today. It was raining out and I got scared of the thunder, so I grabbed my bear and went over to my daddy seeking help and protection. He let me sleep with him in his bed even though he always said his bed was for him and him only. I shut my eyes and tried my hardest to go to sleep, but daddy's hands were on me. Holding me and pulling me closer to him. I felt his lips pressed against mine and soon I was feeling sick. But I somehow managed to fall asleep anyway. I somehow did. But damn, I wish I hadn't been that stupid.. I guess that night is what really started it all. I guess this all my fault. I guess I had it coming. I guess I deserve it.
Turning away from the book, then turning back to it, I found it pretty addicting. So, I read it. Much of it was disturbing and eerie.. Pretty dark, if you were to ask me, but then again this is just Ryan's childhood.
Then came that damned chapter of the little brown book. It was a one paged chapter with only three paragraphs; signaling that this was a moment so disturbing to him that he couldn't even write that much about it.
The way his eyes looked upon me in pure lust as I sang just a line for him.. Just one line, made my stomach knot up. I knew he had something planned. He told me he thought my voice was perfect. I blushed up and ignored everything else. What a horrid mistake. If only I wasn't such a giggling idiot.. If only I had been more careful.. If only I had told someone everything that was going on.
He took me upstairs into our, no, his bedroom. He laid me on the bed and began to attack me with kisses.. Fuck, looking back, I should have fought him. I should have at least tried to struggle, but I was frozen. The way he was touching me and kissing me assured the worst of my thoughts and assumptions.. Something bad was going to happen. Something that would forever traumatize me.
He had discarded my shirt and was trying to rip off my belt. I got scared and soon he was pressuring me for sex. Alas, my dearest friends, his attempts failed. Instead of sex, he made me get on my knees and..suck him off. Yet, before he came, he pulled me up and pulled my boxers down. He kissed my dick before taking it into his mouth.. He sucked, bit it, nibbled on it before taking his mouth off it. What he did next still plagues my mind as I even write this.. He played and touched my balls before he climaxed. He took a picture of my dick, kissed my jawline and forehead before telling me with damned grin on his face, "Baby, I love you and this is a reward for singing for me."
I put down the book immediately and literally ran all the way outside to my car. I started it up and headed over to Ryan's place; going twenty miles over the speed limit as I drove. Fuck! How could I have done that to him? How could I have left him all alone in that apartment with that physco path!
I get out of bed and see the little brown book he gave me. I shrugged it off at first when I went to take a shower. After I had gotten out, I saw it again and sighed deeply. It seemed to be urging me to read it.
No, I am not reading it. He's probably got nothing that bad to complain about..but still, it's tempting.
Just a look at one page won't kill me.
Sighing, I open up the book and read the first few lines.
In case if George kills me, then this should explain to you why he did and little bit more about my life. I hope this answers the many questions you all have asked me so, so many times before. I really do. This was written for my friends, Spencer, Brendon, and Jon.
A friend? That's all I am to him? A friend! After I dropped my whole goddamn life in Vegas to be with him, after all the shit I went through for him, and the jealousy I had over him being with Adam?! Fuck, I feel like an idiot for even crushing on this guy.
On the second page it read: Growing up, I believed that everything my dad did was normal and amazingly cool. When I was four, he took me to a nice country house for the weekend and we did have fun... Except when I took a bath, that is. He has been taking baths with me ever since I was two or three years old. So, when we took one on the trip, I thought it was normal for him to..do things to me in the tub. Like, he kissed me on the trip. A lot. And he also touched my chest when I faked sleep. A lot. I never would have guess anything of it. What four year old would? I wish I did, though. Because when I turned five, my life turned to shit.
I felt my head begin to spin and my stomach churn in disgust. But I kept on reading anyway.
The night of my fifth birthday, the night that would start something disgusting and purely detested in society today. It was raining out and I got scared of the thunder, so I grabbed my bear and went over to my daddy seeking help and protection. He let me sleep with him in his bed even though he always said his bed was for him and him only. I shut my eyes and tried my hardest to go to sleep, but daddy's hands were on me. Holding me and pulling me closer to him. I felt his lips pressed against mine and soon I was feeling sick. But I somehow managed to fall asleep anyway. I somehow did. But damn, I wish I hadn't been that stupid.. I guess that night is what really started it all. I guess this all my fault. I guess I had it coming. I guess I deserve it.
Turning away from the book, then turning back to it, I found it pretty addicting. So, I read it. Much of it was disturbing and eerie.. Pretty dark, if you were to ask me, but then again this is just Ryan's childhood.
Then came that damned chapter of the little brown book. It was a one paged chapter with only three paragraphs; signaling that this was a moment so disturbing to him that he couldn't even write that much about it.
The way his eyes looked upon me in pure lust as I sang just a line for him.. Just one line, made my stomach knot up. I knew he had something planned. He told me he thought my voice was perfect. I blushed up and ignored everything else. What a horrid mistake. If only I wasn't such a giggling idiot.. If only I had been more careful.. If only I had told someone everything that was going on.
He took me upstairs into our, no, his bedroom. He laid me on the bed and began to attack me with kisses.. Fuck, looking back, I should have fought him. I should have at least tried to struggle, but I was frozen. The way he was touching me and kissing me assured the worst of my thoughts and assumptions.. Something bad was going to happen. Something that would forever traumatize me.
He had discarded my shirt and was trying to rip off my belt. I got scared and soon he was pressuring me for sex. Alas, my dearest friends, his attempts failed. Instead of sex, he made me get on my knees and..suck him off. Yet, before he came, he pulled me up and pulled my boxers down. He kissed my dick before taking it into his mouth.. He sucked, bit it, nibbled on it before taking his mouth off it. What he did next still plagues my mind as I even write this.. He played and touched my balls before he climaxed. He took a picture of my dick, kissed my jawline and forehead before telling me with damned grin on his face, "Baby, I love you and this is a reward for singing for me."
I put down the book immediately and literally ran all the way outside to my car. I started it up and headed over to Ryan's place; going twenty miles over the speed limit as I drove. Fuck! How could I have done that to him? How could I have left him all alone in that apartment with that physco path!