The Obsession
34.
When Brendon came, he could immediately smell the stench of sex in the apartment and he instantly knew what had happened.
"Ryan, it's me, Brendon!" he called out into the apartment, hoping to find him anywhere.
"Ryan!" after that one last time, Ryan said the first words he had spoken every since he had been raped. "Brendon, go down the hall. My bedroom is down the hall and don't, absolutely, do not let Jon in."
"Okay, Ryry." he screamed in response as he headed down the hall and found his bedroom door.
He knocked on it three times before Ryan had opened it.
At first, he was shocked. His best friend was completely covered and he reeked of sex. Yet, the worst was waiting for him when he entered the bedroom. Brendon felt his breath leave his throat.
Blood.. Ryan's.. No! It-mistake. It's all a mistake. Holy shit, there is fucking semen everywhere and blood.. So much blood. That motherfucker is fucking dead when I get my fucking hands on him! he thought in pure rage, disgust, pain for his friend, and utterly strong shock.
"Ryan-"
"Don't."
"But you-"
"No."
"Have to at least try to-"
"No!"
He watched as he fell to the floor with loud sobs accompanying him. Ryan never looked worse in his life and Brendon knew exactly why. But still, how could this have happened? Didn't anyone at all hear his screams or anything?
Didn't anyone at least try to fucking help him?
He kneeled down next to Ryan and saw his eyes. Before, they had some trace of hope in them. Now, they were dark, numb, lifeless, cold..dead.
Ryan shook, then whispered, "I'm sorry. I really am. I know I should be crying right now, but I just.. I can't, you know? It's like this has been happening to me my whole life and I never really saw it that way till now.."
Bringing a hand up to his ski-mask clothed face, he continued, "I guess I deserve it, huh? I guess I was so bad that my own dad could not even spare me from this. So bad that he did this, took a shower, and left after he did it to me! Fuck, screw it all. It's obvious; I had it coming. I shouldn't have let my guard down like that.. Damn! I hate this; I hate myself, I hate my dad, I hate my fucking life!" he screamed out.
Brendon hugged him gently; trying his hardest not to puke at the strong smell of sex. A moment of silence passed, then Ryan muttered, "I can't do this anymore. I just fucking can't. I mean, look at me! I'm still stuck in my own past and I can't get out of it! Now, he does this to me and I should be breaking down, I should not be talking to you, I should be depressed, I should--I should not be like this!" he banged his wrist on the floor and took another deep breath, "He still controls me, Bren. By living in the past, he controls me. And this was my only chance to break free. He did this to help me, I believe, so he could finally move on..so I could move on. But I can't. He still controls me and he knows it. That's why he left. So he wouldn't have to control me anymore!"
"..But even though he's gone now, he still controls me. And he knows it. He still has this sick grip on me that I fear I will never escape."
The room was silent from there on as Brendon held him closely, but not tightly. Gently, but not softly.
"Ryan, it's me, Brendon!" he called out into the apartment, hoping to find him anywhere.
"Ryan!" after that one last time, Ryan said the first words he had spoken every since he had been raped. "Brendon, go down the hall. My bedroom is down the hall and don't, absolutely, do not let Jon in."
"Okay, Ryry." he screamed in response as he headed down the hall and found his bedroom door.
He knocked on it three times before Ryan had opened it.
At first, he was shocked. His best friend was completely covered and he reeked of sex. Yet, the worst was waiting for him when he entered the bedroom. Brendon felt his breath leave his throat.
Blood.. Ryan's.. No! It-mistake. It's all a mistake. Holy shit, there is fucking semen everywhere and blood.. So much blood. That motherfucker is fucking dead when I get my fucking hands on him! he thought in pure rage, disgust, pain for his friend, and utterly strong shock.
"Ryan-"
"Don't."
"But you-"
"No."
"Have to at least try to-"
"No!"
He watched as he fell to the floor with loud sobs accompanying him. Ryan never looked worse in his life and Brendon knew exactly why. But still, how could this have happened? Didn't anyone at all hear his screams or anything?
Didn't anyone at least try to fucking help him?
He kneeled down next to Ryan and saw his eyes. Before, they had some trace of hope in them. Now, they were dark, numb, lifeless, cold..dead.
Ryan shook, then whispered, "I'm sorry. I really am. I know I should be crying right now, but I just.. I can't, you know? It's like this has been happening to me my whole life and I never really saw it that way till now.."
Bringing a hand up to his ski-mask clothed face, he continued, "I guess I deserve it, huh? I guess I was so bad that my own dad could not even spare me from this. So bad that he did this, took a shower, and left after he did it to me! Fuck, screw it all. It's obvious; I had it coming. I shouldn't have let my guard down like that.. Damn! I hate this; I hate myself, I hate my dad, I hate my fucking life!" he screamed out.
Brendon hugged him gently; trying his hardest not to puke at the strong smell of sex. A moment of silence passed, then Ryan muttered, "I can't do this anymore. I just fucking can't. I mean, look at me! I'm still stuck in my own past and I can't get out of it! Now, he does this to me and I should be breaking down, I should not be talking to you, I should be depressed, I should--I should not be like this!" he banged his wrist on the floor and took another deep breath, "He still controls me, Bren. By living in the past, he controls me. And this was my only chance to break free. He did this to help me, I believe, so he could finally move on..so I could move on. But I can't. He still controls me and he knows it. That's why he left. So he wouldn't have to control me anymore!"
"..But even though he's gone now, he still controls me. And he knows it. He still has this sick grip on me that I fear I will never escape."
The room was silent from there on as Brendon held him closely, but not tightly. Gently, but not softly.