Looking Through Crystal

The man, Brian, bent over his bed holding a pillow tightly in his hand. For a moment, Jakob was frozen, unable to move from the bed, panic stricken. But then he leapt up, desperately trying to escape, only to be forced back down by Brian’s strong grip. The man’s hand was in the centre of his chest, and was built like a brick, pinning him down.

“I’m going to die” Jakob realised, “He’s going to kill me”

Brian slowly lowered the pillow over Jakob’s face, a cruel grin playing on his lips. He pressed it harder, smothering Jakob until his world spun and his head felt as though it was going to erupt in pain. He tried to draw a breath, feeling like his lungs were on fire, and finding his mouth full of even more material. Scrabbling in the darkness, Jakob tried desperately to plead with Brian.

“Lemme go” he attempted to say, only to find that he couldn’t speak. Still he battled, thrashing wildly, trying to free himself from the man’s grasp, feeling himself growing weaker. Water seemed to be roaring in his ears, the sound of life being sucked out of his body, drowning out Brian’s evil laugh. And then another voice

“Jakob” someone said worriedly, “Wake up, it’s all right”
Gasping for air, Jakob forced open his eyes, to find Adrienne holding him tightly. He was
drenched in sweat, and shaking like a frightened rabbit.

“Its okay” his mum said, “You were having a nightmare. It’s not real”

More than anything, he wanted to cling to her and make the disturbing images fade away into the shadows. But then the anger returned, when he remembered that her lies were the reason he hadn’t seen his Dad or brother in over a week and was unlikely to see them again. Her lies were the reason that his Uncle Mike had been round on two occasions to collect guitars, clothes and books, each time refusing to speak to Adrienne. He didn’t want her sympathy, he didn’t want her.

“Go away” he said, jerking out of her reach, “Just get lost will you?”

In the old days, he would never have been allowed to speak to his mother like that, but all the rules had changed now. There was no school, no regular mealtimes. Sometimes, between crying fits, Adrienne would put something in the microwave and talk about fresh starts while they ate it. But then they would remember, and Jakob would be alone again as she drifted upstairs like a zombie. He had taken to sitting in Joey’s room during these lonely hours, playing quietly with his soldiers and dragons the way the used to do together. It was comforting, to drift into a world where, whenever you are in any danger, you simply call on your fire-breathing friend.

“Okay, okay” Adrienne said sadly, “You sure you don’t want me to stay for a while”

“No” Jakob retorted, “Clear off”

He turned his back to her, listening to her slippers scratch across the wooden floor. After a couple of moments, when he was sure she had left, Jakob sat up in bed and reached for his torch. Going back to sleep wasn’t an option, he didn’t fancy another Brian dream. Flicking the torch’s switch, Jakob used its light to find an old photo album, coated in dust, under his bed. He opened it slowly, the dust drifting around the room and irritating his nose. Glancing through the pictures, Jakob felt a large lump form at the back of his throat. The photos became blurred, swimming before his eyes as he struggled not to cry. He clasped to album to his chest, willing his body to somehow become part of it, so that he could live in the happy scenes with his family forever. It was soothing, very, very soothing…

He awoke what felt like hours later, the book still in his arms. For a moment, Jakob was disorientated; unsure which parts of his dreams and nightmares were real, tangled up in reality. He thought for a moment, trying to decide what had woken him so abruptly. Then, an eruption of shouting filled his ears, grating voices zigzagging round the rooms. He burrowed under his quilt, his fingers jammed into his ears to block the noise. It didn’t do much good. Angry snippets from the conversation found their way to his hiding place.

“So you thought I’d never fucking find out did you…”

“Look, you’re making things a hundred times harder…”

“Shut the fuck up and get out of my house…”

Then the door was pushed open, and someone came over to Jakob’s bedside. For a moment, Jakob felt sure it was Brian, come from his nightmares to smother him. But it was only Mike, who if anything looked more frightened than he was.

“Alright mate?” he whispered, “Bet you can hear that lot from up here”

Jakob nodded mournfully, his uncombed hair flopping in front of his eyes. There were so many things he wanted to ask, yet felt he couldn’t. Mike was probably angry with him for keeping Crystal a secret, for hurting his Dad. He hadn’t meant to hurt anybody; he hadn’t meant to sneak around. He’d wanted to explain more than anything in the world, but Joey was so sure that it would split up their family, and he was right. Suddenly, Jakob felt an overwhelming ache for his big brother.

“Is Joey down there with the rest of them?” he asked Mike, “He doesn’t hate me does he”

Mike scratched the back of his head, obviously exhausted. He’d have been trying so desperately hard to sort out the whole mess, and now he was being dragged into a conflict in the dead of night.

“Yeah, he’s down there” he said sighing, “And he doesn’t hate you. He wanted to see you actually; it was his idea to come over. But maybe you should stop here with me for a while, and let them sort things out”

“Their not sorting anything out” Jakob said bitterly, “All they’re doing is yelling at each other”

He listened for a moment, to his surprise, hearing nothing. The house was deathly silent for the first time in a week. Jakob had become accustomed to furious phone calls and people storming back and forth to collect things. It was nice, peaceful even. It could have been any other night. If he imagined hard enough, he could almost hear his Dad snoring softly through the wall, the buzz from Joey’s room as he watched horror films he thought no one else knew about. And Jakob would never know that feeling again. Suddenly enraged, he leapt out of bed.

“I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG” he screamed, “I didn’t ask to find Crystal, I didn’t want my Dad to leave”

“I know” Mike said wearily, “It’s alright, none of this was your fault. Maybe they can sort something out”

Jakob thought about this. There had been arguments before, but things had always resolved themselves. But this was different; he was old enough to understand that. And the whole situation was his fault. He was the reason neither he, nor his brother, had a family any more. Jakob thought carefully. More than anything, he wanted someone to talk to, someone who would understand. There was Mike, but exhaustion and constant worry had made him less likely to be able to resolve anything. Neither of his parents were calm enough themselves to be able to help anyone else. And Joey was downstairs, amidst the chaos, probably as frightened as Jakob. Which left Crystal, the only family he had left.

“Uncle Mike” Jakob said, “Come with me, I want you to meet someone”

Twenty minutes later, they were stumbling blindly over bricks and debris. It was pitch black, without even the moon in the sky to light their way. Jakob reached out, grabbing Mike by the wrist and pulling him in the general direction of the crumbling flats.

“Maybe we should head back” Mike suggested, “We could go down during the day, when we can see where we’re going”

Jakob squinted, trying to make out exactly where they were.

“No” he said, “We have to go just now, we’re nearly there anyway”

He hoped he was right. Drizzly rain was beginning to soak through the thin coat he had thrown on over his pyjamas. The chill wind whipped around his ears, sending a shiver down his spine. He couldn’t believe that his sister, his flesh and blood, was forced to endure these conditions every single day.

“Alright Jakob” Mike said, “Here’s the old estate. Where do we go in?”

“Round this corner” Jakob answered, dragging him, “She’s always around here”
They slipped under the gaping hole in the wall, blinking as clouds of dust blew upwards. It looked completely deserted. The remaining windows had been smashed; more litter had been blown in.

“Crystal” Jakob shouted, choking on the vile fumes, “You in here?”

A small squeak sounded from among the rubble, followed by a loud crash. Jakob looked up a Mike, willing him to know what to do. He seemed dazed, as though he couldn’t quite believe Crystal was real. Jakob knew how he felt. It had taken a while for the revelation to sink in, but now that he was used to the idea, having a sister didn’t seem so bad. Only, he wished he still had a Dad.

“Right” Mike said, coming to his senses, “We’ll go in and have a proper look around, see if we can help your sister out”
It was reassuring to have someone else take charge, someone who understood. They edged into the wreckage, their feet scratching over old chip papers and broken glass, Jakob clinging grimly to his Uncle Mike’s hand. The walked to the clearest part of the old building and shouted again
“Crystal”

Yet more noisy bangs erupted, making Jakob’s chest tighten in fear. His hear was hammering, his mouth dry, as he followed the source of the crashes.

“Jakob” a familiar voice whispered, “That you?”

“Yeah” he hissed back, “Where are you?”

The dark, shadowy figure of Crystal rose from among a mountain of cardboard boxes. For a moment, Jakob felt an indescribable sense of relief that she was here. He felt sure that his Uncle Mike would be able to help now that he was completely sure she existed, and he could see how pathetic she looked. But his relief was short lived, when Crystal let out a high-pitched, heart-renching scream and felt to the floor. Jakob stood still, frozen in disbelief. He wanted to help, but something had his body stuck firmly to the floor boards. Mike dashed forwards, a look of horror on his face as he saw the scratches running down the length of Crystal’s cheeks and arms. She was deathly pale, worse and normal, and dripping wet.

“Call an ambulance Jakob” Mike shouted, throwing his mobile to him, “Hurry up”

Gasping, tears falling down his face, Jakob dialled the number.

“Emergency Services” a pleasant female voice said, “Which service do you require?”

“I…I need…an ambulance” Jakob managed to croak

He was put through to someone different.

“Is it a friend of yours pet?” the lady asked when he’d given them the address.

“No” Jakob said, “She’s my sister”