Shut Your Mouth and Get Down on the Floor

I tried not to think about him as I tried on wedding dresses, as I made invitations, as I talked to my family, as I helped Devin design a cake, as Devin and I slept together, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts.

Completely ignoring his calls, his texts, his persistence, was helping, though.

But all I could think about while doing things that should have made me the happiest person in the world was him. Of his kisses, his touch, all those nights we’d spent together. I hated that I couldn’t get him out of my head.

I felt like such a bitch. I’d just left him; I didn’t give him any answers. I should have been decent enough to give him a call and tell him that we couldn’t be and that I was getting married, but I was a downright bitch.

It was ten months after I’d last talked to him and he was still on my mind all the time. Vee and I were going out for dinner, just the two of us. The wedding was in three months. And I was afraid maybe three months wasn’t enough time to get over my feelings. I’d never felt so strongly about one person.

So I told her.

“Gabe. Saporta,” she just stared at me.

“Gabe Saporta,” I repeated, hoping she wouldn’t tell Devin. Oh she wouldn’t. She was my best friend and this was a secret.

“The one you slept with years ago after that Midtown concert?!”

“I told you I met him after Warped once...” I explained, looking around the room nervously to avoid eye contact with her.

“That was years ago too!”

I didn’t say anything.

“Don’t tell me...”

I looked right at her. “The last time I talked to him was ten months ago. He lives here in the city. We slept together a couple times after Warped.”

She nearly choked on her drink. “You cheated on Devin?”

I almost started to cry. “I’m sorry!!!”

“Don’t say that to me!”

“So should I tell him?”

“Well if you’ve still got feelings for Gabe, then you can’t get married to Devin! You’re just ignoring all your personal feelings that way! You’re going to explode.”

“I didn’t tell him we were getting married.”

“Poor guy,” she sighed.

“POOR GABE?!” I exploded. “No, Vee, poor me! I’m in love with a manwhore rocker, and I’m engaged to marry Devin!”

“You need to stop ignoring Gabe. You need to talk to him, you need to tell him you’re getting married. Then you need to be amicable with him.”

I started to cry.

“Look at me,” Vee said.

I did.

“You still love Devin don’t you?”

“More than anything.”

“Do you love him more than Gabe?”

“Of course,” I wasn’t sure if it was a lie or not.

“Then you need to talk to him. And you need to be friends with him. You can’t just ignore him. That would be bad.”

I nodded and suddenly felt like throwing up.

I was hoping to God that Gabe was on tour or something.

“After dinner you’re going to see him. I’ll tell Devin you went somewhere.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

“And if you can’t be amicable with him, you have to tell Devin,” she said.

I almost had a heart attack. I just nodded.

=+=

I got to Gabe’s house at around 9:30 at night. My heart was about to burst from my chest. I knocked on the door and hoped to God he wasn’t there.

But a second later I heard his voice call, “Be right there!”

Before he opened the door I started to cry.

He opened the door. His hair was a mess and he was only wearing boxers, pink ones with white hearts if I remember correctly.

“Mae, honey, what’s wrong?!” he cried and pulled me into his arms.

Ten months I’d been ignoring him and he still gave a damn about me. It only made me cry more.

“It’s okay,” he whispered and ran a hand through my hair, holding me to his chest. He still smelled the same. Spanish cologne.

I couldn’t stop crying to get a word out.

“Do you need somewhere to stay? Did you get hurt?” he asked, like he really, truly cared.

“I...I need to talk to you,” I gasped out.

He let me go and grabbed a box of tissues.

I wiped my eyes and he sat me down. “I’m listening.”

“I need you to just leave me alone.”

“I figured something was up. You’ve been completely ignoring me for almost a year,” he ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m getting married.”

“To Devin?” he tried to hide the hurt in his voice.

I nodded. “I love him Gabe. I don’t love you.”

I could tell he wanted to throw in a cocky comment. He knew damn well I loved him.

“You want me to leave you alone. I will if it’s what you want,” he looked at the ceiling.

“But I... we can be friends right?”

He laughed sarcastically. “I fear I’m too much of a temptation to you. I can ignore you. You’ll never see me again.”

“You promise?”

He nodded.

For a moment he just looked at me and the next moment our lips were devouring the other’s. We tasted each sweet kiss passionately, knowing it would be the last. I wanted him so badly, but I couldn’t give into temptation. He kissed me once more, his lips slowly leaving mine.

Then he hugged me and he said goodbye.

“Goodbye Gabe,” I whispered and let him go.

And then I left his apartment.

Instead of taking a cab home I decided to walk. Then it started to rain. I didn’t have a hood.

I walked through Time’s Square only to be confronted with a huge sign of Cobra Starship at the MTV studio.

I looked up, facing the rain, feeling the makeup run off my face.

“Is this a sign?!” I yelled up to the sign. I let people pass me and glare at me like I was a damn lunatic because I’ll admit that I am a lunatic.

“You said I’d never see you again, Gabe,” I muttered, still looking up at the sign.

Then I shook my head and called for a cab home.