Heart-Shaped Box

"You're writing good love songs again, I've noticed," Kurt commented at the studio.

Kemmy raised her eyebrows. "So?"

"So there's a new guy, right?"

She avoided the question. "That's really none of your business."

"But I'm right, aren't I? How long have you two been together?"

"Again, that's --"

"You really shouldn't have been so mad at me for cheating on you, when you were the one who'd been cheating first...for a long longer than I had, I might add." Kurt looked at her coldly. "It's Billie Joe, isn't it?"

"No," Kemmy snapped back, truthfully. "I never cheated on you with him. I was tempted to, but I didn't."

"It's not going to do you any good to lie to me now," Kurt replied bitterly. "Lying worked before, but why can't we just be honest with each other now that we're not together?"

"Fine. Let me be honest." Kemmy glared at him. "The only time I ever lied to you, Kurt, was when I said that I loved you."

The words hit Kurt like a slap in the face. It took him a moment to recover. "Okay then," he said, sounding hurt. "Well, I actually meant it once... but I guess I should have known better than to think you ever did." He waited a moment before adding, "I didn't mean to make you mad. The only reason I was asking about the new songs was because I just wondered what changed in your life."

Kemmy's expression softened. "It was the wake-up call, Kurt. I was living a lie. I'm still not sure if my life is complete just yet, but... I'm starting to realize I can't live and love within the lines and boundaries." She smiled. "I know I've always seemed like a rebel to everybody - but we all have our heart-shaped boxes, and I'm out of mine."

Kurt put a hand on her shoulder. "I hope you find that someone or something that completes you, Kem. See, I wanted to talk to you before I left for San Diego... but it was nice knowing you."

Kemmy's face brightened. "Be sure to write when you get there."

Kurt hugged her. "Seeing you back to normal reminds me of why I fell in love with you," he whispered.

She laughed and shook her head. "Just go, kay?" As he started to leave, she called, "And I hope you find that someone too!"

*~*~*

Kurt sat down at his desk, pulled out a pen and paper, and began to write.

"I came back because I wanted to prove myself wrong, or right, I'm not sure which now. I thought that just because you lose yourself and your passion, your life was dead and not worth living. I mean, it's like I said... better to burn out than fade away, right?

I was looking for evidence, whether it would point to one thing or another.

It's like a friend of mine said. We live in a world where love and hate breathe the same air. It's not all about the passion and the glamour and the exciting. If you live for that, you won't be happy.

In the short time I've known Michael, he's taught me so much about purpose and life. So has Kemmy, but in other ways.

I wasn't perfect before, and I'm not perfect now, but I've definitely changed a lot - for the better.

I used to be hateful towards people. Now I'm not. There's good in all of us, yeah, but now I know there's a reason. Life makes so much more sense now.

So before I go, I just wanted to say thanks Mike, for everything. And thanks Kemmy - you've taught me so much about passion.

Oh, and one last thing. Kem, I want you to meet a few friends of mine. Even though I'm not going to San Diego, you should... if Mike's not in town, that's where you'll find him. Who knows, maybe you'll fill that void in your heart.

I know as soon as I finish writing this, my time here will be over, but before it is, I have one more thing to say.

Peace, love, empathy
Kurt Cobain"

Kurt smiled, and pulled the trigger.

*~*~*

"He's dead."

"NO! YOU'RE LYING!"

"Kemmy, calm down..."

"SHUT UP!"

Kemmy ran off in tears, jumping into her car and driving off.

She flung open the door and ran to Kurt's room, only to find the police reading the suicide note and a pool of blood.

"W-what happened?"

"We weren't able to locate a body, but it appears as though a shooting has taken place--"

It didn't make sense.

*~*~*

Tre, Cassie, Mike, Billie Joe, and Kemmy all gathered around the monument to Kurt, as well as a few other people who Kemmy didn't recognize.

"He seemed okay when I talked to him," Kemmy said bitterly.

"That's common," Mike said. "You don't know there's anything wrong until after it happens."

"But why?"

Tre put a hand on the monument. "I'll miss ya man."

Kemmy stayed until Tre and Mike left, and Billie Joe came up beside her.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I know you and him were pretty close... I mean, he mentioned you in the letter, didn't he?"

"Yeah. He was a good friend." Kemmy couldn't stop the tears. "I guess he had to go back at some point... He said he came back looking for something, and I guess since he found it, he had to go back..."

They stood silent, remembering him for a while.

The trees rustled gently with the wind, which aside from the low voices of the other mourners, was the only noise.