Everything Changes

It was twelve when Mrs. Perkes called me, and by one we had found nothing. Brian had called the police and involved them; they weren't much help saying that they had to be missing for more than twenty-four hours for them to actually be considered missing, or even worth looking for.
"Babe why don’t you go home and rest, we'll keep looking and if we find anything I'll call you." Matt said after about another handful of tears shed, on my part.
"I can't Matt; I just can't go there and wait for news. I have to be here." I demanded.
"Johnny," Matt called over to the short man standing with his head down and cigarette in his mouth. His head shot up, connecting eyes with Matt, letting out a hoarse 'yeah'. "Take Mattie home and put her to bed, watch her closely, please.
Johnny stomped out his cigarette, before pulling Mattie out of my arms, with out hassle or even waking her.
"Let me know if you find them." He said smiling, gently. I nodded before walking over to Matt. My hand grasped his, and he pulled me into him.
"We'll find them." I nodded know we'd find them but I feared what we'd find. If it'd be my boys or if something bad had happened.

"MATT." Brian yelled. "O my god MATT." Matt dropped my hand and dashed off; I was behind him, running as fast as my legs could carry me.
"Oh God no." Matt's voice trailed back to me. He ran up to a chain link fence, it encircled an old beat up basketball court. Brian was on the other side with Jimmy and Zacky. Jimmy was squatting over some one as well as Brian, Zacky how ever just paced back and forth, teary eyes. Matt and I entered the court but didn’t stop, my breath caught in my throat. My babies were lying on the ground. Mark's wheel chair had rolled away from his body and was lying a few feet way from it. The back of his head bleeding, a small puddle laid on the ground, his chest rose and fell slightly. Rickie how ever didn’t move, he's skin pale, almost lifeless and he laid in a pool of blood. I couldn’t take in much more; my eyes were glazed over with tear. As I stared on at my babies. Matt turned to me and then cradled me into his chest, slowly rocking me, he was saying something but I couldn’t make anything out. Brian had told him something and I missed that, and Jimmy's conversation to someone on the phone.

---

Police was buzzing by, in and out of rooms. I had been in Matt's arms the entire time since we had found them. I had managed to calm my self enough to hear that it appeared to be gang violence, yet again my Mark had been subjected to this kind of abuse. And Rickie, oh Rickie my baby Rickie. He would never get to smile again, never be able to dribble a ball again, never again to talk, never to breathe.
My world had all but collapsed, my children need their mother, and I need Matt. I couldn’t snap, the doctor's said Mark would be fine, it was a small wound, no concussion. But though I felt relief that my baby would be able to live another day, I was dead on the inside, Rickie was not my son, no but he was much more than that. I felt as if he was my personal angel.
My angel who not only brought my son back to life, saved me from insanity, and helped raise Mattie. I knew he'd be missed, my family, Matt's band. I just didn’t know how much he'd be missed. My heart ached for him, he never got a break. The only break he got was dieing, though it sounds bad, I know that he might have been happy living with my and my family, but I knew it was a torment because we weren't his family. No matter how much we wanted to be, we just weren’t.
I was told by several people I was stupid taking him in, they said I regret it. My family would end up hurt, as he just disappeared. Taking some of our stuff with him. I just could help but laugh at them. but they were right, my family is hurt, he's gone and never coming back, and yes he took nothing physical but he took a piece of me with him. The only thing I can say they were wrong about was I never can bring my self to regret it, any of it. I know it sound heartless that I would subject my children to hurt like that. But I knew Mattie was to young to understand, and Mark he would heal, but I didn’t know how well he would heal, or me for that matter.

---

The funeral was a torment to me, Mark, Matt, and the guys. I had never seen a man Matt's size in tears before, but there's always a first for everything. I didn’t want to leave the cemetery, I just really couldn’t just leave him there alone, I know I sounded insane. But burring my child was something I just couldn’t take.
"God," Matt's breath trailed over my neck, as he stood behind me, watching me carefully. My tears hit the fresh dirt, and absorbed into it. "I miss my son already." Matt said, his hands wrapped around my waist pulling me into him, he might not have been around for the whole time Rickie stayed with me, but he helped pull the kid together, helped him understand the real meaning of family.
When the words escaped Matt's mouth, my tears trailed down my cheeks, and my body shook with every sob that left my body, I was breaking and I couldn’t stop it. Death was never something I could take and now it was killing me.
Rickie was my lesson in life to never to take anything for granted. And he was the perfect thing that change my life for ever. This is his chapter out of our book of life.
Rickie.