If Words Are But Words
A a scar away from falling apart
FRANK’S POV
Oh god, how do I explain that. How do I explain anything. I had my suspicions for a while but I hoped I was just paranoid. Why is all that echoed through my head. God why, Ian. I just wanted to slap him across the face but hold him close to me at the same time, my life is a spin cycle and this a cold load.
I had arrived to see Jade playing with Ian’s hair and humming Moon Dance to him and now this? What the hell do I do?
“Wh-what do we do?” Jade asked, shaking so much I could notice from where I was sitting a good meter away from him.
“I, I don’t know” I replied, honestly not knowing.
“Should we wake him or...sh-t what do we do Frank?!” Jade was freaking out, I had no idea what to do and was freaking out just as much as he was but managed to remain looking relatively calm.
Ian groaned and blinked slowly, he sat up and fell back into Jade slumped body.
“Jade” Ian smiled resting his face on Jade’s chest. What is it with Ian? Davey pushes him away so he just instantly decides he’s in love with Jade? I shuddered, annoyed.
“Ian, um can I talk to you?” Jade asked, lowly.
IAN’S POV
Oh god, he’s going to ask me about the cuts. Crap, sh-t, f-ck what do I say. Oh god I’m so screwed, f-ck.
“Uh, sure” I replied, acting like everything was perfectly fine.
“Oh, um, ok I’m just gonna um...go...back to the um, bus...yeah” Frank stuttered, uncomfortably. I watched him walk off and round the corner.
“So...uh, what’s up?” I asked, knowing full well what he was going to say.
“Maybe you should get off me...” Jade paused. I tried to hide my hurt but got off him anyway. I turned to face him, cross-legged.
“So...?” I urged, wanting to get this over with so he could just leave me alone to wallow in my own self-pity.
“I’m only gonna ask this once and I want you try reply honestly, ok?” he said, looking serious.
“Um, ok?” I replied, still going with the ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ story.
“How did you get those cuts?” he stared directly into my eyes with sheer focus, not letting them wander for a second.
I stumbled, what do I say?
“Ian” Jade still didn’t move, he remained staring, waiting for my reply. I leaned forward and put my face in my hands. I didn’t want this, I just wanted to be normal, normal and loved. Clearly that was too much to ask.
I remained with my head in my hands, not looking at Jade for even a moment.
I felt warmth surround me, I removed my hands and looked up, Jade had me in a tight hug, as if expecting to be some super human with a barrier nothing could protrude into.
“Jade...” I murmured, my head resting on his chest, so close, I was so close to him I could hear his heart beat.
“Mhm” he replied, holding me close to him, his lips millimeters from mine.
“You...” I paused, “You can’t save me” I finished softly then gently pushed him off me. I stood up and walked off down the cracked pavement inside just wanting to turn around and run back into his arms.
“Ian!” he shouted after me, I heard him scuffle to get up but I didn’t look back.
I heaved a sigh wondering why the hell I’d just done that, easily the biggest mistake of my life. Ian, you are an idiot and absolute idiot, I silently screamed at myself.
I hated me, how the hell could anyone like me, he’s lying, playing with my feeling like they’re playdough, easily manipulated. My feeling are but playdough in his hands, you know the crumbly stuff no-one wants to play with. Everyone wants the new stuff, the bright stuff, the clean stuff, the good-smelling stuff, the...the undamaged stuff.
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Title taken from "The [After] Life of the Party" by Fall Out Boy
Oh god, how do I explain that. How do I explain anything. I had my suspicions for a while but I hoped I was just paranoid. Why is all that echoed through my head. God why, Ian. I just wanted to slap him across the face but hold him close to me at the same time, my life is a spin cycle and this a cold load.
I had arrived to see Jade playing with Ian’s hair and humming Moon Dance to him and now this? What the hell do I do?
“Wh-what do we do?” Jade asked, shaking so much I could notice from where I was sitting a good meter away from him.
“I, I don’t know” I replied, honestly not knowing.
“Should we wake him or...sh-t what do we do Frank?!” Jade was freaking out, I had no idea what to do and was freaking out just as much as he was but managed to remain looking relatively calm.
Ian groaned and blinked slowly, he sat up and fell back into Jade slumped body.
“Jade” Ian smiled resting his face on Jade’s chest. What is it with Ian? Davey pushes him away so he just instantly decides he’s in love with Jade? I shuddered, annoyed.
“Ian, um can I talk to you?” Jade asked, lowly.
IAN’S POV
Oh god, he’s going to ask me about the cuts. Crap, sh-t, f-ck what do I say. Oh god I’m so screwed, f-ck.
“Uh, sure” I replied, acting like everything was perfectly fine.
“Oh, um, ok I’m just gonna um...go...back to the um, bus...yeah” Frank stuttered, uncomfortably. I watched him walk off and round the corner.
“So...uh, what’s up?” I asked, knowing full well what he was going to say.
“Maybe you should get off me...” Jade paused. I tried to hide my hurt but got off him anyway. I turned to face him, cross-legged.
“So...?” I urged, wanting to get this over with so he could just leave me alone to wallow in my own self-pity.
“I’m only gonna ask this once and I want you try reply honestly, ok?” he said, looking serious.
“Um, ok?” I replied, still going with the ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’ story.
“How did you get those cuts?” he stared directly into my eyes with sheer focus, not letting them wander for a second.
I stumbled, what do I say?
“Ian” Jade still didn’t move, he remained staring, waiting for my reply. I leaned forward and put my face in my hands. I didn’t want this, I just wanted to be normal, normal and loved. Clearly that was too much to ask.
I remained with my head in my hands, not looking at Jade for even a moment.
I felt warmth surround me, I removed my hands and looked up, Jade had me in a tight hug, as if expecting to be some super human with a barrier nothing could protrude into.
“Jade...” I murmured, my head resting on his chest, so close, I was so close to him I could hear his heart beat.
“Mhm” he replied, holding me close to him, his lips millimeters from mine.
“You...” I paused, “You can’t save me” I finished softly then gently pushed him off me. I stood up and walked off down the cracked pavement inside just wanting to turn around and run back into his arms.
“Ian!” he shouted after me, I heard him scuffle to get up but I didn’t look back.
I heaved a sigh wondering why the hell I’d just done that, easily the biggest mistake of my life. Ian, you are an idiot and absolute idiot, I silently screamed at myself.
I hated me, how the hell could anyone like me, he’s lying, playing with my feeling like they’re playdough, easily manipulated. My feeling are but playdough in his hands, you know the crumbly stuff no-one wants to play with. Everyone wants the new stuff, the bright stuff, the clean stuff, the good-smelling stuff, the...the undamaged stuff.
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Title taken from "The [After] Life of the Party" by Fall Out Boy