Cannibal Red

Tyler really must have had some crazy ideas in his lifetime to get this one. This massive; huge, bulging plan. It’s like when my Auntie Rachel fell pregnant, it sounded good, but everyone was shitting themselves.
Siberia was so far away from Australia, so far away from everything. All I had were costumes, wigs, hair dye, and make-up. How was I going to survive in Siberia, what was the weather even like? How did Tyler even know we were going to be safe there?

I look up from my seat at the airport, Tyler made a good woman, really, and although I knew beneath that fake smile he was squirming to get out of the dress I had made him get into.
Hector looked as he always did, because he refused to have anything put on him. And anyway, everyone thought he was dead because the amount of time he had spent underground under, uh, Adrienne’s shower.
For a split second I wondered why Adrienne had been so close to such a cold man. He was so broken.

“Alright, so the plan is to get to Siberia without being traced,” Tyler whispers in my ear as he, well, she; sat down and pretended to look through “her” handbag.

I couldn’t help but shiver as his hot breath tickled my shoulder, and I wondered whether Tyler felt the same way he did a year ago.
He must love me…oh, please, let him love me.

“You’re going to go in with me, and we’re going to pretend to be sisters going to a wedding. My name is Ana,” I start giggling at this, but I try to keep my composure. “And you’re going to be Charlie.”

Tyler lifts his head from his handbag and sighs, his eyes removing themselves from the growing crowd of people going to board our plane and fixating on me.

I felt horribly naked under his eyes. I felt tired, scared, withdrawn from the world that had left me so far behind a year ago.
I felt myself leaning my head on Tyler’s shoulder, forgetting anything that might have stopped me from doing this before.

“No…” he whispers, nudging me with his shoulder, sending me the message that I didn’t want to hear right now. My stomach tightened at his words, a bucket of disappointment pouring over my head.

I had hoped that Ty had loved me just the way he did when I left him. But I really had screwed this all up now, I’d lost him, I’d lost Adrienne, and by losing Adrienne, I’d lost Hector.
I felt just as lonely as I had before, almost more.

On the plane I dreamt that Adrienne was with us, she’d run up to me, hug me, and grin. But as I held her hands tightly, she slipped away; her hands started to turn into sand and her body was shriveling up into grains that I only hoped would turn back into my crazy friend.
But she didn’t come back; she stayed as a pile of nothing.
I cried so much I didn’t think I’d have anymore tears left for my entire life. I’d sucked myself dry.

“Lee…”

I open one eye. The tears were still there.

“Lee, are you okay?”

I turn my gaze to look at Tyler, who looked worried beyond belief. I wasn’t sure whether it was the fact that I probably looked like shit, or that I must have driven attention to us.

“What is it Lee? Why are you crying?”

I bite my lip and mumble; “Adrienne…she’s gone, isn’t she?”

Tyler’s eyes suddenly look misty, his eyebrows knit together and I can see he’s trying to figure out a way to speak to me without me crying on him again.

“Yeah, she’s gone,” He places a finger on my cheek and smiles softly. “But she’ll be fine, she’ll come right back to us.”

I knew he was lying. He had that distant look in his eyes, like he knew he was lying, but was trying to trick himself into believing his own stupid lies.

“Don’t smile like that.” I mutter, frowning at him. His eyes drop from my face, but the grin was still attached to his mouth.

“Lee…”

“No,” I whisper, leaning my head close to his. “Why won’t you look at me the way you used to, the way that I want you to?”

It felt like the world had frozen, god had taken all the sound, all the motion out of the world and left it as a tasteless cake, stripped of anything good, leaving only the things that keep it together, if only for a while.
Tyler’s eyes darted back and forth between my own, his mind buzzing.

“I can’t do this.”

I glare at him, moving closer to him as he sat back in his seat, in an attempt to pull us back to reality. But I wanted answers.

“Believe it or not, you were the only thing I thought about for a year while I was gone.”

Tyler snorted. “What? While you were out seducing men you hardly know?”
He turned to me, his face stone cold.

“Honestly, I thought you were better than that. The look on your face when you saw me back at that bar; you didn’t know who I was until I said your name.”

And in one swift motion as he got up to walk to the other side of the plane, I knew he was only here for Adrienne.

He didn’t love me.

Tyler Morgan, didn’t love me.