The Ghost of You

"I never said I’d lie and wait for you forever. If I died we’d be together. I can’t always just forget her, but she could try."

I sat on the hard hospital chair next to her bed for hours, holding her hand. She was asleep, but I couldn’t leave her. I needed to be there. I was going to stay with her until the end.

The doctors said she had almost no chance of living. A tear slipped from my eye. She was too young to die. She was only 35, and we had only been married for 7 years. I was too young to lose her. I wanted to be with her, no matter what, but I couldn’t go where she was going.

I didn’t know what I was going to do without her. She was my everything. How could I keep on living? I wished that she would try harder to live, but she had already given up. Her eyes fluttered open.

"Get the feeling that you’re never all alone, and I remember now, at the top of my lungs in my arms she dies."

“Sarah,” I whispered, squeezing her hand.

“Nate,” she said roughly. I knew it hurt her to talk. “I can’t do this anymore.” Her face was so twisted in pain that I almost couldn’t bear to look at her. I knew it was over.

“Please. Don’t go yet.”

“I’m sorry. It hurts too much.” She barely moved her lips as she talked. Her eyes were sharp and glassy.

“I can’t live on without you,” I said desperately, stroking her hand. “I’ll be all alone.”

“You’re never all alone,” she assured me, giving my hand a feeble squeeze. “I’ll be with you. I promise.”

“It’s not fair. We didn’t get a chance to grow old together.”

“Life isn’t fair. And neither is death,” she replied. She was always so full of wisdom, even on her death bed. Then she winced.

“I love you Sarah. I always will.” I hugged her as gently as I could, and kissed her.

“I love you too Nathan.” And they were the last words she spoke. Right there in my arms, she died. I let out a wail and screamed at the top of my lungs.

"At the end of the world, or the last thing I see. You are never coming home, never coming home… never coming home, never coming home."

Doctors rushed into the room and pulled me away from my wife as I yelled. It was the end of my world. The last thing I saw was Sarah’s pale, dead face before I blacked out.

"And all the things that you never ever told me, and all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me. Never coming home, never coming home. Could I? Should I?"

I woke up in a hospital bed. Familiar faces surrounded me. Their mouths moved, but I didn’t hear them. Memories of Sarah and me flashed before my eyes.

I could almost feel her lips on mine, like when she had kissed me on our wedding day. She was the most beautiful woman in the world in her simple white dress…

I remembered the day we had stood above a cliff. Her blonde hair blowing in the wind, her bright, happy blue eyes. She was laughing and smiling. She didn’t know her life would be so short.

I remembered sitting next to her as she held our baby for the first time.

I wondered why fate had suddenly taken her life. It was a cruel, sick thing. I thought about all of the things she never got to tell me, all of the smiles I’d never get to see, all of the laughs I’d never get to hear, all of the kisses we’d never get to share. It was just too much.

"And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me, and all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me."

I would have died for her. I would have taken her place in front of that car. I would have felt all of her pain, if only she could have lived.

"Never coming home, never coming home."

My brother wanted to drive me home. I mindlessly followed him to the car, but I knew my house wouldn’t feel like home without Sarah.

My son rushed towards me, screaming, “Daddy! Daddy! When’s mommy coming home?”

I fell to my knees and pulled him into a tight hug. He was all I had left. “She’s never coming home,” I whispered. He wailed, and hugged me back. “She wants to, Alex, but she can’t,” He cried even harder, and I cried with him. “Don’t worry. We’ll see her again someday.”