We Couldn't Change It If We Tried

"Dani," I whispered, standing to lean over her, still holding her hand. "Dani, baby?" I looked at her hand, hoping it would move again. But there was nothing. I sighed, sitting down again. Maybe I had imagined it. I had really wanted her to move, to wake up. I groaned. "Dani, please. This has seriously gone on long enough. You need to wake up. I miss you." I stared hard at her, hoping she'd sense the look and wake up to tell me she was going to gouge my eyes out for looking at her like that, or something. Noting. I sighed. "Come on Dani," again, tears formed in my eyes. I put my hand on her forehead, running it back over her hair. For the first time, I noticed a cut on the side of her head. It was starting to heal a bit, but only barely. It looked really painful. I cringed, seeing it. This was all my fault. "Dani," I whispered, kissing her cheek. "I am so sorry. This never would have happened if I had just told you. I should have told you. I'm so sorry Dani. But you really need to wake up. We need you. I need you. I can't go on without you. We're the dynamic duo, always prevailing when all else fails. Are you really going to make this a solo story? If you wake up right now, I'll wheelchair race with you. I'll do anything. Please Danielle. Just wake up." The tears were coming freely now. And I couldn't bring myself to care. I put my forehead on her hand, kissing it softly.

"Joseph," Kevin's voice said as I felt his hand on my shoulder. I looked up at him, not saying anything, not bothering to wipe my face. I saw Nick standing a few steps behind Kevin. "It'll be okay."

I nodded, still not saying anything. I just turned back to face Dani.

"Joe, why don't you go get coffee or something," Nick suggested.

"I'm not leaving her," I said.

"Joe, you really need to rest," Kevin said. "Just go take a nap or something. Exhausting yourself and not getting better isn't helping Dani."

I sighed, knowing he was right. But I couldn't leave Dani. "I'm not tired," I yawned involuntarily.

"Right," Nick rolled his eyes. "Your room is right next door. Kevin can come with you. And I'll sit here, watching her, until you get back."

"Fine," I said, getting up slowly. I kissed Dani on the forehead. "I'll be back soon baby. Be good for Nickiepooh." I heard Nick growl behind me. I turned back to my brothers, walking to the door. "So how'd you guys get here anyway," I asked. "Didn't mom say you guys couldn't come yet? And why isn't Blair here? Didn't she beat you down until you brought her to see Dani?" Kevin and Nick exchanged a look, not saying anything. "What," I demanded.

"Blair's gotten too slow," Kevin admitted. "We had to leave her behind."

"Oh man," I said. "What did you guys do?"

"Kevin put Blair to sleep," Nick said. "Then we made mom come into Kevin's closest, since it was the only one with a lock."

"Oh no," I laughed. "You didn't!"

"Dad was all for us coming," Kevin said defensively. "He would have come himself, but he had to let mom out in 15 minutes."

I laughed. "You guys are becoming like me and Dani. That's definitely something we'd do."

"We're not insane," Kevin stuck his tongue out at me.

"Yeah," Nick added. "We had to do what we had to do to come see Dani. We love her too."

I smiled, feeling gratitude towards my brothers. "I'll be back in 15 minutes," I said to Nick. "Let's go Kevo. You can read me a bedtime story."

"Or not," he mumbled as we left the room.

[♦♦♦]

"Hey Dani," I said, moving closer to her to take her hand. "It's Nick. I know you can't reply, but you can probably hear me right? If I know you, you're probably screaming right now, trying to wake up. I'm not going to lie to you and say that everything's okay. Because it's not. It's further from okay than you can imagine. Everything's a mess – Joe especially. We need you Dani. We need you bossiness, and your insanity, and your presence. We need you in our lives. And us Jonases, well we don't take anything for granted. We'll do anything to keep you with us. But we're also selfish when it comes to you. If you think we're going to give up on you, you've got another thing coming. We plan on keeping you forever, whether you like it or not. And we need you to come back and fix everything. We need you to wake up for us." I was shocked as tears formed in my eyes. I hadn't meant to get so emotional, but Dani brought out weird things in – well everyone. "Dani, I know you're smart. I know you know that if you leave us, Joe won't be able to make it alone. The best case would be the drinking again, and that would be if we were lucky. You guys are so unbelievably joined. I mean, if you don't make it, I know he won't either. You have to wake up Dani. If not for you, at least for him. He needs you."

I stopped, seeing no response. Obviously, that tactic wasn't working. I decided to try something else. "You've been getting presents up the butt, man. We're literally running out of room in the house. Frankie actually got lost in them this morning. It's crazy! There was this really weird one. It was a picture of you – in your room. Well, it was drawn. But like everything was where it was supposed to be. I'm pretty sure you don't have pictures anywhere from in your room. It was creepy. There was a note with it. I wanted to read it, but my mom said I couldn't. But obviously you've gotten yourself a stalker, you stud you." I playfully nudged her, hoping she'd wake up and punch me in the face or something. Nothing.

I sighed, sitting back.

"Honey, I'm home," Joe ran into the room. "Any improvements," he asked me.

"Sorry," I shook my head.

"Joe, we're going to go now," Kevin said.

I cringed. "No need to keep mom waiting any longer." I turned to Dani. "This is probably goodbye, since you'll never see us again." Joe snapped, and hit my arm. Hard. "Ow," I complained. "I meant mom was going to kill us. Maniac," I mumbled.

[♦♦♦]

Joe's a mess. I cringed internally. This was all my fault. If I hadn't stopped fighting in the beginning, I would be up with him. We would be fully together, getting ready for our baby.

I listened as Nick and Kevin left. Joe took my hand. "Did Nick bother you too much," he asked, slight humor to his voice. Yes, I thought.

"I love you Dani," he whispered, tears falling on my face again. He gently wiped them off. I heard him hiss. "This is all my fault. All these casts and bruises and cuts. Danielle, I am so sorry." I wanted to reach out and comfort him. I had been so close before when I felt his head near my hand. But a small movement was all I got. And then I couldn't do it again. I felt Joe lean close to me. "Danielle, I'm here with you till the end. Even if this is all my fault." His head was against my hand.

This made me angry. This wasn't his fault. It was mine! I was weak. My love wasn't great enough to wake me up when he woke up. I would have to make that the past. When I woke up, Joe would be the core thought in my mind always – even more than he already was. I was willing to give my life for him – but it still wasn't enough. But here he was, waking up, hoping to find me awake too, and blaming himself because I wasn't. It made me so mad.

With all my might, I reached out and hit his head. Hard. I did it! I heard him gasp as he jumped up. "Danielle," his voice broke, unsure.

With all the force in my body, I fought to open my eyes. Still nothing. "Dani, baby, are you there?"

"Of course I'm here you ding dong," I said. And then I gasped. That was supposed to be a thought. It had actually come out. I spoke!

Slowly, my eyes opened, revealing Joe's earnest face leaning over me. I smiled, his face seeming so much more beautiful than I remembered.

"Dani," his voice rang, relieved. His lips were suddenly on mine, his hand on my cheek. "Dani, I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," I said, thinking his lips had left mine way too soon.

"How could you even think about giving up," he scolded me.

"How could you think this was all your fault," I retaliated.

"That's not the same thing," he said. "This was my fault. But thinking that wouldn't make you leave me."

"No it wasn't," I said firmly. He looked at me, waiting for an answer. I sighed. "I wasn't going to live without you."

He shook his head, disapprovingly. Then his lips were back on mine. "Dani, I love you so much."

"I love you too Joe," I thought, trying to wrap him arms around him. But a cast stopped me. I sighed, looking my body over. I had a cast on my arm and another one on my leg. And my whole body felt numb.

He saw me looking at my casts. I heard him take a sharp breath before smiling at me. "This may become a problem," he said, his eyes on my cast. "But, lucky for you, I'm super Joe, and I'll be able to carry you everywhere."

I laughed. It felt good to be up again. Correction. It felt good to be up with Joe again.