We Couldn't Change It If We Tried

There was no news. The doctors hadn't told us anything yet. We sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours, waiting for them to tell me the love of my life was dead, to tell me that I had no reason for living. I had my head in my hands, resting on my knees as I sat in the waiting room chair. All around me my family sat, waiting for news. Outside the hospital, thousands of fans had gathered, hoping, praying that Dani was okay. But did any of them know her? Did anyone ever know her like I did? Would they feel her lose like I would? Would they understand when I lost the will to live? Would anyone ever feel the same? No. Nobody would grieve for her like I would. And now, as I sat with no tears coming down, no tears for a girl who would probably kill me for showing them, I had prepared myself to grieve. I knew it was pointless. No amount of time, no amount of preparation would help when the doctors came out with the news, telling me I had lost my life.

"Hey," I heard a small voice say.

I looked up to see a puffy red eyed Blair sitting next to me. It was obvious she had been crying. Dani was her sister. But more than her sister, she was her daughter, her best friend, her everything. Even Kevin didn't have as much space in Blair's heart as Dani did. "Hi," I said, hugging her. Blair, I knew, was the one person who knew how I felt, who felt even close to how I did.

"How are you doing," she asked. I shrugged, not saying anything else. She sighed, pulling away, and wiping her face with a tissue. "You can tell me Joe. I can relate a bit, you know."

I sighed. "It's – hard. I can't lose her, Blair. And everyone keeps saying things, telling me to have faith, to pray. But – I don't want to. I can't anymore. I just want her okay, with me, and--" I stopped, unable to go on.

She nodded, understandingly. "Joe, do you believe she's going to be okay?"

"She lost a lot of blood," I sighed. "And the baby. And the doctors haven't come out yet, and—"

"That's not what I asked," she smiled at me weakly. "Do you believe that my little sister is going to make it through this?"

I looked away. "I – I don't know."

"Yes you do," she said. She touched my chest. "Don't listen to all the reasons why she won't be okay. Listen to what you wish for. Listen to that voice. Cause that's the voice, the power, the faith that's going to get Danielle through this."

I hugged her, feeling the weight of her words on my shoulders. "She's going to make it through this," I said firmly. "I know she can."

She smiled at me. "Then I'm not worried for her."

"Hey guys," Kevin came over, two cups of coffee in his hands. "Here."

"Thanks," I said as we took it. Kevin wrapped his arm around Blair, and for a split second, I couldn't stop myself from feeling a little jealous. Blair was okay. Kevin could hold her in his arms, could know she was safe. But I couldn't do that with Dani. I had to wait for the doctors to tell me. I had to hope she was okay.

"She'll be okay Joe," Kevin said, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I smiled weakly at him. "I know," I said, the confidence Blair had given me still in my voice.

"Finally," my mom said as the doctor came towards us. We all stood. "So what is it?"

The doctor sighed, looking at me. "She's alive." I fell back, my knees giving away. Kevin and Nick were immediately on either side of me, holding me up. I heard everyone let of a sigh of relief.

"And the baby," my dad asked, echoing all of our thoughts.

"It's a miracle," the doctor smiled at us. "The bullet hit just above the placenta."

I sighed again. The baby was okay. My family was okay. "But," the doctor said, causing my breath to stop.

"But what," I demanded.

"But the shock of it has sent her into an early labor," he said, grief in his voice.

We all gasped. "What are we going to do?"

"We need to perform a C-section," the doctor announced.

"So do it," Dani's mother cried. "Save my baby."

"The problem is that an early C-section could possibly endanger the mother's life," he said. "We could try, but –"

"No," I said. Nothing was going to hurt her. Nothing.

"It's up to you guys," the doctor said. "Do you want us to save the baby, or the mother? But you need to decide soon. Before it's too late. I'll give you a few moments."

He stepped away. "We need to save Danielle," Blair said.

"But if we try for the baby," Dani's mother added. "We could save both of them."

"He said it was only a possibility to endanger Dani," my mom added.

"I want Dani," Frankie whined.

One by one, everyone added their opinions. Some were for Dani, some for trying the baby and hopefully saving her too. I didn't say anything, just staring at my shoes. Either way, I was condemning half my family to death. Only Nick was quiet too. "I think it should be Joe's choice," he said quietly.

Everyone but me twirled their heads to look at him. I continued to stare at my shoes. "She's my sister," Blair said. "I should have as much say. Joe isn’t the only person to have a claim on her."

"We all love her," Nick said. "She's the bright spot in all our lives. She's our sister, my parent's and your mom's daughter, she's part of our life, our family." He sighed, putting his hand on my shoulder. "But in case you guys haven't noticed, Joe and Dani are practically the same being. Their love for each other can't even begin to compare to any of ours. If anyone should decide this, it's him."

I looked at him, my face pained. "Nick, I – I can't –"

Kevin put his hand on my other shoulder. "Nick's right," he said. "You can do this. You have to do this."

I looked around at everyone's faces. They smiled at me, encouraging me. I gulped, looking away. I couldn't do this. How could they expect me to the hold the reason for my existence's life in my hands?

"So what's it going to be," Nick asked me.