We Couldn't Change It If We Tried

I staggered back to my room, getting my suitcase. I didn't know where I was going. But I needed to get away. I needed to go somewhere where I was so lot that I couldn't think of this. I needed to be away from here. I threw stuff in my suitcase, not caring what it was. I stopped as I saw Dani's song book. I sighed, picking it up. She had never played her last songs to me. Did I want to take it with me? Did I want to read them, pretend she was singing to me with that voice I knew so well. Did I want to remember the pain? I threw the book away from me. But then I sighed picking it up. I stared, confused as an envelope fell out of it. I picked it up, sitting on my bed. I looked at the front, freezing as I read it. Joey.

Had she written me a letter before she died?

Joey,

If you're reading this, It means one of two things. One is that you're going through my stuff again, in which case, get ready to get your butt kicked when I find out. The second option is that my nightmares have come true and Cory came after you, in which case, I'm planning on intervening. I'm praying to God that it's the first one. But if it's not, if I did intervene, and you're reading this, I'm so sorry Joe. I love you so much it's unbelievable. I'm so lucky to have found you again, to have loved you, to have felt your love.

Joe, my life was on pause from the day I left New Jersey to the day I saw you again at Miley's party. Days and nights molded into one. I walked, I talked, I performed, I smiled. But I was empty Joe. I became me again when you came back into my life, when I got my best friend back, my other half. The way I feel about you honestly scared me sometimes. You're my whole world. I love you. And I know you love me too. I can feel in in your every touch, your every glance, your very presence. And I know how much pain you're probably in right now, how lost you must feel. I know because it's how I'd feel. And it pains me to be able to imagine what you're going through. It makes me feel selfish for putting you in this position when I myself sacrificed myself to not feel it. But you're Super Joe. You're stronger than me, Joey. I know you'll get through this like I wouldn’t. I know you'll be able to move on. I hope you're not drinking again, not thinking of running away. Because there is still so much out there for you Joe, so much hope, so much love, so much life. I hope you can live your life again Joe, live it for the both of us.

I'll love you always Joe, and I'll always be with you. I hope you keep me in your heart Joey, because you'll be in mine for all eternity. I hope we'll be together again. Hopefully not soon because I want you to live, but one day. I know we'll be able to see each other again, to be with each other. When I'm gone, I'll wait for that day, Joe. The day I see you in eternity. Until then, you can see whoever you want. Just be sure to remember that your love for that lucky girl is a loan. You belong to me, now and forever, and when you rise, you'll be with me again. The blonde bimbo can take it up with me if she has a problem with that and I'll haunt her ass. You and I were meant to be Joe, even if for only a short while. I love you Joey. I always will. Watch over my heart. I'm leaving it with you.

See you in eternity,
Dani

P.S. I hope we get the girl you're hoping for, and I hope she survives even if I couldn't. I know you're going to take good care of her, and you're not going to let her forget me. I want to name her Jersey, the place it all started, the place we dreamt of our futures, the place we stayed out late, looking at the stars, the place we found each other, the place our story began. I love you Joe. I hope your story goes on while mine couldn't.

P.P.S. Tell Nick he still smells funny and that he and Diana really need to get together already. Tell Kevin that he'll always be my big brother. Tell Blair I'll love her forever. And remember that I'll be with you all always.

Tears were still rolling down my cheeks as I walked out of my room, to Nick's. "I'm sorry," I said, showing him the letter. "I'm sorry for how I've been lately."

He read it over quickly, and hugged me. "It'll be okay Joe. We'll get through this. We're all in this together." I nodded. "And I do not smell funny," he mumbled.

[&&&]

"You ready," Nick asked me.

I nodded, looking at my brothers. "I'm ready." I walked over to where Jersey and baby Dani were playing. I kissed them both before hugging Blair.

"Good luck," she whispered, hugging her niece and her daughter.

We walked onto the stage slowly. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to get the courage to do this. It was our first show since Dani passed away. It was the first time we was really alone. But then I remembered that I wasn't alone. With my eyes closed, I could see her standing next to me, holding my hand, getting me through this.

"You can do this," Kevin whispered.

I nodded, opening my eyes. I grabbed the microphone. "This next song is a really special song to us. We wrote it recently for this really special girl who touched all our lives. She was my everything, and even though she's gone, I know she'll always be in our hearts. So Dani, wherever you are, this one's for you. I love you baby." I closed my eyes again as the music started, seeing her still. I knew she'd always be with me.

"Looking at a picture of you in my hands
Wondering if I'm ever gonna see you again

Without you I don't know how my life will be
But I believe
It's not goodbye
Cause I will remember you
And I will see you again
When I rise
Cause I know and I believe
I will see you in eternity

So close yet so far
But in my heart you're here with me
You did not leave
You just went to live in eternity

Without you I don't know how my life will be
But I believe
It's not goodbye
Cause I will remember you
And I will see you again
When I rise
Cause I know and I believe
I will see you in eternity

We will live in the light of the sun again
Dancing in the river of life and
Knowing that'll never end
Forever by your side
We'll never have to say goodbye

Cause I will remember you
And I will see you again
When I rise
Cause I know and I believe
I will see you in eternity

It's not goodbye
Cause I will remember you
And I will see you again
When I rise
Cause I know and I believe
I will see you in eternity."