Shatter My Heart And Then Scatter The Pieces

"Maybe I'm kidnapping you and I'm driving us cross country." His lips curled.

I glared at him then slapped him in the chest. "You're such a loser!"

"But I'm your loser."

I chuckled. "That you are." I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

"I love you." Ian reached over and interlaced his fingers with mine.

"I love you, too," I said.

I watched as we drove into the dark. He wouldn't tell me where we were going. All I could see was the moon peeking out behind the moving trees.

He finally pulled the car over onto a dirt patch. He sprinted to my door and opened it for me. I stepped out and then he shut it behind me. He placed his hands over my eyes standing behind me.

"It's a surprise," he rejoiced.

He started to walk so I went with him.

The tall grass started to tickle my legs. I giggled. I could hear running water not too far away. The chirp of crickets filled my eardrums.

He soon stopped and lifted his hands from my face.

I stood in awe.

"Wow, it's beautiful." I just managed to get out.

We were far from any lights which made the stars glow a bright neon color. The stars weren't the only thing twinkling. The fireflies were out too. The moon lit up the night more than anything. It even made the small dancing river sparkle.

"Ever since the first day I met you I knew that we would spend eternity together. I love you, Madison," Ian whispered gently.

"I love you t-," I said turning around to face him.

I almost fell when I saw him kneeling before me with a small black velvet box extended towards me. He opened it to expose a small diamond ring.

"Will you marry me?"

I brought my hands up to my face. I was speechless. My eyes started to tear up.

I shook my head. "Yes!"

We may have been young but not too young. We were graduating high school next week and I have been eighteen for almost five months and Ian was three months older than I was.

Ian jumped up to hug me excitedly. I hugged him back and started to cry. They were of course tears of joy.
---

I was now laying on that same exact field. Tears rolled down my eyes but this time they weren't joyful ones.

I wish he could be here with me right now. I can't stand not having him around anymore. I would do anything to get him back but I knew that wasn't an option.

I rolled on my side and rubbed the grass area where Ian should have been.

It was a year today that he proposed to me. Oh, how I missed him.

---

Ian and I were now living together. It was a small one room apartment. The only thing we could really afford. We got our own place a month after he proposed to me. We had decent jobs because we had connections.

We both were going to start college soon. Even though we both received scholarships they weren't going to pay for all of college.

Our parents were very supportive of us. His parents were always there for me. I was grateful.

I had just got off of work and walked in the door to an empty house. I know he wasn't home yet because the TV would have been on. I placed my purse on the counter and decided to watch some TV.

I started preparing dinner after I got bored of watching completely nothing on TV.

I was almost done with the meal when I glanced at the clock nervously. He should have been home three hours ago. He usually calls if he has to work late. Well, most of the time he would anyway. When he gets home I'm going to have to take matters into my own hands.

Five minutes later my door bell rang. That was Ian being lazy. All he had to do was stick the key in the hole and turn it. How hard could it be?

I rinsed my hands and wiped them on a towel. I skipped towards the door. I opened it to be surprised at Ian's mom standing before me in tears. She wanted to say something but she just couldn't.

To see her in tears at my doorstep made me think. Think horrible things. I looked at her through watery eyes.

Ian's older brother, Ben, appeared behind his mother and was rubbing her back. He looked at me with tears in his eyes too.

I knew what had happened but I didn't want to give into the dreading thought.

"I'm sorry, Madison."

My body gave out and I collapsed to the linoleum floor. Tears were falling from my eyes uncontrollably. I started to feel light headed.

"No. No. No," I whispered.

"No!" I finally roared letting my rage get the best of me. I punched at the floor.

"No. He will be home any minute now you'll see," I whimpered biting at my lip.

Ian's mother dropped to the floor beside me and pulled me towards her engulfing me in a concerned hug.

"He's not coming home," she empathized.

Those words lingered in my head. He's not coming home. All I could feel was sorrow. Not coming home?

My heart shattered.

I wrapped my arms around his mother and cried. That's all I could do. Ben knelt beside me and placed his hand on my back.
---

It had been almost three months since his passing. Those five grueling months seemed like a lifetime. If five months was hard how was I going to live at all. My tears continued to flow.

Our wedding was planned for a month ago. I wished I could have had my dad walk me down the aisle. I wanted to say those words 'I do.' Now I wasn't going to be able to.

I missed him all the time but I wanted to be happy again. I want to feel they same way I did when I was with him.

The breeze was starting to nip at my bare arms. I just lay there ignoring it.

---

I lay in bed weeping. My job had heard about the incident and had decided to give me time to collect myself.

I clicked on the TV. My stomach turned.

"Five days ago a terrible accident occurred here. An young man by the name of Ian was tragically killed by a drunken truck driver. The drunken truck driver had ran a red light at this busy intersection. Ian's car was dragged about a forth of a mile-"

I changed the channel not being able to stomach the graphics being shown.

"Our deepest sympathy goes out to the family of Ian-" I changed the channel one last time.

A talk show appeared on my screen.

"Now this young man Ian was only eighteen. In two or three months he would have been celebrating his nineteenth birthday." The chubby man spoke.

"Yeah. You want to hear the saddest thing of all?" The women took a breath before continuing. "Ian was engaged about seven months or so ago. He proposed to his girlfriend of what? Seven years? I believe her name is Madison-"

I shut off the TV and chucked to remote across the room. I sobbed like I have for the last five days. I shoved my head into my pillow and screamed.

The news was everywhere. My mom just started to throw out the newspapers without asking me. Can everyone just stop talking about it?

My mom entered the room. She had been staying with me since the accident to watch over me.

"You have to get ready soon," She said approaching me with a glass of water and a pill. "Take this."

I took the pill and drank the water.

"I already picked out your clothes." She pointed to the chair next to the closet.

She planted a kiss on my forehead and then walked out of the room. I took a shower and slowly changed.

We pulled up to the place I dreaded. My mother had offered to drive me to the wake. We decided to have an open casket so everyone could get one last look at him before they said bye.

I couldn't stand anywhere near it.

People kept telling me how sorry they were. I felt numb all over again. I forced a fake little smile to show some appreciation to those who showed up.

The last hour was approaching and my sadness was taking over. Just as all the people were escorted out of the funeral home. I approached the casket.

I knelt before him. I was there for awhile before I had the strength to look at him.

I died inside.

I started to cry hysterically.

I finally got a grip on my emotions when I realized it was time to let go. He wasn't going to come back.

I started to think about all the time we spent together. I weakly laughed.

I prayed before looking at him one last time.

"I love you," I said for the last time kissing his forehead.

It was heartbreaking to say good-bye to your one and only true love. I would have done anything for him and he would have done the same in return.

I went to bed that night not wanting to be bothered. The next day I had to attend his funeral.

My mom did the same thing for me that she did the day before.

We arrived at the church with a line of cars that could wrap around the sun twice.

I followed right behind the heirs with his parents.

I watched as the line of cars behind me ran all the red lights. I couldn't help but smile at the thought of all these people who cared for Ian.

The burial ceremony was long and frightening. The thought of Ian being in the ground and not with me. I cried my eyes out hoping that eventually I would run out of tears.

I watched as the coffin was lowered into the lonely hole in the ground.

I whispered to myself. "Why me?" I shook my head angrily.

Everyone threw a handful of earth on the coffin.

It was hard to part myself from Ian's burial ground. I couldn't bear it.

The sun started to fade away but I was still standing there.

"Together for eternity? That's what you told me." I cried out falling to my knees in front of his resting place.

My parents couldn't stand to see me rip myself apart. They came over and pryed me away from that spot.

"I just can't leave him!" I cried desperately trying to go back. "I can't!"

"You have to. Remember that you can always come back, darling," my dad replied.

The pieces of my shattered heart had been scattered.
---

I lay there still on the ground. Watching the fireflies as they flashed in the dark air. The moon didn't lose it's glow.

I love him and will always. I twirled the engagement ring around my finger. For eternity.

It was now ten forty-seven. The same exact time that Ian proposed.

I had promised myself that I would be strong. I wiped the last of the tears from my eyes.

I must find the scattered pieces to my shattered heart and then glue them back together.

I had to make things right if not for me than for him.

I rubbed my belly. "Your father proposed to me exactly a year ago, right here." I smiled.