Loser, Whatever!

Since last summer, I had acquired a few new dresses. If I was going to be a Healer, I might as well have a few nice dresses for parties and events. I had heard that there were a few conventions for Healers specifically. I decided on a longer, but not quite touching the floor, light blue strapless. It had embroidered lighter blue roses on the bodice and the skirt flared, but not too much. It wasn't fancy, but it wasn't casual either. Rick had said he came from a richer family, so I assumed he could be more formal.

He was right on time, and arrived at 7:30 sharp. His hair looked nice combed back, but it still had the casual look to it. He was indeed wearing a very formal set of midnight black dress robes.

"You look beautiful." He stated.

"You don't look to bad yourself." I replied, attempting a smile. To be honest, I hadn't really been looking forward to tonight. I knew it would bring back too many memories. He smiled back and offered me his arm, which I linked with mine.

"Why are we so formal?" I asked. He had been the one to suggest wearing fancier clothes.

"You'll find out soon enough." He answered.

"But I already feel under-dressed, you should have specified how fancy I should have gone." I pouted.

"You look gorgeous! Why do girls always fuss about what they're wearing?" He asked himself.

"Where are we going?" I asked, "You can at least tell me that."

"But if I tell you that, it'll give away what we're doing." He reasoned.
"You're just full of surprises tonight." I commented.

"Yes." He smiled and kissed my cheek. He smelled like aftershave, it was nice. I kept reminding myself that I could grow to love him and he would help me forget him. I couldn't even think of the name, "We should apparate now, on three, I’ll guide you."

I took his hand as he counted and on three, I spun as he asked.
When I opened my eyes to a very familiar building. What were we doing here? I feel so stupid dressed this formally! Wait, Maybe I remembered seeing something...

"Why are we at the school?" I demanded.

"The charity ball for St Mungos! I’m surprised it took you so long to figure it out, I thought you would get it for sure when you saw the school." He chuckled.

"Oh." I felt my cheeks burn.

"Don’t worry about it." He draped his arm around my shoulders, "We’ll have fun all the same."

He led me into the school where the entrance hall had been decorated with the St Mungos wand and bone cross symbol and there were a few lime green streamers hanging from the ceiling. The cafeteria had been completely cleared of all tables and instead, small circular tables had been placed around a rectangular area that was no doubt meant for dancing. The napkins at each place on the tables was lime green and there were balloons and streamers of the same color. Rick handed the girl behind a table in the Entrance Hall his tickets and then led me inside the cafeteria where he sat me at one of the tables for two and then took the seat across form me.

I wasn’t feeling too hungry, so I just ordered a bagel from the waiter who appeared almost immediately after we sat down. Rick, on the other hand, ordered a steak tartar. I wondered if he knew that meant that the meat was raw, but decided not to ask. He was studying to be a Healer, he knew. The food arrived in record time and he didn’t look the least bit surprised at the state of his beef and promptly started eating it.

"How’s your steak?" I asked between bites of my salmon cream cheese bagel.

"Marvelous, and your bagel?" He looked dubious that I could enjoy something as plain as a bagel.

"It’s very nice, I’m really glad you thought to bring me here." I threw in for his benefit. He smiled.

"So far, it’s been fun." He commented, "Did you have any homework tonight?"

"Yeah, but I finished it, you?"

"Connelly’s essay, but that’s not due until Tuesday, so I still have the weekend." He answered, "How have you been doing on that?"

"I finished it on Wednesday." I supplied. The truth was, that essay was all I had to keep me distracted. This date was causing my mind to wander to places I had trained it not to in the past year. Anything was welcome to keep my mind away, and anything was most of the time homework.

It shouldn’t be this hard to get over someone, it had been over a year and we only went out for a month. This was crazy, but still, I couldn’t help thinking about him despite my determination not to. Was this normal? I didn’t have many close girl friends to discuss this with.

With a jolt of pain, I remembered Janna. We had been so close for those precious weeks that we knew each other, and she would be getting married in year!

Snap out of it! I told myself. I was with Rick now and I had every reason to be happy. He was a nice guy, funny, smart, gentle and kind. And the money didn’t hurt, but it definitely wasn’t the reason I was going out with him! I put the best smile I could muster on my face and turned to face Rick.

"Do you feel like dancing?" I asked politely.

"I thought you’d never ask." He grinned and offered me his hand. I took it and he led me to the dance floor where other couples were already dancing. I placed my hand on his shoulder and he placed his on my waist while we still kept our other hands laced together. He spun me around and I remembered I was an awful dancer. I pointed this out to him, he simply laughed.

"It’s all in the leading, here, I’ll show you." He moved forward and I took a step back, then to the right, forward, left. Something was familiar about this and then I saw him. He was standing in front of me instead of Rick and chuckling at my attempt to dance with him. But then reality hit again and Rick’s handsome face was back as he led me around the dance floor.

I felt like crying, but I remembered I was doing this for Rick...and for me. I needed someone like Rick to help me get over this! I slapped a smile back on my face and pretended to laugh as Rick dipped me and kissed my cheek.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a girl with long curly brown hair and a long green dress on. I did a double take.

Don’t freak out, it’s not Janna. What would she be doing here anyway? I told myself.

"You’re doing great!" Rick laughed as he continued to whirl me around the dance floor.

I didn’t think I would last the night. I felt so guilty. Rick was such a nice guy and I was being totally unfair. He deserved my attention and a good time. I promised myself I would improve with time, and hopefully he would understand why I wasn’t opening up right away.

We danced for almost every other song after that, every time was a little easier, I was getting used to Rick’s style of dancing.

This isn’t so bad, I could get used to this. It was a big turn from earlier. But he was just so happy. Smiling and teasing me playfully as we danced and I tripped over my dress. It was impossible to stay unhappy when we was so happy, I knew I made the right choice in letting him take me out tonight. I laughed for real and had a genuine smile on my face when the evening ended.

"I had a great time tonight, Rick." I said as he walked me up to my front door.

"Same here, it was fun teaching you how to dance." He smiled at the memory.

"I guess I’ll see you on Monday." I said. He stayed on campus and always visited his parents on weekends.

"Yeah, you should come visit sometime. My parents really want to meet you." He supplied.

"I’d like to meet your parents." I smiled. He grinned back and leaned forward.

His lips met mine and I experienced something like I had never experienced before. This kiss was gentle and kind, just like Rick but something was missing. I tried not to think of that. I was with Rick now! No one else mattered, I tried to convince myself. He placed his hand at the nape of my neck and pulled me closer. Then it started to feel wrong. I had such a great time tonight, why did he have to kiss me like this? It didn’t make sense! All I wanted was for him to let me go, which he did eventually.

"See you Monday." He breathed.

"Say hi to your parents for me." I whispered for his benefit. Then I unlocked the door and walked inside.

As soon as the door closed, I slumped on the floor in front of it. Why did it have to be this way? I tried to convince myself that in time, I would learn to love Rick’s kisses and they wouldn’t be as bad as the first one. Still, throughout that kiss, I couldn’t help but picture someone else in Rick’s place. I quickly vanquished that thought. That was over, it was high time I moved on to someone else.

I went upstairs, washed the make-up off my face, hung the dress up, put my pyjamas on and crawled into bed.

I cried myself to sleep.