Loser, Whatever!
Tears
I didn’t feel like celebrating the rest of the evening. Everyone was here to celebrate me and Rick’s engagement and I knew this was basically false advertising. Eventually, the night came to a close and it was just Rick and I, our parents and Kurt.
"It’s been a pleasure to meet you all." My mother said as she hugged everyone in turn.
"Yes, I’ll expect we’ll be seeing you all real soon to make more wedding plans." My father added. Kurt was silent as he shook hands with Rick and Joseph, but I pulled him in for a hug and Helen hugged him too.
"You’ll make the perfect ring bearer." She whispered in his ear. He smiled, then they left.
"Well, you’ll be staying here this weekend, right Bridgette?" Helen turned to me.
"I’ve got my stuff right here if that’s alright." I answered.
"Of course it is, dear! You’re practically family now! You’ll stay in the same room as last time, alright?" She assured me.
"Yeah, that’s great." I answered. Rick kissed me goodnight as we headed up the stairs and he got off at the first landing. I cried myself to sleep.
I was quiet the rest of the weekend and I could tell Rick was worrying about me, but he waited until we returned to school before he brought it up.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" He asked one night as we studied for exams that were still two months away at his dorm, "I mean, it seems that since that girl at the engagement party talked to you, you’ve been so quiet and thoughtful ever since."
"Oh, you noticed." I mumbled.
"Do you feel like talking about it? You know you can trust me and I have no secrets from my fiancée." He stated.
"Well, that girl’s name is Janna and she’s the girl I wanted to be my maid of honor." I started, not knowing how to continue. Would I break it all off right here? Right now? "The thing is, she’s getting married in July and she wants me to be her bridesmaid."
"Is that all?" He didn’t smile or make fun, he rubbed his thumb across my hand as he held it tight. Could I tell him all that was on my mind? Looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn’t. Not now.
"Basically." I murmured.
"So why have you been worrying about it?" He asked, confused.
"Well, just because we’re busy planning our wedding and now she wants me to be a part of hers and there’s just too much going on!" I fake ranted.
"Oh, honey." He got out of his chair and it surprised me when I felt the tears rolling down my face. He sat down on the ground and held me close on his lap, "Don’t worry about it. We’re not getting married for another year, this isn’t so bad. There’s no problem with you being a bridesmaid this July, we still have lots of time!"
It broke my heart. I knew we were never going to get married, but he didn’t and that just made me cry harder. Why was I such a horrible person? Rick was such a nice guy and he was always there when I needed him! It was just so unfair of me to keep putting on the charade. I could never truly love him the way I loved Oliver and now Oliver needed me more than ever.
"The bridal shower’s this weekend." I sobbed.
"Do you want me to come?" He rubbed my back as I stained his shirt with my tears.
"No," I said maybe too quickly, so I hurried to explain. "There will be lots of people there that I haven’t seen in a while and they don’t know I’m engaged, I just don’t want to bring the attention away from Janna. It’s her shower."
"I understand. But you know that whenever you need me, I’m right here." He said. Why did he have to be so nice? If possible, I started crying harder and Rick just pulled me tighter and closer. This was so unfair! How I longed now for a different set of arms that I hadn’t longed for in the longest time? Why was I letting this go one further? I was such a cruel monster. But I knew it would break Rick’s heart if I broke up with him now. I decided right then and there to wait until the summer where we most likely wouldn’t see each other very much if we weren’t engaged any longer.
I thought of Helen and Joseph and how kind they had been to me. For letting me spend Christmas at their house and their support through the engagement. I felt the ring on my finger and thought of the necklace locked up safely at my house. He had spent so much money on me and I didn’t deserve his kindness.
I thought of my parents and how angry they’d be when they got the news of me canceling my wedding to the man of their dreams. Then running off to Oliver. They’d be furious and they’d most likely disown me over again.
Lastly, I thought of Oliver. He was in pain right now. I would see him at the combined shower and see if I could help. If he still loved me and got better, I would call off the wedding, but if we wasn’t showing any signs of improvement after I returned to him, I would go ahead and marry Rick. I felt back about calling Rick my Plan B. He deserved so much better than that! I could only hope that someday soon he would meet someone incredible and forget all about me.
"Do you want to go home?" He breathed in my ear. I nodded into his chest, "C’mon, I’ll help you stand up and I’ll apparate you there."
He must have changed his mind, either that or my legs were Jell-O, because he picked me up and we apparated back to my house.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked. I couldn’t bear to give him false hope anymore, but I needed to e alone, and he had no idea why I was crying like this! He must think I’m a freak! No, he didn’t, I reflected, he loved me too much and was why this was so sad! I shook my head as he placed me on a sofa in the front room.
"Kiss me goodbye." I managed to choke out, that was the least I could do.
He bent down and placed his lips ever so gently onto mine and I felt myself kissing back with all that I had. I loved him, but he wasn’t the right one.
"It’s been a pleasure to meet you all." My mother said as she hugged everyone in turn.
"Yes, I’ll expect we’ll be seeing you all real soon to make more wedding plans." My father added. Kurt was silent as he shook hands with Rick and Joseph, but I pulled him in for a hug and Helen hugged him too.
"You’ll make the perfect ring bearer." She whispered in his ear. He smiled, then they left.
"Well, you’ll be staying here this weekend, right Bridgette?" Helen turned to me.
"I’ve got my stuff right here if that’s alright." I answered.
"Of course it is, dear! You’re practically family now! You’ll stay in the same room as last time, alright?" She assured me.
"Yeah, that’s great." I answered. Rick kissed me goodnight as we headed up the stairs and he got off at the first landing. I cried myself to sleep.
I was quiet the rest of the weekend and I could tell Rick was worrying about me, but he waited until we returned to school before he brought it up.
"Are you sure you’re okay?" He asked one night as we studied for exams that were still two months away at his dorm, "I mean, it seems that since that girl at the engagement party talked to you, you’ve been so quiet and thoughtful ever since."
"Oh, you noticed." I mumbled.
"Do you feel like talking about it? You know you can trust me and I have no secrets from my fiancée." He stated.
"Well, that girl’s name is Janna and she’s the girl I wanted to be my maid of honor." I started, not knowing how to continue. Would I break it all off right here? Right now? "The thing is, she’s getting married in July and she wants me to be her bridesmaid."
"Is that all?" He didn’t smile or make fun, he rubbed his thumb across my hand as he held it tight. Could I tell him all that was on my mind? Looking into his eyes, I knew I couldn’t. Not now.
"Basically." I murmured.
"So why have you been worrying about it?" He asked, confused.
"Well, just because we’re busy planning our wedding and now she wants me to be a part of hers and there’s just too much going on!" I fake ranted.
"Oh, honey." He got out of his chair and it surprised me when I felt the tears rolling down my face. He sat down on the ground and held me close on his lap, "Don’t worry about it. We’re not getting married for another year, this isn’t so bad. There’s no problem with you being a bridesmaid this July, we still have lots of time!"
It broke my heart. I knew we were never going to get married, but he didn’t and that just made me cry harder. Why was I such a horrible person? Rick was such a nice guy and he was always there when I needed him! It was just so unfair of me to keep putting on the charade. I could never truly love him the way I loved Oliver and now Oliver needed me more than ever.
"The bridal shower’s this weekend." I sobbed.
"Do you want me to come?" He rubbed my back as I stained his shirt with my tears.
"No," I said maybe too quickly, so I hurried to explain. "There will be lots of people there that I haven’t seen in a while and they don’t know I’m engaged, I just don’t want to bring the attention away from Janna. It’s her shower."
"I understand. But you know that whenever you need me, I’m right here." He said. Why did he have to be so nice? If possible, I started crying harder and Rick just pulled me tighter and closer. This was so unfair! How I longed now for a different set of arms that I hadn’t longed for in the longest time? Why was I letting this go one further? I was such a cruel monster. But I knew it would break Rick’s heart if I broke up with him now. I decided right then and there to wait until the summer where we most likely wouldn’t see each other very much if we weren’t engaged any longer.
I thought of Helen and Joseph and how kind they had been to me. For letting me spend Christmas at their house and their support through the engagement. I felt the ring on my finger and thought of the necklace locked up safely at my house. He had spent so much money on me and I didn’t deserve his kindness.
I thought of my parents and how angry they’d be when they got the news of me canceling my wedding to the man of their dreams. Then running off to Oliver. They’d be furious and they’d most likely disown me over again.
Lastly, I thought of Oliver. He was in pain right now. I would see him at the combined shower and see if I could help. If he still loved me and got better, I would call off the wedding, but if we wasn’t showing any signs of improvement after I returned to him, I would go ahead and marry Rick. I felt back about calling Rick my Plan B. He deserved so much better than that! I could only hope that someday soon he would meet someone incredible and forget all about me.
"Do you want to go home?" He breathed in my ear. I nodded into his chest, "C’mon, I’ll help you stand up and I’ll apparate you there."
He must have changed his mind, either that or my legs were Jell-O, because he picked me up and we apparated back to my house.
"Do you want me to stay?" He asked. I couldn’t bear to give him false hope anymore, but I needed to e alone, and he had no idea why I was crying like this! He must think I’m a freak! No, he didn’t, I reflected, he loved me too much and was why this was so sad! I shook my head as he placed me on a sofa in the front room.
"Kiss me goodbye." I managed to choke out, that was the least I could do.
He bent down and placed his lips ever so gently onto mine and I felt myself kissing back with all that I had. I loved him, but he wasn’t the right one.