Innocence to Experience.

From that point on, the state of euphoria was one I grew to love. It was something I felt once a week, to twice a week, to everyday. Not even Oli smoked the amounts I did anymore; he'd sit back and watch me, concerned, as I sat on his bed. My mom started to notice my new behavior and she questioned me, but I told her I was just tired. She bought my stories, but I didn't know how long she would.

"Christiane, can you not get high today? Please?" Oli pleaded with me, trying to grab the baggy I held firmly in my hands. I furrowed my eyebrows, glaring down at the pathetic attempt Oli was making. I felt horrible for doing this to him, but the majority of my thoughts were focused on ignoring me real life. I was sick of my real life. I loved how I felt when I was high.

"Oli, can you please just fuck off?" I yelled at him, swearing for, probably, the first time in my life. My mouth hung for a short period, acknowledging what I had just said, but I remained composed as much as possible. Oli's mouth hung open longer than mine, his facial expression showing me that he was pained. Not physically, but mentally. His eyes showed me this as well. They were wide open, staring at me shocked.

I quickly grabbed what I needed and ran out of my room and out of my home. My feet guided me to unknown territory, but I could have cared less then. I stood in an alley, did my business (and I don't mean going to the washroom), and walked down the streets blankly.

My legs fumbled down random streets, watching as the day darkened. Soon it was evening, and my high was wearing off.

It was then when I spotted a man dodge into an alley. Curiosity grew inside me, and I quietly walked over. I witnessed the man jab himself with a needle, and then fall to the floor.

My mouth let out a gasp and I darted over to the man. I kneeled beside him, hesitating to touch him. My fingertips found his heart beat slowing, and his skin growing cold. It only took a few moments for the drug to take his life. He died with me right there to watch him. But no, this didn't scare me off drugs. I grabbed his needle and pulled the string off my hoodie to tie it tightly around my arm.

When the needle penetrated my arm I let out a soft gasp. The sting slowly faded, what replaced it being better than anything I had felt before. I let my body fall down against the wall next to the dead man, staring blankly and happily at the brick wall in front of me.

The roughness of the red and black brick intrigued me, it slowly moved in and out of focus. The colors around me started to seem less dreary, everything just seemed better. I wasn't just a blank fool like when I was smoking up, every ounce of my body seemed to be filled with tiny rainbows. Who needed red and white blood cells in your veins when you had the whole fucking rainbow dancing and prancing around?

Time didn't matter. I sat there until the high wore off. It didn't take all that long; it was shortest high I'd ever had. Hands down was the best.

My head lolled over to the man, my eyes spotting a bottle just slipping out of his pocket. I quickly swiped the bottle from him and threw the needle on top of his cold body. I could find my own syringes. How hard could it be? Surely the pharmacist or something would have them.

Before I left, I also noticed he had a forgotten bag beside him. My curiosity grew. I looked back onto the streets to find them completely empty. I walked over to the bag and tugged on the zipper. Inside I found a bag filled with white crystals, and another bag filled with syringes.

So much for finding some.

I grabbed those bags and left the alley, tucking the drugs and needles into my sweater. Surely that man didn't need them anymore.

'To go back, or not..Oli should have left my house by now..'

When I entered my room, Oli hadn't left. Oli's body was drooped over the side of my bed, his mouth hung open. Out of his mouth came loud snores and drips of saliva. He seemed to be in a deep sleep. I walked over and poked at him. He stirred, but only changed his position and started to snore once more. I couldn't help but giggle at him. I let myself drop beside him, and that was when he chose to wake.

"Where'd you go?" Oli's voice was rough from sleep, but I still managed to understand him. My shoulders rose and dropped loosely. I clearly couldn't tell him what I'd done and what I possessed.

"Go home and sleep."

"No, I wanna stay here with you."

His voice seemed to have a child like innocence to it; slightly whinny, yet adorable. Saying no would be considered a sin, just as he was slowly being added to the list of deadly sins. Instead of breaking his heart, I threw my sweater onto my desk, making sure to cover the items.

I let my body fall limp beside him, grabbing onto him like he was a life line. He seemed to have no problem with me grabbing onto him. He arms held me just as tightly as I held him.

The only problem was the guilt that kept me sleepless.