Innocence to Experience.

I never dreamt that horrid dream again. Instead, my dreams were blank; nothingness. When I closed my eyes, all I could see go on and on was a deep, deep blue. I saw what I would assume looking down at the abyss of the ocean would look like. Dark, mysterious. When I slept, it felt extremely like I was actually sinking into an endless abyss.

Surely those dreams meant something, but I didn't want to think about it. My subconscious self knew exactly what the empty dreams meant. I instead denied myself of the acknowledgement. I refused to care.

Oli would stroke my face tenderly, his eyes seemed to melt into the deep rich color of honey while in my presence. All the while I was trying to enjoy my love, a shock from my brain would send a craving shooting through my body. My legs would twitch and sway back and forth in anticipation to relieve my urge, my addiction. Oli would see the urgency in my eyes, sigh, and release me to run into my room.

He never questioned why my room was never smoky anymore, yet he knew why I left him so often.

Just like me, he'd wish not to realize what I would jab into my veins. He didn't want to think about how much my body yearned to have toxins flow freely and peacefully through all my muscles, my brain.
Denial was such a bitch.

In a matter of a couple weeks, that drug pulled me into a bitter sweet addiction. I had no chance. I'd thrown myself into it, and getting out of the cold murky waters would be difficult no matter the time span of my use.

"So babe, what's on the agenda today?" Oli's smooth voice asked. My blank face made him frown and grab my face with both hands, his touch was still as gentle as ever. His pleading gaze hammered into my heart. I felt horrible. "Please, please promise that today you won't do anything. Please, I want just one day with you sober." His eyes continued to search me with begging eyes. His fingers found my own, his fingertips started to fidget with my own. I took a moment to pull the best fake look I could and nodded, my eyes gleaming with false happiness.

I loved him, but he had competition. Competition with an inanimate object. I never stopped to realize how pathetic I'd become.

But I did try, I did want to give him one day where I wasn't off into my own world. I hated how I always made him back up. He was like the third wheel. I loved him, and I wanted to be with him. I couldn't piece together why I was doing what I was to him.

Oli pulled me out of my front door, leading me down an unfamiliar path. I looked back at my home quickly before we turned a sharp corner. I regretted being so far away. My body twitched, but he didn't react if he noticed.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise." Oli's face beamed proudly. His teeth never looked so white, his eyes never so bright. He paused momentarily to grip my hands and peak up at me from under his fringe. Why he behaved so shyly, I hadn't had one idea.

Oli smiled down at me once more and snuck a quick kiss in before whispering, "I love you", and moving forward once more.

My eyes fluttered open. Silver, gold, and precious stones shimmered in front of me. My mouth dropped as Oli led me into the small shop, I could tell he was enjoying this. I let the glass door shut behind me and glanced around at the colorful glass cases. I shook my head.

"You’re not buying me anything." I stated firmly. Oli's palms rubbed my hips and pulled me over to a glass desk filled with various rings. The silver and white gold caught my eyes immediately. Unfortunately, Oli noticed and asked to look at some of the rings.

"Oli, no!" He ignored me and asked to see a white gold ring with three simple diamonds across the front of the jewelry. I kept my mouth shut as he slipped the ring on my finger and smiled down on it.

"Perfect fit." I giggled and shook my head, taking off the ring and not even bothering to glance at the price. It was clearly too expensive and I'd rather Oli not buy me anything, especially at that price. My eyebrows knit together.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Can I look at that one?" Oli spoke up. The employee nodded. Soon another ring was slipped on my finger.

My eyes closed tightly, a quiet sigh exiting through my slightly parted lips. Soon enough, warm lips covered my own softly. I could sense the silly smirk. My leg twitched.

"Oli, you can't afford this. I know you can't." My words were mumbled against his lips. Oli pulled away and mocked my frustrated face. He let out a 'pft' of air and gazed back over at the case of jewelry. He carefully scanned each piece of metal. I watched as he stopped on each ring, judging it, and moving on to the next. My eyebrow rose, wondering what he was trying to do.

His eyes stopped on one white gold ring. The band was smooth and thin. One square chunk of pink jewel sat in the middle and two smaller diamonds sat beside it. The corners of his lips rose into a wide, knowing grin. His finger shot out quickly, pointing directly at the gorgeous ring. The employee took the ring out of the glass casing and placed it carefully in Oli's open palm. I turned to him as he grabbed my left hand, slipping the ring onto to appropriate finger. A small smile peaked out as I felt the cool metal against my skin.

"It's beautiful." I whispered, hoping Oli wouldn't hear me. But, of course he did.

"Then let me get it." My eyes gazed up into his. My front teeth started to chew on the corner of my bottom lip. Why lie? I did like the ring, and I would love to have it. I couldn't help but let my past personality convince me that it was too much. It was too much for only knowing him for a little over a month.

He didn't let me answer him, and the next thing I knew we were outside the shop and the ring was still on my finger.

I shook my head at him as he smiled down on me once more.

My hand started to twitch with enthusiasm, anticipating getting home.