Welcome to Scandalous Scholastics 101

LILLY'S POV

***
Lunch with Mr. Walker and Mr. Trohman, the resident 'lunch ladies'
***

"Can I have a taco, some salsa, extra guacamole, a burrito, and chips please?" Annie flashed a smile at Mr. Walker. He was wearing a flowered apron and a grumpy expression. Oh, and lets not forget one of those ultra sexy shower cap things, you know, to keep his hair up out of the way. Or something like that.

"No." He simply said. Mr. Walker crossed his arms, obviously loving that feeling of power. Bad move, Mr. Walker.

"Tell me this, Mr. Walker. How did you make that flower apron you're wearing? Did you sew it or did Mr. Trohman give it to you for your anniversary!?!" Annie slammed her tray down. "NOW WHERE IS MY FREAKING TACO?! OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL STAB YOU WITH MY SPORK!"

"Mr. Trohman!" I whined, seeing Mr. Walker coming up with some smart-assed retort. "Can you just get her the taco?"

"One taco with extra guacamole, coming right up," Mr. Trohman pushed Mr. Walker out of the way, giving his partner in crime the evil eye. I was rather surprised at Mr. Walker's nerve: it was common knowledge around here that Annie had quite a temper when it came to her food. Just how did you think she got kicked out of her last school?

"Joe, she insulted the apron! The one you made especially for me!" Mr. Walker pouted, crossing his arms. Sarah giggled from behind me and informed the moody Walker of her, as Annie had been know to put it, foodial desires. We advanced down the line without any further delay, and finally made our way over to a table. Mr. Walker's pride may have been a little damaged, but it was the only part of him hurt. I imagine a spork stabbing would take a lot more time to heal than that apron comment Annie had thrown at him.

Although, judging from the murderous looks Mr. Walker was sending in the oblivious girl's direction, Annie had better watch her back. Let me tell you, it was NOT a good idea to get on the wrong side of the lunch ladies.

"So, Sarah, I do think you have passed our test." I paused a second, pushing the food around on my plate. "Annie, I've got a UFO."

"Aww, shizzle. You want me to go bitch to the lunch ladies?" Annie made a move to stand up, but I just shook my head. That was up there on my list of 'Definitely Not Good Ideas'.

"UFO?" Sarah asked, glancing between the two of us.

"Oh. Unidentified Food-Like Object. Standardcult vocab." I grinned, and pushed the UFO around a little on my plate. "They don't call it 'Mystery Meat Mondays' for nothing, you know."

"Yeah, we have this school tradition on out-witting the lunch ladies." Annie grinned, and took a tentative sniff of her taco. "If you can correctly guess the meat, you've out-witted the lunch ladies."

"Out-witted because they don't have a fucking clue what it is either....." Sarah grinned, finishing the sentence for her. We both nodded.

All conversation stopped when the intercom suddenly came to life.

"....Hello, is this thing on? Helloooooooo? Ah, it is. Ahem. Welcome students, back to school. I'll be taking over the announcements for Mr. Way , as he is rather, uh, tied up at the moment. Last I checked, Mikey was no where to be seen, so I'm assuming Mr. Way actually does have some sort of crisis on his hands."

The unmistakable voice of Mr. Urie floated through the dinning area, and all the girls gave a dreamy sigh as he chuckled over his own little waycest joke. Damn Mr. Urie and his cuteness!

".....And now, for announcements. Mr. Way would like to, what did he say, crush all those rumors of the waycest. Seriously now, that's all they are. Rumors. Also, Mr. Iero would like to offer some sort of reward to the student who catches Mr. Way and Mr. Way in the act, go and see him in his office for more details."

Sarah choked on her drink, and looked at me with wide eyes. Reward, hmm? Oh, right, but Mr. Way would have our asses if we showed anyone. Aww, shit. Or shall we...?

"......All the staff would like to congratulate Mr. Saporta on his 'Great Panty Heist' during the fire drill. Ladies, don't freak out if you can't find your 'days of the week' undies, they're in safe hands. Your fruit of the looms are in Mr. Saporta's fruits of the -- ahem. Mr. Way would also like to congratulate Mr. Saporta. In his office. Right now. He sent out Mr. McCoy to go and find you. All I'm going to say is run little man, run. Like you did on the runway, last year."

"Ah! That sneaky little...." I mumbled, my eyes narrowed. Annie gave a squeak.

"I swear, if he stole my Tinkerbell underwear, I'll slaughter him...." she growled, clutching her spork. I patted her on the back consolingly.

".....Pete is planning an underground Winter Fashion Show. Surprise surprise. He'll have to find a way to hide it from Mr. Way , and that will be difficult. Models and designers, this is your moment! Pete will hand pick his own special team to display his 'Clandestine' fashions. Yes, Mr. Saporta, this means you. I see you sprinting across the lawn right now, evading the security, so if you don't hear me, that's okay. I'll have Mr. Beckett tell you about it later, heh heh...."

A bit of static was heard, then it cleared up.

"....Yes ladies, the return of 'Mystery Meat Mondays'! I know you've all been looking forward too it. Alright, let's be honest, Mr. Trohman and Mr. Walker can't cook worth a shit. But, we will NOT, I repeat, NOT piss them off this year. I think you all know what I mean, right, Annie? Hmm?"

Annie flipped the intercom off.

"....I saw that. I see everything, everywhere." He chuckled and laughed. Evilly."...Anyways, and finally. Mr. Way asked me to give you all a warning. As all the school knows, crack is now being sold in the vending machines. Now, listen up. Apparently overuse of this drug will pose some serious health risks. Like death. I think death is a pretty serious health risk, don't you? Also, if you smoke it, like, eight times a day, it will shrink your brain or something. No biggie though. If you think your brain is shrinking, or that you might be dead, please go see the school nurse, Chizz. Then again, he'll probably perscribe vegemite, the Australian freak that he is..."

It was Sarah's turn to flip the intercom off. Annie smirked at her, and I just shook my head.

"....I saw that as well, young lady. I'll can't wait to teach you girls. I hope you're all ready for another fun year of Sex Ed. I know I am...heh heh. So, yeah, those are the announcements. Oh and to Mr. Stump. I think that you'll have to return the girls' undies you stole from Mr. Saporta, you sick, sick little man. I see you too."

The warning bell rang, and we stood up. Whoop-de-do, more classes.