One Last Look Goodbye

I sat on the couch looking around at our memories scattered on the floor. Pictures, little trinkets from trips, basically anything I could lay my hands on. I put my head in my hands and let the tears stream down my face as I all I had crumbled around me. I took slow steady breaths and waited for him to walk back in the door. Thanking god the little one upstairs hadn’t woken up during the fight before. I stood up and wrapped my arms around myself closing my eyes.

I was leaving. He wasn’t going to stop me this time. I couldn’t let him. I walked upstairs and grabbed Austin’s suitcase putting in clothes and diapers anything that he would need from home for the next week. By the time I was done it was full of diapers, wipes, onesies, all sorts of clothes, toys, and his favorite blanket. I zipped it up and traveled down to my room, taking my own suit case and throwing clothes in it and taking mine and his down and setting them by the door.

I heard Austin start crying. I went in to pick him up. Only five months old he was the love of my life. I’d only ever loved one other person almost as much as I loved Austin and now all the love for him was gone. I looked over at his little plaque on the wall which read ‘Austin Shane Haner’ and all his birth information. I wiped a tear from my eye and looked down at him.

“Hey little man. What you doing? Huh, Mommy loves you.” I baby talked him and started cooing as he grabbed my finger and giggled. I smiled down at him and hugged him tight. I walked down the stairs and went into the kitchen and made him a bottle then stuck him in his car seat and covered him up. Right as I did I heard the door open.

“Amanda what the fuck is going on?” he said seeing the suitcases.

“I’m leaving. Me and Austin are leaving.” I said looking into his eyes, all I seen was sadness. But it wasn’t going to stop me.

“Over one stupid argument your leaving? Just like that?” he said walking closer to me.

“No Brian, look around, it wasn’t just a stupid argument. It’s been going on for five months now. You just don’t have time for us in your life anymore.” I said angrily.

“What am I supposed to do. You want me to leave the band. Is that it?” he sneered at me and just made me speechless.

“Are you serious?! Don’t even try to pin that on me! I love all the guys and the band. I would never ask you to leave it!” I spat back at him not believing he would try and make it seem like I wanted his band to break up.

“Well then what the fuck do you want from me!” he yelled.

“I’ve been fucking telling you for five months Brian! I want you to be home for more than a couple days a week. You haven’t been here even though the band hasn’t been touring or recording. Your more worried about what’s going on at bar’s and every place else than you are of our son!” I said glaring at him.

“Baby please don’t leave. I love you.” he said and I just rolled my eyes.

“No, it’s done. I’m leaving and I’m taking Austin with me. I’ve tried to leave before and you’ve always stopped me with promises that it would get better and it never has. I’m sorry but I won’t take it anymore.” I said with a sad voice.

“Amanda no. You can’t take Austin away from me. That’s not fair! He is my son too!” he said sadly, which made me a little angry.

“Like you really care Brian. The whole five months he’s been born you’ve seen him maybe three months of it. And I’m not a cold hearted bitch. I would never take him and never let you see him again. I don’t even want full custody. You just need to grow up. I thought once we had him you would, but sadly you didn’t. Brian I’m sorry, but you brought this whole thing on yourself. It really could’ve been avoided.” I said with one tear rolling down my cheek as I walked over to pick Austin’s car seat up and I left him with Brian as I took the suitcases out to the car. I came back in and Brian was talking to a smiling Austin who was just staring up at his Daddy in wonder.

“Don’t worry little guy. None of this is your fault, I’ll always be here for you. And I promise some day I’ll make it up to both you and Mommy. I love you Austin.” he said kissing him which made me let out a silent sob. Brian turned around quick and looked at me. I walked over and picked Austin’s car seat and headed out the door

“I’m sorry Amanda.” was the last thing I heard from him

“Me too.” I said with one last look goodbye.