Letters From The Outskirts Of Normality

Sep 20th 2008
Dear you,

So as you know it is now the third week in September. School has been you know, school but at home things have been falling apart. My mom and Jasey never really got along in the first place but lately they've been at each others throats about every little thing. It's horrible which is why I try to spend as much time away from home as possible. I really don't know whats going on with them. It's kind of scaring me because there's just that vibe that all the fights are about something bigger. Something way bigger but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

I've been spending most of my time in the library since I really don't like to be home and also I'm the type of kid that has to work really fucking hard for good grades and nothing seems to come easy and since its my senior year I really need to work hard, to get into a far, far away college. Usually its pretty boring just studying but yesterday was rather eventful.

Right, so there I am sitting in one of those really hard uncomfortable chairs, you know the ones? And I've got like 5 books open in front of me just trying to figure out this math homework and its about 6 pm on a Friday afternoon. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one still in the library besides the librarian who seems to be there 24/7. I'm sitting there, minding my own business when I hear the chair across from me drag across the carpet. Looking up I find Ryan sitting there with a cheeky smile on his face.
"Hello Brendon." He smiled at me, his hands clasped in front of him as he leaned back in his chair looking comfortable and casual.
"Hey there Mr. *insert last name here*"
"God Brendon I thought we were on first name basis by now." He laughed and I felt my cheeks get warm. See! I told you he flirted back. At this point I'm really fucking confused because here's my English teacher making small talk with me as I sit by myself in the library on a fabulous Friday night. Where the hell did he come from anyways?! He just like popped up.
"So why are you here on this lovely Friday night? No date with the hot girlfriend?" Yeah, you probably think I'm making this all up by now but no. So I'm sitting there and my eyes widen and there's Ryan just smirking as I shake my head no and manage to sputter out that I don't have a girlfriend and probably never will. At this I remember him arching his perfect eyebrows and this is where I tell my English teacher that I am in fact gay and he smiles and nods. His thin hand reached out for one of the books laying open on the table and he slapped it shut before standing up. I just looked at him with confusion before he places one hand on the back of my chair and the other on the table so he is standing beside me and leaning down towards me.
"Can I take you somewhere?" He asked and I gulped, just looking into his deep eyes that I love so much. I numbly nod, wondering if I'm dreaming.

With few words of explanation, Ryan then leads me to the faculty parking lot, where he unlocked the doors to a black accord signaling me to get into the passenger seat while he takes his place behind the wheel. The whole time my mind is fighting between if this is amazing or just plain creepy that I'm going somewhere with my 22 year old English teacher. We make small talk and before I can even blink we're pulling into a small shop on the edge of where the city limits change from Summerlin to Las Vegas. There, Ryan parks and we get out. He smiles at me and I return, it only mine was a bit more shaky.
"I can take you home if this is uncomfortable for you Bren. I totally understand." He told me as we paused behind the bumper of his car before heading up the building. I didn't even know what the building was since the sign said 'Burned Paper', and really that could be anything.
"No, I want to be here." I told him with a smile and he just grinned and lead me into the building. Inside there were shelves upon shelves of books, all for sale or rent. Then in the back corner was a small coffee bar with various tables set up in front of a stage. There were about 30 people in the small room, all holding cups and settling themselves into the chairs. On the stage was where a band was setting up their acoustic guitars and mikes.
"You had told me you loved music and literature. I figured you might like it here. Friday's are open mike nights." Ryan had told me leaning into me as to be heard of the loud strum of the guitar just starting up.
"Wow," I had gasped taking in the atmosphere. "This is kind of amazing."
He laughed and tugged me over to the coffee bar where we placed our orders and even though I had offered, Ryan paid. We then sat and listened to the music, talking between acts. It was really kind of perfect once you got past the 'hes your teacher!' thing. Ryan then drove me back to the school so I could get my car. There, as I was about to get out I stopped myself and looked back at Ryan.
"What did this mean, tonight?" I asked my voice just above a whisper.
"I-I don't know." He answered. My heart was pounding and I swear he could hear it from where he was sitting.
"Why did you take me there Ryan?" I asked, all was silent around us. All that could be heard was our breathing.
"Brendon, it meant nothing. I just saw you there in the library and I thought you would like that place. That's all." He shrugged and I felt my heart go suicidal. He takes me out to this amazingly unknown place where I'm pretty sure we have an awesome time, then he tells me it meant nothing. He basically tells me that he felt sorry for me so he took me out.

I knew it was to good to be true, friend. I knew it was coming. I just didn't think it would hurt this much.

Yours, Brendon